...if anyone has ever had 'DO NOT NOT RESUCITATE' tatooed on their chest?
By the way, Scotland beat France in rugby today. In Edinburgh. Huge news for this nation. Stay tuned for more thought-provoking questions and rugby news.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
New Teaching Gig
Last week I started teaching a communication class part-time at Stevenson College in Edinburgh. I have 12 students who are studying computing. They are funny, and loud, and smart. I'll keep you posted on our progress throughout the semester.
My 'other' job has been kind enough to give me Monday afternoons off so that I can teach. :)
My 'other' job has been kind enough to give me Monday afternoons off so that I can teach. :)
Saturday, February 04, 2006
Kitten Breeding
A-L: I must get the kitten 'splayed', as Stuart would say. The vet says she'll start howling any day.
Paul: I want to breed her with a dwarf cat.
A-L: Do dwarf cats exist?
Paul: They must. And Kitty is so small, that invariably they would have little offspring. And we could sell them on e-Bay.
A-L: You only use words like 'invariably' when I'm making up the dialogue. And who would buy kittens online?
Paul: Lot's of people, if we marketed them well. "Shetland Kittens For Sale."
Paul: I want to breed her with a dwarf cat.
A-L: Do dwarf cats exist?
Paul: They must. And Kitty is so small, that invariably they would have little offspring. And we could sell them on e-Bay.
A-L: You only use words like 'invariably' when I'm making up the dialogue. And who would buy kittens online?
Paul: Lot's of people, if we marketed them well. "Shetland Kittens For Sale."
Thursday, February 02, 2006
3-0
Flatmate Paul will be 30 next Friday. And guests will be travelling from near and far to make sure he welcomes his 31st year in style. Afterall, your 30th birthday is really the end of your 30th year. So, technically you're almost 31. Happy 31st!!
Friday, January 20, 2006
Thursday, January 12, 2006
A Rose By Any Other Name...
Overheard during the holidays...
Peter to Maria: "Irma, do you have a flashlight?"
Maria to Aila: "Anna-Lisa, please go pick up your toys."
Irma to Anna-Lisa: "Maria, do you know where the diaper cloths are?"
Peter to Irma: "Maria, can you pass the salt?"
Maria about Annais: "Oh, Anna-Lisa is trying to crawl."
Irma to Aila: "Anna-Lisa, are you getting tired?"
And the best one...
Aila to Anna-Lisa about Maria: "Maybe Anna-Ria can bring the rubber duckies into the bathroom."
Peter to Maria: "Irma, do you have a flashlight?"
Maria to Aila: "Anna-Lisa, please go pick up your toys."
Irma to Anna-Lisa: "Maria, do you know where the diaper cloths are?"
Peter to Irma: "Maria, can you pass the salt?"
Maria about Annais: "Oh, Anna-Lisa is trying to crawl."
Irma to Aila: "Anna-Lisa, are you getting tired?"
And the best one...
Aila to Anna-Lisa about Maria: "Maybe Anna-Ria can bring the rubber duckies into the bathroom."
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Auster-Doyle
You may recall a previous post which featured a conversation between Paul and me about our dear friend Gemma, who has shown a, well, keen interest in attending author events, photographing herself with the author, and then forwarding said photo to friends. Well, our very public diagnosis of this syndrome (named for photos taken with Paul Auster and Roddy Doyle) led to, surprise surprise, no more "author with Gemma" photos. Or so we thought.
Paul: There's an author photo up on Gemma's blog?
A-L: You're kidding. She must be having another spell. Who is it this time?
Paul: You'll never guess.
A-L: Alexander McCall Smith?
Paul: Yes. But this time it's just the photo of Sandy, as he's called. It's not a photo of Sandy and Gemma holding one of his freshly-signed books.
A-L: Surely such a photo exists.
Paul: Yeah, Gemma told me she has one of her and Sandy. She just didn't post it.
A-L: Hmm. So she's trying to hide her problem.
Paul: Now she has Auster-Doyle-Smith syndrome.
A-L: No, no. You can't keep adding names to it. That's not how syndromes work.
Paul: Is there a syndrome of thinking you're an expert on syndromes?
A-L: Perhaps. But you can't change the syndrome's name. It's not like they call Parkinsons Disease "Parkinsons J. Fox Disease" now that Alex P. Keaton has it.
Paul: Well, at any rate she has a new syndrome because she's still suffering from Auster-Doyle but trying to hide it.
A-L: Ok, that could be "Auster-Doyle by McCall-Smith" Syndrome. You know, along the same lines as that Munich by Proxy. And today I got an e-mail from Gemma where she claims she's friends with that aide worker and her parents who were kidnapped in Gaza. What's that all about?
Paul: I'll have to think about that one.
A-L: Ohmigosh, I thought of the most horrible name for it.
Paul: Let me guess! Let me guess! "Waite by the Phone"?
Paul: There's an author photo up on Gemma's blog?
A-L: You're kidding. She must be having another spell. Who is it this time?
Paul: You'll never guess.
A-L: Alexander McCall Smith?
Paul: Yes. But this time it's just the photo of Sandy, as he's called. It's not a photo of Sandy and Gemma holding one of his freshly-signed books.
A-L: Surely such a photo exists.
Paul: Yeah, Gemma told me she has one of her and Sandy. She just didn't post it.
A-L: Hmm. So she's trying to hide her problem.
Paul: Now she has Auster-Doyle-Smith syndrome.
A-L: No, no. You can't keep adding names to it. That's not how syndromes work.
Paul: Is there a syndrome of thinking you're an expert on syndromes?
A-L: Perhaps. But you can't change the syndrome's name. It's not like they call Parkinsons Disease "Parkinsons J. Fox Disease" now that Alex P. Keaton has it.
Paul: Well, at any rate she has a new syndrome because she's still suffering from Auster-Doyle but trying to hide it.
A-L: Ok, that could be "Auster-Doyle by McCall-Smith" Syndrome. You know, along the same lines as that Munich by Proxy. And today I got an e-mail from Gemma where she claims she's friends with that aide worker and her parents who were kidnapped in Gaza. What's that all about?
Paul: I'll have to think about that one.
A-L: Ohmigosh, I thought of the most horrible name for it.
Paul: Let me guess! Let me guess! "Waite by the Phone"?
Monday, January 02, 2006
Husky With Flourescent Green-Eyed Kitten Seeks Dishwasher
Made it safely back to Edinburgh. I wish someone had pressed the "Self-Clean" button on the flat. It smells like Ted's feet, cooking oil and stale cigarette smoke. But don't worry, Paul, I'll wait to clean up until you get back...
Cat Pilates
Peter: What's wrong with your cat? Is she handicapped?A-L: She didn't have her broken foot yet in this photo. This is what she does when we turn the gas fire on.
Peter: How often do you turn the gas fire on?
A-L: Haven't turned it on since this photo was taken. And to answer your question, yes, she is handicapped. Emotionally, I think.
The Curious Incident of the Cat in the Flat
A-L: Did Maria tell you that Kitty broke a bone in her foot?
Brother-in-law Hector: You have a cat?
A-L: Yeah, apparently Kitty broke a bone in her foot over the Christmas holidays.
B-in-law: No way, this one's named Kitty too?
A-L: The other one was MR. Kitty. That's totally different.
B-in-law: Oh, so he broke his leg?
A-L: SHE broke her FOOT. Stuart took her to the vet who said it's quite common for kittens to jump down from a really high place and hurt their feet. So Kitty just has to take it easy for a couple weeks and the bone should heal on its own. Although I'd love it if she got a cast on her foot and then all of her cat friends could sign it.
Brother-in-law Hector: You have a cat?
A-L: Yeah, apparently Kitty broke a bone in her foot over the Christmas holidays.
B-in-law: No way, this one's named Kitty too?
A-L: The other one was MR. Kitty. That's totally different.
B-in-law: Oh, so he broke his leg?
A-L: SHE broke her FOOT. Stuart took her to the vet who said it's quite common for kittens to jump down from a really high place and hurt their feet. So Kitty just has to take it easy for a couple weeks and the bone should heal on its own. Although I'd love it if she got a cast on her foot and then all of her cat friends could sign it.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Prince Maria
A-L: Do you remember that song about Christmas in Africa?
Maria: Yeah. With WHAM! What's the name of the guy who produced that video?
A-L: I have no idea. Oh wait, Bob Geldof. Sorry, it's actually Sir Bob Geldof.
Maria: Says who?
A-L: The Queen. I guess. She changed his name. With a wand, I think. And so the Brits have to call him Sir Bob. But the Americans don't.
Maria: Because we don't believe in the Queen?
A-L: Exactly. It's the same with Dame Judi Dench.
Maria: Who? Oh yeah, Judi Dench. You threw me off with the whole Dame thing. What's the hierarchy? Is Lady better than Dame or Maiden?
A-L: I'm sure Google knows. But last time I checked they don't hand out the title Maiden. Did you know that Camilla Parker-Bowles is The Duchess of Rothesay when she's in Scotland?
Maria: Only when she's in Scotland? What is she when she's in England?
A-L: Um, I'll leave that one to the comedians. And the Queen's husband, Prince Philip, is known as The Duke of Edinburgh, among other things. And there's a Princess who's known as Princess Michael of Kent, because her husband's name is Michael, I think.
Maria: Well, by that logic, wouldn't that make the Queen's husband Prince Elizabeth, The Duchess of Edinburgh? And what's Fergie known as now?
A-L: Don't bring up the F-word. Or the other one.
Maria: My mother-in-law loves the other one, Princess Diana.
A-L: I think now she's known as the Princess formerly known as Diana. She changed it to get out of some contract with Sony, or the Queen.
Maria: Yeah. With WHAM! What's the name of the guy who produced that video?
A-L: I have no idea. Oh wait, Bob Geldof. Sorry, it's actually Sir Bob Geldof.
Maria: Says who?
A-L: The Queen. I guess. She changed his name. With a wand, I think. And so the Brits have to call him Sir Bob. But the Americans don't.
Maria: Because we don't believe in the Queen?
A-L: Exactly. It's the same with Dame Judi Dench.
Maria: Who? Oh yeah, Judi Dench. You threw me off with the whole Dame thing. What's the hierarchy? Is Lady better than Dame or Maiden?
A-L: I'm sure Google knows. But last time I checked they don't hand out the title Maiden. Did you know that Camilla Parker-Bowles is The Duchess of Rothesay when she's in Scotland?
Maria: Only when she's in Scotland? What is she when she's in England?
A-L: Um, I'll leave that one to the comedians. And the Queen's husband, Prince Philip, is known as The Duke of Edinburgh, among other things. And there's a Princess who's known as Princess Michael of Kent, because her husband's name is Michael, I think.
Maria: Well, by that logic, wouldn't that make the Queen's husband Prince Elizabeth, The Duchess of Edinburgh? And what's Fergie known as now?
A-L: Don't bring up the F-word. Or the other one.
Maria: My mother-in-law loves the other one, Princess Diana.
A-L: I think now she's known as the Princess formerly known as Diana. She changed it to get out of some contract with Sony, or the Queen.
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Nativity
The nativity play begins at 10:00 a.m. I have been commissioned to photograph the production. Gloria the babysitter is worried that baby Jesus (Annais) will be cranky. Aila, the Princess/Wiseman, has had a cough, and this morning the Christ child sounded congested. Report to follow.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Gross
So, I was walking the dog in my sister's neighborhood, minding my own business (publishing) and then 'the neighbor' pulls up...
Neighbor: Ohmigod, are you Maria's sister? You look exactly like her.
A-L to herself: We have the same parents, and they look alike.
A-L to neighbor: Yeah, people always say that.
Neighbor: Ohmigosh, so, are you home alone? What have you been doing? How long have you been here? Are you enjoying your visit?
A-L to herself: I'm old enough to stay home alone.
A-L to Rudy: Oh, I've been helping my sister out, and relaxing a bit.
Rudy: Ohmigod, do you want me to show you around the Coachella Valley? Aren't you bored at home alone?
A-L to herself: Not that bored.
A-L to Rudy: Oh, I've been here before. I'm enjoying spending time alone. Did I mention I have bird flu? (cough, cough)
Rudy turns car engine off.
Rudy: Have you been to the casinos?
A-L: I don't gamble.
Rudy: You don't have to gamble. How old are you?
A-L: Twenty-nin...uh, thirty.
Rudy: Do you drink?
A-L: I'm a recovering alcoholic.
Rudy: You look so much like your sister. I thought you were Maria, except she's smaller. You're more husky.
What????? I'm husky???? Where the hell did that come from?? First I was being invited to a seedy evening of blackjack and G & T's and now I'm HUSKY???
Neighbor: Ohmigod, are you Maria's sister? You look exactly like her.
A-L to herself: We have the same parents, and they look alike.
A-L to neighbor: Yeah, people always say that.
Neighbor: Ohmigosh, so, are you home alone? What have you been doing? How long have you been here? Are you enjoying your visit?
A-L to herself: I'm old enough to stay home alone.
A-L to Rudy: Oh, I've been helping my sister out, and relaxing a bit.
Rudy: Ohmigod, do you want me to show you around the Coachella Valley? Aren't you bored at home alone?
A-L to herself: Not that bored.
A-L to Rudy: Oh, I've been here before. I'm enjoying spending time alone. Did I mention I have bird flu? (cough, cough)
Rudy turns car engine off.
Rudy: Have you been to the casinos?
A-L: I don't gamble.
Rudy: You don't have to gamble. How old are you?
A-L: Twenty-nin...uh, thirty.
Rudy: Do you drink?
A-L: I'm a recovering alcoholic.
Rudy: You look so much like your sister. I thought you were Maria, except she's smaller. You're more husky.
What????? I'm husky???? Where the hell did that come from?? First I was being invited to a seedy evening of blackjack and G & T's and now I'm HUSKY???
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
The Nativity
Maria: Can you get Aila a princess outfit?
A-L: Ummm, yeah.
Maria: They're having a princess parade at daycare on Thursday. I need to check with Gloria to find out exactly what Aila needs.
A-L: Ummm, ok.
Three hours later...
Maria: Turns out Aila needs a princess outfit because they don't have enough wisemen at daycare so instead they're having princesses.
A-L: That's a bit different than a princess parade.
Maria: Annais is going to be baby Jesus. So, can you also get some swaddling clothes for our little Christ child?
A-L: Can't you just wrap her in a sheet?
Maria: No, Gloria [the babysitter] wants the costumes to be shiny.
A-L: Baby Jesus didn't wear sequins. Or get visited by princesses.
Maria: Maybe Wal-Mart will have something.
A-L: Ummm, yeah.
Maria: They're having a princess parade at daycare on Thursday. I need to check with Gloria to find out exactly what Aila needs.
A-L: Ummm, ok.
Three hours later...
Maria: Turns out Aila needs a princess outfit because they don't have enough wisemen at daycare so instead they're having princesses.
A-L: That's a bit different than a princess parade.
Maria: Annais is going to be baby Jesus. So, can you also get some swaddling clothes for our little Christ child?
A-L: Can't you just wrap her in a sheet?
Maria: No, Gloria [the babysitter] wants the costumes to be shiny.
A-L: Baby Jesus didn't wear sequins. Or get visited by princesses.
Maria: Maybe Wal-Mart will have something.
Monday, December 12, 2005
Talking Baby
Saturday -
Maria: Annais said her first word today.
A-L: Who's Annais?
Maria: She's the baby I had in May.
A-L: Oh yeah. What did he say?
Maria: She. She said 'da da'.
A-L: I'm not impressed. Babies, even quite young ones, can easily imitate sounds that those around them are making. How old is she?
Maria: She was born in May. May 23rd.
A-L: Not bad. But call me back when she's fluent is something more than 'da da'.
Sunday-
Irma: Hi. Annais is talking.
A-L: I know, I spoke to Maria yesterday. I heard she said 'da da'.
Irma: Oh no, this is better. I was holding her just now and she said 'ok'.
A-L: That's it? Just 'ok', not 'great' or 'super'? I guess it's pretty good for a six month old...
Monday (at work) -
A-L: The baby is talking.
Co-workers: Really?
A-L: Yeah, she said 'da da' and then on Sunday she said 'ok'.
Co-workers: How old is the baby?
A-L: She'll be seven months on the 23rd.
And then the co-workers looked at each other like I was a compulsive liar. Note to self: Don't tell anyone about talking baby niece.
Maria: Annais said her first word today.
A-L: Who's Annais?
Maria: She's the baby I had in May.
A-L: Oh yeah. What did he say?
Maria: She. She said 'da da'.
A-L: I'm not impressed. Babies, even quite young ones, can easily imitate sounds that those around them are making. How old is she?
Maria: She was born in May. May 23rd.
A-L: Not bad. But call me back when she's fluent is something more than 'da da'.
Sunday-
Irma: Hi. Annais is talking.
A-L: I know, I spoke to Maria yesterday. I heard she said 'da da'.
Irma: Oh no, this is better. I was holding her just now and she said 'ok'.
A-L: That's it? Just 'ok', not 'great' or 'super'? I guess it's pretty good for a six month old...
Monday (at work) -
A-L: The baby is talking.
Co-workers: Really?
A-L: Yeah, she said 'da da' and then on Sunday she said 'ok'.
Co-workers: How old is the baby?
A-L: She'll be seven months on the 23rd.
And then the co-workers looked at each other like I was a compulsive liar. Note to self: Don't tell anyone about talking baby niece.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Challenge
Paul: I challenge you to write a post that doesn't include the words "Kitty", "Finnish", "Finland" or "Aila".
A-L: Are you trying to destroy my blog?
Paul: No, I'm your friend. I'm trying to help you expand your reader base.
A-L: Don't throw fancy marketing speak at me. I'll get a dictionary. Which is what we should get Ted for Christmas: A Polish/English dictionary.
Paul: If you bought Ted a Polish/English dictionary for Christmas it would essentially be a gift for you.
A-L: Clever, huh? Then I could indoctrinate him in Irma's gospel of Finnish nurse's hygiene.
Paul: You can't even type three sentences without writing the word 'Finnish'.
A-L: Looks like you can't either.
A-L: Are you trying to destroy my blog?
Paul: No, I'm your friend. I'm trying to help you expand your reader base.
A-L: Don't throw fancy marketing speak at me. I'll get a dictionary. Which is what we should get Ted for Christmas: A Polish/English dictionary.
Paul: If you bought Ted a Polish/English dictionary for Christmas it would essentially be a gift for you.
A-L: Clever, huh? Then I could indoctrinate him in Irma's gospel of Finnish nurse's hygiene.
Paul: You can't even type three sentences without writing the word 'Finnish'.
A-L: Looks like you can't either.
Social Circles
A-L (singing): Theee fiiiirrrrsssst nnooooooeeel, thhheeee first noel
Paul: Who was telling me about someone born on Christmas day whose name is Noel? Was it you?
A-L: No, but I know someone born in December whose name is Noelle.
Paul: Who was telling me that, I mean, if it wasn't you? I don't talk to anyone else. I haven't left our living room in 33 days.
A-L: Ummm, maybe Kitty told you. Or did you read it online?
Paul: Yeah, I probably read it online.
Paul: Who was telling me about someone born on Christmas day whose name is Noel? Was it you?
A-L: No, but I know someone born in December whose name is Noelle.
Paul: Who was telling me that, I mean, if it wasn't you? I don't talk to anyone else. I haven't left our living room in 33 days.
A-L: Ummm, maybe Kitty told you. Or did you read it online?
Paul: Yeah, I probably read it online.
Moving Day
Paul: Hey, A-L, when are you moving out?
A-L: What? Are you trying to get rid of me?
Paul: No, when are you leaving for California?
A-L: Oh, on the 17th. Are you renting out my room while I'm gone?
Paul: No, it would be too much of a hassle. It would take too long to explain everything. Can you imagine having to explain Ted to a new flatmate? "This is Ted. He doesn't feed the cat. He teases her, and sometimes he locks her in the bathroom, accidentally. And his room stinks." It would take weeks to explain.
A-L: Yes, I suppose that's reason enough not to rent out my room while I'm gone...
A-L: What? Are you trying to get rid of me?
Paul: No, when are you leaving for California?
A-L: Oh, on the 17th. Are you renting out my room while I'm gone?
Paul: No, it would be too much of a hassle. It would take too long to explain everything. Can you imagine having to explain Ted to a new flatmate? "This is Ted. He doesn't feed the cat. He teases her, and sometimes he locks her in the bathroom, accidentally. And his room stinks." It would take weeks to explain.
A-L: Yes, I suppose that's reason enough not to rent out my room while I'm gone...
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
The Words Were Out of My Mouth Before I Knew It
So at Ted's party I was talking with Katie and Stuart about their niece Hannah, who turned 1 in August. Apparently she's an adorable genius. And they have proof. Hannah was at daycare, and one of the adults asked her "is your dad picking you up today?" So Hannah said something, seemingly unintelligible. And then the two-year-old standing next to her said to the lady, "no, Hannah's dad is at University today." Apparently Hannah's dad was at University that day, and this information could not have come from anyone other than Hannah, as none of the adults at the daycare knew that he had gone back to school. So, Katie and Stuart take this as proof of Hannah's genius. Fair enough. Although I think the two-year old also deserves some credit for interpreting. But I didn't mention this. I didn't want to burst their "our niece is a genius bubble." So, instead I said:
"Well, does your niece speak Spanish?"
"Well, does your niece speak Spanish?"
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Multi-Loyal
I know that cats have never been prized for their loyalty, but since I'm usually 'the Feeder of the cat' I am the recipient of loyal behaviour, however faux it might be.
The current situation is quite different. Kitty has deserted. Paul, who does not buy her food or change her litter tray, or pay her vet bills, is apparently her favourite. (Ironically, she is sitting in my lap, for the first time in weeks, as I type this. Cats are also manipulative.) So, Kitty has 'gone off me', as the British would say. She lets Paul hold her, and she jumps into his lap where she will happily sit for hours. If I so much as look at her, she will run from the room. Teenagers.
The current situation is quite different. Kitty has deserted. Paul, who does not buy her food or change her litter tray, or pay her vet bills, is apparently her favourite. (Ironically, she is sitting in my lap, for the first time in weeks, as I type this. Cats are also manipulative.) So, Kitty has 'gone off me', as the British would say. She lets Paul hold her, and she jumps into his lap where she will happily sit for hours. If I so much as look at her, she will run from the room. Teenagers.
Christmas Cards
Paul: What's that list you're writing?
A-L: Christmas card list.
Paul: It's very long.
A-L: I have thousands of friends.
Paul: And you send all of them Christmas cards?
A-L: Unfortunately it's the only time all year that I write to most of them. So I think it's important to keep it up. And, how else am I supposed to generate Christmas cards? That's why I send them out in early December, and when I e-mail everyone to ask for their address, I give them mine.
Paul: You're going to the States on the 17th, that doesn't give people much time to get their cards to you. You'll have to get yours out soon.
A-L: I never said the cards have to arrive here before I leave for the States. In fact, I want to walk back in the door and have a stack of at least 10 waiting for me.
Paul: You're sending out 603, I think you'll get more than 10 back. And how do you decide who doesn't get a card?
A-L: That's easy. I don't send cards to people who I haven't spoken to, or had contact with (via e-mail), for a time period longer than that for which I knew and had regular contact for them. For example, I knew Stella for a year and a half, haven't spoken to or heard from her for two years, she's off the list. A very simple equation. And I don't send cards to my Jewish friends.
Paul: Don't you send them Hannukah cards? I think you should.
A-L: They don't send me Christmas cards.
A-L: Christmas card list.
Paul: It's very long.
A-L: I have thousands of friends.
Paul: And you send all of them Christmas cards?
A-L: Unfortunately it's the only time all year that I write to most of them. So I think it's important to keep it up. And, how else am I supposed to generate Christmas cards? That's why I send them out in early December, and when I e-mail everyone to ask for their address, I give them mine.
Paul: You're going to the States on the 17th, that doesn't give people much time to get their cards to you. You'll have to get yours out soon.
A-L: I never said the cards have to arrive here before I leave for the States. In fact, I want to walk back in the door and have a stack of at least 10 waiting for me.
Paul: You're sending out 603, I think you'll get more than 10 back. And how do you decide who doesn't get a card?
A-L: That's easy. I don't send cards to people who I haven't spoken to, or had contact with (via e-mail), for a time period longer than that for which I knew and had regular contact for them. For example, I knew Stella for a year and a half, haven't spoken to or heard from her for two years, she's off the list. A very simple equation. And I don't send cards to my Jewish friends.
Paul: Don't you send them Hannukah cards? I think you should.
A-L: They don't send me Christmas cards.
Cat Flu
For the most part I have received nice messages from friends and family wishing me a speedy recovery from this flu. From my father, however, I received this e-mail: "Your mother thinks it's cat allergies."
Operation Laptop
Dear Fans, Friends and Readers,
Operation Laptop restoration is under way. Pete has sent two, yes two, e-mails giving advice on how to resucitate it. Paul is performing minor surgery as we speak, so I am using Paul's laptop. It's not the same. The genius doesn't flow.
More later,
A-L
Operation Laptop restoration is under way. Pete has sent two, yes two, e-mails giving advice on how to resucitate it. Paul is performing minor surgery as we speak, so I am using Paul's laptop. It's not the same. The genius doesn't flow.
More later,
A-L
Friday, November 25, 2005
Wine + Laptop = No Blogging
SOMEONE spilled a glass of wine on my laptop at the party last Saturday which means my blogging is limited.
Paul: Does anyone want to use my laptop?
A-L: I'd like to.
Paul: You can use it until I go to bed.
A-L: When are you going to bed?
Paul: In 15 minutes.
Oh good. Well, that's all I have time for. Good night.
Paul: Does anyone want to use my laptop?
A-L: I'd like to.
Paul: You can use it until I go to bed.
A-L: When are you going to bed?
Paul: In 15 minutes.
Oh good. Well, that's all I have time for. Good night.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Alpha Beta
Telephone conversation with 'the Irma':
Irma: Hi, I was just thinking about you so I thought I'd call. It's such nice weather outside. It's 75 degrees, and your dad left to go to Chicago for RSNA, and it's supposed to be really cold there. Huge storms this weekend. So I've just been out in the yard, and am going to relax and read the paper. You'll never guess who we saw the other day at Alpha Beta.
A-L: Alpha Beta closed in 1983. And then it became Lucky's, and then Ralphs, and now it's Albertsons, I think.
Irma: Well, you'll never guess who we saw at Alpha Beta. Never! Nancy. We saw Nancy.
A-L: I know 133 people named Nancy, none of whom have been to Alpha Beta since in closed in 1983. Which one did you see?
Irma: Nancy Meher. We stood and talked to her at the front of the store. And then we saw Marcia Larsson. Do you remember her? The tall blonde lady from church?
A-L: Was she also sucked back in time to 1983 for a quick trip to Alpha Beta to pick up a case of Tab?
Irma: You know Marcia, the tall blonde lady.
A-L: Uh huh.
Irma: And then we went around the corner to the Salvation Army thrift store because your dad wanted to buy a purse to carry some tools in. He needed something small and thought an old purse would do the trick. He ended up buying a shaving kit from Rite Aid and using that, but everything in the Salvation Army was 50% off and they even gave us a senior citizen discount on the cookie plate that I bought.
A-L: Do you get a commission for dropping store names into conversation?
Irma: Isn't that funny that we got 50% off AND a senior discount?
A-L: Yes, that's the funniest part of this entire story.
Irma: Hi, I was just thinking about you so I thought I'd call. It's such nice weather outside. It's 75 degrees, and your dad left to go to Chicago for RSNA, and it's supposed to be really cold there. Huge storms this weekend. So I've just been out in the yard, and am going to relax and read the paper. You'll never guess who we saw the other day at Alpha Beta.
A-L: Alpha Beta closed in 1983. And then it became Lucky's, and then Ralphs, and now it's Albertsons, I think.
Irma: Well, you'll never guess who we saw at Alpha Beta. Never! Nancy. We saw Nancy.
A-L: I know 133 people named Nancy, none of whom have been to Alpha Beta since in closed in 1983. Which one did you see?
Irma: Nancy Meher. We stood and talked to her at the front of the store. And then we saw Marcia Larsson. Do you remember her? The tall blonde lady from church?
A-L: Was she also sucked back in time to 1983 for a quick trip to Alpha Beta to pick up a case of Tab?
Irma: You know Marcia, the tall blonde lady.
A-L: Uh huh.
Irma: And then we went around the corner to the Salvation Army thrift store because your dad wanted to buy a purse to carry some tools in. He needed something small and thought an old purse would do the trick. He ended up buying a shaving kit from Rite Aid and using that, but everything in the Salvation Army was 50% off and they even gave us a senior citizen discount on the cookie plate that I bought.
A-L: Do you get a commission for dropping store names into conversation?
Irma: Isn't that funny that we got 50% off AND a senior discount?
A-L: Yes, that's the funniest part of this entire story.
White Space Be Gone
The white space is finally gone. But so are all the customisations (yes, it's a word) that flatmate Paul helped me create. It will take a while to get this looking ok, but bear with me. (insert cartoon of cute little bear)
Fleas
Last Sunday -
A-L: I'm taking Kitty to the vet tomorrow. I don't think she knows yet.
Paul: How are you taking her there?
A-L: In my handbag. Actually, I might phone them to see if they have a cat carrier I can use.
Paul: Will you put a blanket in there so she's comfortable?
A-L: Yeah, I guess so. But the vet is a block and half away, and I don't think a blanket will make up for the fact that she's confined in a box.
After the vet appointment -
A-L: Let's return her. She has fleas. It's November, it's 3 degrees outside and the cat has fleas. I thought they only lived near the equator. I can see the Arctic Circle from my bedroom window, and my cat has fleas. Don't they die after Labor Day?
Paul: Presumably the cat's fur keeps the fleas warm.
A-L: Don't get smart with me. I didn't sign up for this deal. Now I have to medicate her, fumigate the house, and wash all the bedding.
Paul: What do you mean you didn't 'sign up for this deal.' You stole that cat.
A-L: I didn't know she had fleas. This changes everything.
Paul: Don't be so dramatic.
A-L: What's a blog without drama? You have to keep the readers coming back.
A-L: I'm taking Kitty to the vet tomorrow. I don't think she knows yet.
Paul: How are you taking her there?
A-L: In my handbag. Actually, I might phone them to see if they have a cat carrier I can use.
Paul: Will you put a blanket in there so she's comfortable?
A-L: Yeah, I guess so. But the vet is a block and half away, and I don't think a blanket will make up for the fact that she's confined in a box.
After the vet appointment -
A-L: Let's return her. She has fleas. It's November, it's 3 degrees outside and the cat has fleas. I thought they only lived near the equator. I can see the Arctic Circle from my bedroom window, and my cat has fleas. Don't they die after Labor Day?
Paul: Presumably the cat's fur keeps the fleas warm.
A-L: Don't get smart with me. I didn't sign up for this deal. Now I have to medicate her, fumigate the house, and wash all the bedding.
Paul: What do you mean you didn't 'sign up for this deal.' You stole that cat.
A-L: I didn't know she had fleas. This changes everything.
Paul: Don't be so dramatic.
A-L: What's a blog without drama? You have to keep the readers coming back.
Thursday
Conversation on Tuesday evening:
Paul: What are you doing on Thursday?
A-L: I don't know. I don't have any plans. Why do you ask?
Paul: Because it's Thanksgiving.
A-L: Oh yeah.
Paul: You should have a turkey sandwich.
A-L: Why didn't I think of that?
Paul: What are you doing on Thursday?
A-L: I don't know. I don't have any plans. Why do you ask?
Paul: Because it's Thanksgiving.
A-L: Oh yeah.
Paul: You should have a turkey sandwich.
A-L: Why didn't I think of that?
Bird Flu
I have bird flu. Not THE bird flu, but a minor strain. Perhaps finch flu. I've been feverish and head-achey and stuffed up for three days.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Globalisation
A-L to guy in the queue: I didn't cut in front of you did I?
Guy: No, no. I wasn't in the queue.
A-L: Are you American?
Guy: No, I'm Dutch, but I grew up in New York and have spent a lot of time in London, and I have American flatmates, so I think I've picked up some of their accent.
A-L: You gotta watch out for those Americans.
Guy: I know.
Super-cool Friend of Guy: What are saying?
Guy to S-CFofG: Oh, she was just saying that I sound American, so I was saying that I must have picked it up from my flatmates.
S-CFofG to Guy: Yeah, that's globalisation for you.
A-L to herself: No, globalisation is that you're buying Doritos on Dundas Street in Edinburgh.
Guy: No, no. I wasn't in the queue.
A-L: Are you American?
Guy: No, I'm Dutch, but I grew up in New York and have spent a lot of time in London, and I have American flatmates, so I think I've picked up some of their accent.
A-L: You gotta watch out for those Americans.
Guy: I know.
Super-cool Friend of Guy: What are saying?
Guy to S-CFofG: Oh, she was just saying that I sound American, so I was saying that I must have picked it up from my flatmates.
S-CFofG to Guy: Yeah, that's globalisation for you.
A-L to herself: No, globalisation is that you're buying Doritos on Dundas Street in Edinburgh.
Overheard
Today:
"If there's one thing I hate more than amateur theatre, it's children's amateur theatre."
"If there's one thing I hate more than amateur theatre, it's children's amateur theatre."
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
When Does A Party Really Begin
Martin Little posed a good question. What time does the party start? (Ted's Birthday party, that is.) If I had sent out invitations I would have said 8ish. But if you say 8ish, people show up at 10:30ish. And if you say 9ish, they'll arrive at 10:45ish. But if you want people to arrive at 9:30ish, because you're looking forward to seeing everyone, you'd have to say 7:15ish on the invitation, and then people would think dinner was involved. No sit-down dinner. Arrive when you like, the earlier the better.
Ted's Birthday
Polish flatmate Ted will be 31 on Saturday, 19th of November. Which is why this conversation took place:
A-L: What should we get Ted for his birthday?
Paul: Deodorant.
A-L: That's not very nice.
Paul: That's what he got me for my birthday.
A-L: Oh yeah, but that was sweet.
Paul: What??
A-L: Well, he had just moved in with us, he was new to the country, he was working 60 hours a week, and he wanted to buy you a present, so he got you something you could use. Now that we've turned him into a capitalist pig he'll never again give sweet, simple presents.
Paul: What did he give you for your birthday?
A-L: Nothing. Why don't we give the bastard back the deodorant he gave you.
Paul: I think it's probably enough of a gift that we're throwing him a birthday party on Saturday (to which Martin Little is invited, if you're reading this).
A-L: Let's get one thing straight: we are throwing a party, and it happens to be on Ted's birthday, but it is not a birthday party for Ted.
Paul: You've changed your tune.
A-L: Because you reminded me that he didn't get me anything for my birthday. And, it's your job to keep Ted away from the stereo on Saturday night.
Paul: Is that because he's discovered Meatloaf?
A-L: Yes, I would do anything to never hear Meatloaf again, especially at my belated birthday party.
Paul: Oh, now it's your birthday party.
A-L: Well, the 11th of December is my half birthday.
Paul: I think people stop celebrating half birthdays when they're 7.
A-L: Maybe in Britain. But there's a strong history of lavishly celebrated half birthdays in the U.S. Especially if your birthday falls at an inopportune time, such as June, when people are still recovering (emotionally and financially) from all those birthday parties the Pisceans threw themselves three months back.
Paul: You know, Ted said something to me the other day about "Dolly Parton", "party", "Saturday" and "broken". Do you have any idea what he's talking about?
A-L: I think he meant to say, "I've hidden A-L's Dolly Parton CD. Tell her it's broken."
A-L: What should we get Ted for his birthday?
Paul: Deodorant.
A-L: That's not very nice.
Paul: That's what he got me for my birthday.
A-L: Oh yeah, but that was sweet.
Paul: What??
A-L: Well, he had just moved in with us, he was new to the country, he was working 60 hours a week, and he wanted to buy you a present, so he got you something you could use. Now that we've turned him into a capitalist pig he'll never again give sweet, simple presents.
Paul: What did he give you for your birthday?
A-L: Nothing. Why don't we give the bastard back the deodorant he gave you.
Paul: I think it's probably enough of a gift that we're throwing him a birthday party on Saturday (to which Martin Little is invited, if you're reading this).
A-L: Let's get one thing straight: we are throwing a party, and it happens to be on Ted's birthday, but it is not a birthday party for Ted.
Paul: You've changed your tune.
A-L: Because you reminded me that he didn't get me anything for my birthday. And, it's your job to keep Ted away from the stereo on Saturday night.
Paul: Is that because he's discovered Meatloaf?
A-L: Yes, I would do anything to never hear Meatloaf again, especially at my belated birthday party.
Paul: Oh, now it's your birthday party.
A-L: Well, the 11th of December is my half birthday.
Paul: I think people stop celebrating half birthdays when they're 7.
A-L: Maybe in Britain. But there's a strong history of lavishly celebrated half birthdays in the U.S. Especially if your birthday falls at an inopportune time, such as June, when people are still recovering (emotionally and financially) from all those birthday parties the Pisceans threw themselves three months back.
Paul: You know, Ted said something to me the other day about "Dolly Parton", "party", "Saturday" and "broken". Do you have any idea what he's talking about?
A-L: I think he meant to say, "I've hidden A-L's Dolly Parton CD. Tell her it's broken."
Saturday, November 12, 2005
The Other One
A-L: Paul, can you help me fix something on my blog.
Paul: Are you trying to trick me into looking at photos of your nieces?
A-L: Yes.
Paul: Fine.
A-L: Maria just sent these through.
Paul: By 'Maria' do you mean 'Mother Romero'?
A-L: Yes.
Paul: Ohmigod. Annais is huge.
A-L: She is. She's going to be very tall. Father Romero is 6'3", I think. Or is it 6'2"?
Paul: Annais doesn't look like Aila did when she was a baby, does she?
A-L: Actually, the other one looks just like Aila did when she was a baby.
Paul: Did you just refer to Annais as 'the other one'?
A-L: No. You can't prove that I did.
Paul: You've posted it to your blog.
A-L: Well, she's the second baby. It's ok to call her 'the other one'. I don't even remember when she was born. Was it this year, or last?
Paul: That's terrible. What if the other one finds out?
A-L: Well, then I'll just tell her the story of the time my mom called me by the dog's name, and then corrected herself by calling me by my dad's name, followed by 'Maria'. And my friend Inga, the youngest of three girls was known as Mhairi-Karen-Inga. Which, all things considered, is a much better name than Muffin-Peter-Maria.
Paul: Are you trying to trick me into looking at photos of your nieces?
A-L: Yes.
Paul: Fine.
A-L: Maria just sent these through.
Paul: By 'Maria' do you mean 'Mother Romero'?
A-L: Yes.
Paul: Ohmigod. Annais is huge.
A-L: She is. She's going to be very tall. Father Romero is 6'3", I think. Or is it 6'2"?
Paul: Annais doesn't look like Aila did when she was a baby, does she?
A-L: Actually, the other one looks just like Aila did when she was a baby.
Paul: Did you just refer to Annais as 'the other one'?
A-L: No. You can't prove that I did.
Paul: You've posted it to your blog.
A-L: Well, she's the second baby. It's ok to call her 'the other one'. I don't even remember when she was born. Was it this year, or last?
Paul: That's terrible. What if the other one finds out?
A-L: Well, then I'll just tell her the story of the time my mom called me by the dog's name, and then corrected herself by calling me by my dad's name, followed by 'Maria'. And my friend Inga, the youngest of three girls was known as Mhairi-Karen-Inga. Which, all things considered, is a much better name than Muffin-Peter-Maria.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Kitten Talk
A-L to Kitty: "You're a bad Kitty."
Paul to A-L: "Don't say that to her. You'll give her a complex."
A-L to Paul: "No I won't. She doesn't know what I'm saying, she just listens to my tone of voice."
Paul to A-L: "She doesn't listen to you."
A-L to Kitty: "That's why you're a baaaaaaaaaaad Kitty."
Paul to A-L: "YOU'RE a baaaaaad Kitty."
A-L to Paul: "I wonder why no one reads my blog."
Paul to A-L: "Don't say that to her. You'll give her a complex."
A-L to Paul: "No I won't. She doesn't know what I'm saying, she just listens to my tone of voice."
Paul to A-L: "She doesn't listen to you."
A-L to Kitty: "That's why you're a baaaaaaaaaaad Kitty."
Paul to A-L: "YOU'RE a baaaaaad Kitty."
A-L to Paul: "I wonder why no one reads my blog."
German Class
So there I was, in German class about three weeks ago, when the substitute teacher asked us to introduce people in the class. So she asked Grant who he could introduce.
In German (Auf Deutsch, bitte):
Grant: "I can introduce Anna-Lisa."
Substitute Teacher: "Great. What can you reveal about her that will shock and disturb the other students?"
Grant: "Anna-Lisa is American."
A hush falls over the room.
Judith gasped: "I had no idea you were American."
Neil to Alistair: "She's American? But she looks normal."
Alistair to Neil: "No she doesn't."
Grant: "And her mother is Finnish." (And the Russians killed her mother's father and brother. And her mom wants the Russians to give her Arctic port back.)
Judith: "That's so strange Anna-Lisa, because you sound Scottish when you speak German."
Oh good.
In German (Auf Deutsch, bitte):
Grant: "I can introduce Anna-Lisa."
Substitute Teacher: "Great. What can you reveal about her that will shock and disturb the other students?"
Grant: "Anna-Lisa is American."
A hush falls over the room.
Judith gasped: "I had no idea you were American."
Neil to Alistair: "She's American? But she looks normal."
Alistair to Neil: "No she doesn't."
Grant: "And her mother is Finnish." (And the Russians killed her mother's father and brother. And her mom wants the Russians to give her Arctic port back.)
Judith: "That's so strange Anna-Lisa, because you sound Scottish when you speak German."
Oh good.
Belated Birthday Greetings...
...going out to Tara-D, formerly 'The Elk', on her 30th, which was Sunday. Happy Birthday.
Friday, November 04, 2005
Did you know...
...that Monica Lewinsky is studying Psychology at the London School of Economics? I haven't confirmed the report.
Ornamental Kittens
A-L: Paul, I saw the cutest kitten in the entire world on my walk home. It was on the kitchen counter of a basement flat, and it was tiny and cute like a little Christmas ornament kitten, and it waved at me, I think.
Paul: What?
A-L: It was a tabby with white patches and it was so cute and tiny. Maybe I should get a playmate for Kitty.
Paul: What?
A-L: She needs a playmate. Kitty is lonely during the day. I should adopt another kitten for her.
Paul: Don't you mean 'steal' another kitten?
A-L: What?
Paul: You want to get Kitty a kitten?
A-L: Yes, this tiny kitten that I saw was so cute. It looked like a little Christmas ornament.
Paul: And then when the ornament grows up will you get it a kitten of its own?
A-L: Maybe. It will want a playmate. And something to nurture. When Mr. Kitty was about 6 months old I adopted Puppy from the humane society and Mr. Kitty thought he was Puppy's mom. He used to clean him and look out for him. It was very sweet.
Paul: It sounds like a vicious circle.
A-L: Do you mean vicious cycle?
Paul: What?
A-L: It was a tabby with white patches and it was so cute and tiny. Maybe I should get a playmate for Kitty.
Paul: What?
A-L: She needs a playmate. Kitty is lonely during the day. I should adopt another kitten for her.
Paul: Don't you mean 'steal' another kitten?
A-L: What?
Paul: You want to get Kitty a kitten?
A-L: Yes, this tiny kitten that I saw was so cute. It looked like a little Christmas ornament.
Paul: And then when the ornament grows up will you get it a kitten of its own?
A-L: Maybe. It will want a playmate. And something to nurture. When Mr. Kitty was about 6 months old I adopted Puppy from the humane society and Mr. Kitty thought he was Puppy's mom. He used to clean him and look out for him. It was very sweet.
Paul: It sounds like a vicious circle.
A-L: Do you mean vicious cycle?
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
How pathetic....
...has this blog has become? I admit, I've neglected it. It's pathetic. Bring on the hate mail. Bring it on. Michelle S., Sister Maria, Cousin Amy, Cousin-in-law Gary, I dare you! I dare you. I am now a very high-powered (by Gatorade) publishing assistant troll, and I simply don't have time to keep up this site. So, it's been neglected. I apologize. And you're probably not even reading this because it's been so long since I last wrote. Or blogged, as they blog, or say. So, here it is. I'm back. Look who's back, back again, shady's back. (Dear Peter, that is a reference to an Eminem song. He's a wrapper, not a candy.)
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Has Anyone Booked Their Flights Yet?
All y'all better come visit Scotland while you have a free place to stay. I spoke to my dad about the relatively inexpensive flights to which I posted a link the other day, and he said, "sometimes you have to be careful when you're dealin' with some airline ticket broker. You never know what you're gettin'." Thanks, Pete "Delta Airlines" Sandstrum
In a Controversial Move...
...Paul has started calling Kitty by the new name of "Lady Morag." I do not approve, as Morag is perhaps my least favourite Scottish name.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Scenic England
A couple weeks ago we had a work conference at the boss's parents' house. This is their backyard.
Kitty
The custody battle for Kitty has calmed down, for now, so Kitty is still with us at Perth Street.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Active Minded Pete
Let's take a little trip back to 1988. Those were Pete's ladies'-garden-hat-wearing days. Cousin Randy on the left, Uncle Chuck on the right, Garden Lady Pete in the middle.
Retired, Again
I saw a poster advertising Joan Rivers' Farewell Tour. Which confused me, because I thought we'd all said good bye to her already, twice. And then I realised it's the First Annual Farewell Tour. Oh, she's being funny. I get it.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Active Minds
A-L: "My dad called me from France the other day, for free, from his computer, using Skype, which he pronounces 'sky pee'."
Paul: "I think I'd like to meet your dad. It sounds like he has quite an active mind."
A-L: "He does. You'd like him. My dad's a nice guy. In fact, he'd like you."
Paul: "Everybody likes me. Actually, it was the oddest thing, I just met someone who didn't like me, which never happens. Where was that? Oh yes, it was up in Elgin, but she was drunk."
A-L: "Inactive mind."
Paul: "Pardon."
A-L: "She probably has an inactive mind."
Paul: "She needs sky pee."
Paul: "I think I'd like to meet your dad. It sounds like he has quite an active mind."
A-L: "He does. You'd like him. My dad's a nice guy. In fact, he'd like you."
Paul: "Everybody likes me. Actually, it was the oddest thing, I just met someone who didn't like me, which never happens. Where was that? Oh yes, it was up in Elgin, but she was drunk."
A-L: "Inactive mind."
Paul: "Pardon."
A-L: "She probably has an inactive mind."
Paul: "She needs sky pee."
The Axis of RSVPs
So, I am handling the RSVPs for an upcoming event, and it turned out that the only people who had not replied were the Germans, the Italians, and the Japanese. Hmmm...what are they plotting??
So I told flatmate Paul this little factoid and he replied: "I'd expect that of the Italians, but certainly not of the Germans or Japanese."
A-L: "Expect what?"
Paul: "You know, non Respondez S'il Vous Plait . Or Respondez S'il Vous Plait when I'm done with my 4-hour lunch."
A-L: "The EU needs you."
Paul: "I don't think the Japanese will be let into the EU."
A-L: "Not at this rate they won't. They can't even RSVP for a dinner."
So I told flatmate Paul this little factoid and he replied: "I'd expect that of the Italians, but certainly not of the Germans or Japanese."
A-L: "Expect what?"
Paul: "You know, non Respondez S'il Vous Plait . Or Respondez S'il Vous Plait when I'm done with my 4-hour lunch."
A-L: "The EU needs you."
Paul: "I don't think the Japanese will be let into the EU."
A-L: "Not at this rate they won't. They can't even RSVP for a dinner."
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Hot Luck
My friend Dave (Portland Dave) has, in the past, hosted a hot luck. Folks, don't get confused here. It's not a typo. I did not mean to write 'pot luck', I meant what I wrote, 'hot luck'. The concept: bring somethin' hot (spicy hot) to share. At the hot luck I attended Laurel brought habanero poppers (please insert squiggly line over the 'n') that were so hot (spicy hot) that after eating one your body went into survival mode.
So Dave (hot luck Portland Dave) was in a car accident near Bend, Oregon and is in ICU. Caroline (of Camden, Arkansas fame, and g/f of habanero Dave) asked me to ask you to keep Dave in your thoughts and prayers. (Non-denominational prayers will be considered on a case-by-case basis.) Dave has a punctured lung, a broken heel, and broken arm. But Caroline reports that Dave is in good spirits, and apparently "finds all this concern amusing".
Dave, Scotland is sending good thoughts and Presbyterian prayers your way.
So Dave (hot luck Portland Dave) was in a car accident near Bend, Oregon and is in ICU. Caroline (of Camden, Arkansas fame, and g/f of habanero Dave) asked me to ask you to keep Dave in your thoughts and prayers. (Non-denominational prayers will be considered on a case-by-case basis.) Dave has a punctured lung, a broken heel, and broken arm. But Caroline reports that Dave is in good spirits, and apparently "finds all this concern amusing".
Dave, Scotland is sending good thoughts and Presbyterian prayers your way.
Monday, October 03, 2005
Swimming
So I've joined the gym and started swimming.
And when I was in the pool alone the other day, and floating on my back and propelling myself forward with my arms (i.e. the opposite direction you usually swim when doing the backstroke), I realised that it was probably good that I was alone in the pool, and that no one with influence on my career advancement was present. Because when I am in a swimming pool I have the compulsion to pretend that I am a professional synchronized swimmer.
Which I am not.
And when I was in the pool alone the other day, and floating on my back and propelling myself forward with my arms (i.e. the opposite direction you usually swim when doing the backstroke), I realised that it was probably good that I was alone in the pool, and that no one with influence on my career advancement was present. Because when I am in a swimming pool I have the compulsion to pretend that I am a professional synchronized swimmer.
Which I am not.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Day Care Drama
The report from Maria:
Annais got her first smack on the head with a toy from the other little baby (13 mos. old) at day care yesterday! Aila flew to her rescue scolding the little girl: "NO HIT MY BABY!!"
I couldn't be more proud.
Annais got her first smack on the head with a toy from the other little baby (13 mos. old) at day care yesterday! Aila flew to her rescue scolding the little girl: "NO HIT MY BABY!!"
I couldn't be more proud.
DJ Hijinks
Sound from the hallway this morning: Hello???
A-L: Paul! Hi! You're back! How was California?
P: Great. Good. Hot and sunny.
A-L: You're tan.
P: We rented a convertible, and played gangsta rap. We kept the top down even when it was ridiculous to do so. Like when we were going 65mph on the freeway at 10 pm and it was freezing.
A-L: What was the funniest thing that happened?
P: We were at one of the Twin Peaks and met a Japanese tourist. He asked if this was the Twin Peaks, and I said 'one of them', and then he said, 'oh, there are two?'
A-L: Good one.
Meanwhile, in Japan: (translated from Japanese, of course, even the names)
Ken: Hello?? Anybody home??
Michelle: Hi! You're home! How was California?
Ken: Great. The weather was beautiful, and I finally saw Twin Peaks, but only one of them.
Michelle: What was the funniest thing that happened?
Ken: Seeing four Scottish people in a convertible Chrysler Sebring, shivering, driving 65mph, with the top down, and listening to gangsta rap.
Michelle: Good one.
A-L: Paul! Hi! You're back! How was California?
P: Great. Good. Hot and sunny.
A-L: You're tan.
P: We rented a convertible, and played gangsta rap. We kept the top down even when it was ridiculous to do so. Like when we were going 65mph on the freeway at 10 pm and it was freezing.
A-L: What was the funniest thing that happened?
P: We were at one of the Twin Peaks and met a Japanese tourist. He asked if this was the Twin Peaks, and I said 'one of them', and then he said, 'oh, there are two?'
A-L: Good one.
Meanwhile, in Japan: (translated from Japanese, of course, even the names)
Ken: Hello?? Anybody home??
Michelle: Hi! You're home! How was California?
Ken: Great. The weather was beautiful, and I finally saw Twin Peaks, but only one of them.
Michelle: What was the funniest thing that happened?
Ken: Seeing four Scottish people in a convertible Chrysler Sebring, shivering, driving 65mph, with the top down, and listening to gangsta rap.
Michelle: Good one.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Dear ________,
Dear Maria:
Thank you for responding to Caroline's enquiry (inquiry) into Finnish nationalism. (Those readers who don't check the comments section will have missed this development.)
In answer to your question: "Is Paul back yet??", the answer is no. No he's not, Maria. And I'm not sure when he returns. Maybe this Sunday.
Dear Paul (flatmate Paul):
My sister wants to know when you're coming home?
Dear Paul (Portland Paul) and Gemma:
Thank you for sharing my enthusiasm for the German language.
Thank you for responding to Caroline's enquiry (inquiry) into Finnish nationalism. (Those readers who don't check the comments section will have missed this development.)
In answer to your question: "Is Paul back yet??", the answer is no. No he's not, Maria. And I'm not sure when he returns. Maybe this Sunday.
Dear Paul (flatmate Paul):
My sister wants to know when you're coming home?
Dear Paul (Portland Paul) and Gemma:
Thank you for sharing my enthusiasm for the German language.
Overheard
"He thinks he's nicer than I think he is."
My friend on a tricky relationship.
"We can hear your laugh, two rooms over."
My colleagues, to me.
"We had 'the kitten talk'."
Stu breaks the news to me that the kitten's father might repossess Kitty.
"But Kitty thinks I'm her mother."
Crazy cat lady rationalizing her desire to keep someone else's kitten.
My friend on a tricky relationship.
"We can hear your laugh, two rooms over."
My colleagues, to me.
"We had 'the kitten talk'."
Stu breaks the news to me that the kitten's father might repossess Kitty.
"But Kitty thinks I'm her mother."
Crazy cat lady rationalizing her desire to keep someone else's kitten.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
KITTENGATE, Part 1
Stockpiling
Today at the grocery store I bought a big box of dry food and a six-pack of cat food. I figure I can claim kustody (see what I did there, with the klever use of 'k'??) until the food is finished.
Today at the grocery store I bought a big box of dry food and a six-pack of cat food. I figure I can claim kustody (see what I did there, with the klever use of 'k'??) until the food is finished.
Kitten Kustody
The kitten's father is returning tonight from China, and the battle will begin. Will I return Kitty to her rightful owner, or will her rightful owner sense the bond that has developed and let the sleeping kitten lie, with me?
Stay tuned for the events surrounding KITTENGATE.
Stay tuned for the events surrounding KITTENGATE.
Mid-Week German Mania
Last night was the first class of a 10-week German course. Nine of us in the class. (9, not nein.) So far so good. I have the worst vocabulary but I have a plan. (insert evil laugh.) I was the only person who didn't know how to say 'region' or 'election' or 'vote' or . . .
My evil plan: pick their brains for German vocabulary.
My evil plan: pick their brains for German vocabulary.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Grand(e) Plans
Paul: Hello?
A-L: Hi Paul, I need to talk.
Paul: What's up?
A-L: I'm not happy with the way my blog looks.
Paul: Anna-Lisa, I'm in California. Can this wait until I get home?
A-L: Quit being selfish. I have readers to please.
Paul: By 'readers' do you mean your sister, your 33 cousins and the two Judys?
A-L: There's a global network of readers who fly low, you know, below the radar.
Paul: It's 3 a.m., somewhere in the world, I'm in California, and I have to be up early tomorrow for Gregor's wedding.
A-L: You don't have to look rested, the bride does. I hope you're not wearing white. We don't do that in the States. We're very traditional, you know. We're the colonialists.
Paul: Don't trick me into talking about Imperialism so you'll have something to post on your blog. And you're not colonialists, you're the colonies. WE were the colonialists.
A-L: Actually, we're now known as 'the Former Colonies.' And imperialism shouldn't be capitalised.
Paul: What would the Founding Fathers do if they knew you were spelling capitalised with an 's' instead of a 'z'?
A-L: I don't know, what, roll over in their gravez?
Paul: What do you want from me?
A-L: When you get home, can you please fix my blog so that there's not that super-huge white space between the title and post? I think it's aesthetically displeasing to the discerning reader's sense of design. Hello? Paul?
A-L: Hi Paul, I need to talk.
Paul: What's up?
A-L: I'm not happy with the way my blog looks.
Paul: Anna-Lisa, I'm in California. Can this wait until I get home?
A-L: Quit being selfish. I have readers to please.
Paul: By 'readers' do you mean your sister, your 33 cousins and the two Judys?
A-L: There's a global network of readers who fly low, you know, below the radar.
Paul: It's 3 a.m., somewhere in the world, I'm in California, and I have to be up early tomorrow for Gregor's wedding.
A-L: You don't have to look rested, the bride does. I hope you're not wearing white. We don't do that in the States. We're very traditional, you know. We're the colonialists.
Paul: Don't trick me into talking about Imperialism so you'll have something to post on your blog. And you're not colonialists, you're the colonies. WE were the colonialists.
A-L: Actually, we're now known as 'the Former Colonies.' And imperialism shouldn't be capitalised.
Paul: What would the Founding Fathers do if they knew you were spelling capitalised with an 's' instead of a 'z'?
A-L: I don't know, what, roll over in their gravez?
Paul: What do you want from me?
A-L: When you get home, can you please fix my blog so that there's not that super-huge white space between the title and post? I think it's aesthetically displeasing to the discerning reader's sense of design. Hello? Paul?
Talent
If I ever meet George Clooney I'll tell him, "I loved your work in The Facts of Life." (Scroll down to the see photo of George with Mrs. Garrett and the girls.)
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Kitten-tastic, Part II
How kitten-tastic is this site? Do not visit this site if you don't think kittens are cute, and you're evil. I confess that I ridiculously rated each kitten as a 10, because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
Besides Googling the word 'kitten', I'm watching a BBC programme on a hobbit brain that was found on some south Pacific island. And one of the researchers speaking was introduced as 'a leading expert in hobbit brains. And then I came upon a site for rating the kitten-tastic-ness of, well, kittens.
Besides Googling the word 'kitten', I'm watching a BBC programme on a hobbit brain that was found on some south Pacific island. And one of the researchers speaking was introduced as 'a leading expert in hobbit brains. And then I came upon a site for rating the kitten-tastic-ness of, well, kittens.
Avocados
I'd like to talk about avocados, because there's nothing worse than a bad one, and nothing better than a good one. My friend Kyle once said he would marry for guacamole. I'll dip to that.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Two Years in Scotland
Dear Millions of Readers, and what I mean by that is "Dear Maria, Judy and Maria's friends from work...",
Two years ago I sailed for the Old World from that majestic Los Angeles harbour that baggage handlers call LAX. And lax it is. Because in L.A. you can wear sweat pants to court, even if you're the prosecuting attorney. But I won't bore you with one of those silly lists, like "10 things I've Learned Since Leaving the U.S. for the U.K.", because they're silly.
Aila was 14 days old when I left. And now she's a political activist. Maria, stop raising over-achievers.
Two years ago I sailed for the Old World from that majestic Los Angeles harbour that baggage handlers call LAX. And lax it is. Because in L.A. you can wear sweat pants to court, even if you're the prosecuting attorney. But I won't bore you with one of those silly lists, like "10 things I've Learned Since Leaving the U.S. for the U.K.", because they're silly.
Aila was 14 days old when I left. And now she's a political activist. Maria, stop raising over-achievers.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Race relations
I spoke to Aila on the phone yesterday. Here's how it went:
A-L: Hi Aila, how are you?
Aila: Hi. Good. I'm colouring.
A-L: What are you colouring?
Aila: Dora.
And then for some reason I asked her: What colour are you colouring Dora?
Aila: Well, Anna-Lisa, I'm colouring her brown, but that doesn't mean she's not an American citizen. And contrary to popular ignorance, all 'brown' Spanish-speaking Americans are not Mexican. They might be Cuban, or Honduran, or Salvadorean, or Nicaraguan, or Guatamalan, or from (and she said this in the voice of the guy who announces the Miss Universe pageant contestants) Puerto Rico.
A-L: Light brown or dark brown?
Aila: I'm colouring Dora medium brown.
A-L: Is Dora from Puerrrrrrrrtttttttto Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicccoooo?
Aila: I have no idea. By the way, the new mayor of L.A. is Latino. I signed up to work on his campaign, but my mom wouldn't let me drive to L.A. alone.
A-L: You say he's Latino. Don't you mean Mexican?
Aila: He's American, but I'm not sure where his parents are from. He's brown, if that's what you're asking.
A-L: Yeah. So, do you think you'll be able to get some cool college scholarships because you're so frickin' cute . . . I mean, because you're half-brown and half-Finnish.
Aila: I'm actually not half-Finnish. My mom is half-Finnish, so I'm just a quarter Finnish. But I am half-Mexican, one-sixteenth Swedish, a quarter Finnish and the rest is Mid-western, I think.
A-L: Do you know what you want to major in?
Aila: Look, I'm 24 months old, I have a Dora picture to colour, and you've already taken up too much of my Sunday. Do you want to talk to my mom?
A-L: Yeah.
Maria: Hi. What did you and Aila talk about?
A-L: Oh, all I heard was 'Dora' and 'colouring' and 'baby'.
Maria: Aila is talking more and more every day.
You're tellin' me.
A-L: Hi Aila, how are you?
Aila: Hi. Good. I'm colouring.
A-L: What are you colouring?
Aila: Dora.
And then for some reason I asked her: What colour are you colouring Dora?
Aila: Well, Anna-Lisa, I'm colouring her brown, but that doesn't mean she's not an American citizen. And contrary to popular ignorance, all 'brown' Spanish-speaking Americans are not Mexican. They might be Cuban, or Honduran, or Salvadorean, or Nicaraguan, or Guatamalan, or from (and she said this in the voice of the guy who announces the Miss Universe pageant contestants) Puerto Rico.
A-L: Light brown or dark brown?
Aila: I'm colouring Dora medium brown.
A-L: Is Dora from Puerrrrrrrrtttttttto Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicccoooo?
Aila: I have no idea. By the way, the new mayor of L.A. is Latino. I signed up to work on his campaign, but my mom wouldn't let me drive to L.A. alone.
A-L: You say he's Latino. Don't you mean Mexican?
Aila: He's American, but I'm not sure where his parents are from. He's brown, if that's what you're asking.
A-L: Yeah. So, do you think you'll be able to get some cool college scholarships because you're so frickin' cute . . . I mean, because you're half-brown and half-Finnish.
Aila: I'm actually not half-Finnish. My mom is half-Finnish, so I'm just a quarter Finnish. But I am half-Mexican, one-sixteenth Swedish, a quarter Finnish and the rest is Mid-western, I think.
A-L: Do you know what you want to major in?
Aila: Look, I'm 24 months old, I have a Dora picture to colour, and you've already taken up too much of my Sunday. Do you want to talk to my mom?
A-L: Yeah.
Maria: Hi. What did you and Aila talk about?
A-L: Oh, all I heard was 'Dora' and 'colouring' and 'baby'.
Maria: Aila is talking more and more every day.
You're tellin' me.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Kitten-tastic
Seven weeks ago or so, Su went to China, and left me in charge of his kitten, whose name I didn't like, so I've renamed her "Kitty". You might recall that I've had a rabbit named Bunny, and cats named Puppy and Mr. Kitty. So this time, I got creative.
Kitty's been a terrific house guest. She's only peed on the duvet once.
We have a Kitty Rota on the wall in the kitchen so that with three busy people coming and going, we can keep track of who forgot to feed her. The writing, as they say, is on the wall.
Paul said today, "I don't think I'm a cat person." Which made me think of the trouble it would cause if he were half-cat, half-human.
Kitty's been a terrific house guest. She's only peed on the duvet once.
We have a Kitty Rota on the wall in the kitchen so that with three busy people coming and going, we can keep track of who forgot to feed her. The writing, as they say, is on the wall.
Paul said today, "I don't think I'm a cat person." Which made me think of the trouble it would cause if he were half-cat, half-human.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Fond Memories
This evening I remembered that in sixth grade, when our teacher Mrs. Biesendorfer read Where the Red Fern Grows to us, she cried. That's such a great book. Every sixth grade teacher should spend 15 minutes after lunch reading that book to his or her students. And then I was trying to think of the name of the author, and the name Lou Rawls came to mind first. But it's not, it's Wilson Rawls. Thank goodness for the internet, and fact-checking abilities.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
English lessons
Ted's English is coming along well. Tonight's lesson was in long and short vowel sounds, as changed by the 'e' at the end of a word. And then I threw in a lesson about the difference between 'finish', 'finished' and 'Finnish'. Just because I'm the self-appointed teacher and I could.
Monday, September 12, 2005
White Lies
So flatmate Paul was at a wedding last weekend and sat at the same table as an elderly woman and her daughter-in-law, among others. Although Paul is of the opinion that it is the responsibility of older people to begin conversations, he began speaking to the old lady.
Paul: Are you from Elgin?
Old Lady: No, I'm from Lossiemouth. Are you from Elgin?
Paul: Yes.
O.L.: Oh, did you go to school there?
Paul: Yes, I went to Elgin Academy.
O.L.: Oh did you? I taught at Elgin Academy.
Paul: Really? Well, I went there about 15 years ago. What did you teach?
O.L.: A little bit of everything.
Paul: Really?
Daughter-in-law interrupts: No, you didn't teach at Elgin Academy. You worked at the Hydro Board.
Paul to O.L., trying to keep a straight face: Oh, did you like working at the Hydro Board.
O.L.: Yes, I did.
Paul: Are you from Elgin?
Old Lady: No, I'm from Lossiemouth. Are you from Elgin?
Paul: Yes.
O.L.: Oh, did you go to school there?
Paul: Yes, I went to Elgin Academy.
O.L.: Oh did you? I taught at Elgin Academy.
Paul: Really? Well, I went there about 15 years ago. What did you teach?
O.L.: A little bit of everything.
Paul: Really?
Daughter-in-law interrupts: No, you didn't teach at Elgin Academy. You worked at the Hydro Board.
Paul to O.L., trying to keep a straight face: Oh, did you like working at the Hydro Board.
O.L.: Yes, I did.
Friday, September 09, 2005
Long lost roommates
Is roommates one word? Because it looks odd. Maybe I'll throw in an ise and then I'll feel better. Because those Brits don't like our z. But the joke's on them. Because the ize is actually more correct in the sense that it's older. And we all know older is better.
Anyway, if you're a real fan of this blog that means you read the comments, so you'll know that my roommate from Freshman year in college has gotten in touch. When I knew her she was Tara Elkins, from McMinville, Oregon. Kind, smart and outgoing. Boy was she outgoing. I remember riding the elevator up to the 7th floor where our dorm room was, and by the 5th, Tara had met seven people. So, she's switched identities and now is Mrs. Tara Darrow, and she does PR for the pilots of the world, or some such thing. And I googled her and found out she's damn good at her job because she won some award. But I could have told you that anyway, because she's meticulous, and organised, and fun.
Tara and her brother and sister have started an organisation called Answer to Cancer in memory of their brother Adrian who died of liver cancer. So if you feel like donating money to a worthy cause, I nominate this one.
Anyway, if you're a real fan of this blog that means you read the comments, so you'll know that my roommate from Freshman year in college has gotten in touch. When I knew her she was Tara Elkins, from McMinville, Oregon. Kind, smart and outgoing. Boy was she outgoing. I remember riding the elevator up to the 7th floor where our dorm room was, and by the 5th, Tara had met seven people. So, she's switched identities and now is Mrs. Tara Darrow, and she does PR for the pilots of the world, or some such thing. And I googled her and found out she's damn good at her job because she won some award. But I could have told you that anyway, because she's meticulous, and organised, and fun.
Tara and her brother and sister have started an organisation called Answer to Cancer in memory of their brother Adrian who died of liver cancer. So if you feel like donating money to a worthy cause, I nominate this one.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Breakin'
The other evening I remembered that my sister's 7th grade "boyfriend", Pat, broke his leg bike riding, which put the kabash on his break dancin'.
Elusiveness
Conversation overheard at the bank yesterday:
uncharacteristically friendly bank Teller: "Ok, here are your euros."
uncharacteristically (even for Britain) unfriendly Customer: "Thank you."
Teller: "Are you going on holiday?"
Customer: "Yes."
Teller: "Oh, great. Where are you going?"
Customer: "Europe."
uncharacteristically friendly bank Teller: "Ok, here are your euros."
uncharacteristically (even for Britain) unfriendly Customer: "Thank you."
Teller: "Are you going on holiday?"
Customer: "Yes."
Teller: "Oh, great. Where are you going?"
Customer: "Europe."
Friday, September 02, 2005
Our Little Capitalist Piglet
Paul and I are raising Ted (the Polish flatmate) to be a capitalist pig. Not that the Poles aren't capitalists, but they're just not the capitalist pigs they could be. Now, I know some political correspondent - there must be one among my thousands of readers - will comment on the distinction between capitalism and consumerism, so I won't bother. I'll just change my mind now. Paul and I are raising Ted to be a consumer. A piggish one. When he first arrived in our home, he was happy with very little. Then he discovered catalogues. He's bought jeans and shoes and t-shirts and a really fancy camera-phone, and a stereo thats REALLY LOUD and he his currently shopping around for sunglasses and a baseball cap.
So today, as I had the day off, I decided to take Ted to ASDA. It's a subsidiary of Wal-Mart. Need I say more. He loved it. I took him 20 minutes to get past the first aisle. Now the nearest ASDA is two buses and about 25 minutes away. But that will not deter Ted.
Ted: "ASDA very good."
A-L: "I knew you would like it," she cackled.
Ted: "I no know what ASDA is. What is this ASDA? You no say it very big store. I only bring £10. You say we going to big store I bring more money."
A-L: "Oh, I wanted it to be a surprise."
Ted: "OK. It's ok, now I know bus number 44 and 4 come to ASDA."
Uh oh.
And I saw something verrrrrrrrrry suspicious today at ASDA. Jeans for £3. (Which is $5.50.) Hmmmm. Where are these being made? Hmmmmmm. Good thing we have another convert.
So today, as I had the day off, I decided to take Ted to ASDA. It's a subsidiary of Wal-Mart. Need I say more. He loved it. I took him 20 minutes to get past the first aisle. Now the nearest ASDA is two buses and about 25 minutes away. But that will not deter Ted.
Ted: "ASDA very good."
A-L: "I knew you would like it," she cackled.
Ted: "I no know what ASDA is. What is this ASDA? You no say it very big store. I only bring £10. You say we going to big store I bring more money."
A-L: "Oh, I wanted it to be a surprise."
Ted: "OK. It's ok, now I know bus number 44 and 4 come to ASDA."
Uh oh.
And I saw something verrrrrrrrrry suspicious today at ASDA. Jeans for £3. (Which is $5.50.) Hmmmm. Where are these being made? Hmmmmmm. Good thing we have another convert.
Happy Lutheranism
Look at our new little Lutheran, who was baptised last Sunday. And in my baptism dress. And the best part about being the "second" baby is that the story everyone will remember from your babtism is that the pastor said "shut up Jesus" in the sermon, several times. Bless.
Monday, August 29, 2005
A Southern Polish Twang
Evenings at Perth Street are filled with English lessons and elocution lessons and conversational English classes. And along the way, Ted has picked up a bit of an American accent, I'm proud to say. You should hear him say 'thanks'.
Although it has been quite a challenge teaching him the 'th' sound. Apparently it doesn't live in Poland.
And then I spoke to my sister who gave me a run-down on the baptism weekend extravaganza featuring family and friends. Apparently during the baptism service, the Pastor gave a sermon that featured the phrase "shut up Jesus". My sister said Aila's eyes got huge and she turned to my sister and said, "unkind words." Maria says she has a feeling that when she picks Aila up from daycare today, there will be a report of the phrase "shut up Jesus" having been slipped into casual daycare conversation.
Although it has been quite a challenge teaching him the 'th' sound. Apparently it doesn't live in Poland.
And then I spoke to my sister who gave me a run-down on the baptism weekend extravaganza featuring family and friends. Apparently during the baptism service, the Pastor gave a sermon that featured the phrase "shut up Jesus". My sister said Aila's eyes got huge and she turned to my sister and said, "unkind words." Maria says she has a feeling that when she picks Aila up from daycare today, there will be a report of the phrase "shut up Jesus" having been slipped into casual daycare conversation.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Homesickness
Yesterday I spoke to the family who are gathered at my sister's house for the baptism of Annais. I spoke to my uncle and aunt, and cousin-in-law Gary and cousin Tina and cousin's daughter Holly and my sister and my mom and my dad. All in 25 minutes. And this is what they told me:
"It's too hot here." Kalevi (uncle)
"Aila says 'mine'." Ritva (aunt)
"How is your English?" Cousin-in-law Gary (master grammarian / expert board-game-player)
"I slept on an air mattress in Aila's room." Holly (age 8)
"Yesterday we went to go get two Honeybaked hams." Irma (age 65)
"I miss you." Super-kind cousin Tina
"Do you want to come home to go to Aunt Winona's 90th birthday party?" Peter (65,000,000 frequent flier miles, and counting / the-man-who-thinks-its-reasonable-to-fly-someone-from-Scotland-to-attend-a-champagne-brunch-in-Northern-California)
"Tomorrow the Finns and the Mexicans will be here." Maria (mother of two nordic aztecs)
So talking to them made me homesick. So today I'm listening to Willy Nelson. And dammit, I feel better.
"It's too hot here." Kalevi (uncle)
"Aila says 'mine'." Ritva (aunt)
"How is your English?" Cousin-in-law Gary (master grammarian / expert board-game-player)
"I slept on an air mattress in Aila's room." Holly (age 8)
"Yesterday we went to go get two Honeybaked hams." Irma (age 65)
"I miss you." Super-kind cousin Tina
"Do you want to come home to go to Aunt Winona's 90th birthday party?" Peter (65,000,000 frequent flier miles, and counting / the-man-who-thinks-its-reasonable-to-fly-someone-from-Scotland-to-attend-a-champagne-brunch-in-Northern-California)
"Tomorrow the Finns and the Mexicans will be here." Maria (mother of two nordic aztecs)
So talking to them made me homesick. So today I'm listening to Willy Nelson. And dammit, I feel better.
English Society
Ted's English has come on in leaps and bounds since his accident, as he's been off work and has been surrounded by English speakers all day. We have had a whole lotta guests lately at 12 Perth Street, so Ted has had mucho English practice. Irish-Belgian Gemma was here, and then Norette and Robbie and Dougie were in town from Dingwall, followed by Callum this past Friday, and Paul G. from Elgin last night. Maybe I should turn this into a society page, where I can track the goings-on of the up-and-coming. Although I wouldn't want to be friends with people who market themselves as 'up-and-coming.'
So imagine that right here is a photo of Gemma arriving in Edinburgh, with a caption about EU correspondents, or erstwhile publishing students, or some such nonesense.
And here is a photo of Norette and Robbie and Dougie, sipping wine at our flat with a caption about Robbie's success in the music industry, and a plug for his gig.
And then Callum would need no caption, because EVERYBODY knows who he is.
And then Paul Gibson could be featured standing at a jaunty angle next to his beautiful photographs.
And that's the latest from Edinburgh.
So imagine that right here is a photo of Gemma arriving in Edinburgh, with a caption about EU correspondents, or erstwhile publishing students, or some such nonesense.
And here is a photo of Norette and Robbie and Dougie, sipping wine at our flat with a caption about Robbie's success in the music industry, and a plug for his gig.
And then Callum would need no caption, because EVERYBODY knows who he is.
And then Paul Gibson could be featured standing at a jaunty angle next to his beautiful photographs.
And that's the latest from Edinburgh.
Friday, August 26, 2005
Gray/Grey
I'm going grey. And by 'grey' I mean I have one grey hair that has reared its ugly folicle. It's curly. And by 'grey', I actually mean 'white'. My dad went 'grey and bald at 19', so things could be worse for me.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Le Update
Site neglected due to the fact that I am at the computer all day at work and then when I get home I really don't want to sit down at the computer, even if it is to type super funny stuff to keep my readers and fans happy.
But I will try.
Quote for the day:
"I talk to myself and I always agree with me."
Who said it?
A. My dad (Pete Sandstrum)
B. A geek who was giving us a software demo
C. Me
Hint: If you guessed A or C you are incorrect.
But I will try.
Quote for the day:
"I talk to myself and I always agree with me."
Who said it?
A. My dad (Pete Sandstrum)
B. A geek who was giving us a software demo
C. Me
Hint: If you guessed A or C you are incorrect.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
A Mother's Love
8:42 this morning, telephone rings.
A-L: "hello"
Mrs Rollo: "Oh, good morning, this is Ruth, Paul's mother, how are you?"
A-L: "I am well, thank you. You'll never believe it, but Paul is up! Would you like to speak to him?"
Mrs R: "Oh good. He's up then. What time is his exam?" (Criminal Law exam)
A-L: "I believe it's at 9:30. Would you like to speak to him?"
Mrs R: "No, no, I just phoned to say 'Good Luck'."
A-L: "Oh, that's sweet. I'll pass on the message."
-----
In the kitchen:
A-L: "Your mother is so sweet, she phoned just to say good luck on your exam."
Paul: "No she didn't, she phoned to make sure I was awake."
A-L: "Did you ask her to?"
Paul: "No, in fact, she was asked NOT to phone."
A-L: "hello"
Mrs Rollo: "Oh, good morning, this is Ruth, Paul's mother, how are you?"
A-L: "I am well, thank you. You'll never believe it, but Paul is up! Would you like to speak to him?"
Mrs R: "Oh good. He's up then. What time is his exam?" (Criminal Law exam)
A-L: "I believe it's at 9:30. Would you like to speak to him?"
Mrs R: "No, no, I just phoned to say 'Good Luck'."
A-L: "Oh, that's sweet. I'll pass on the message."
-----
In the kitchen:
A-L: "Your mother is so sweet, she phoned just to say good luck on your exam."
Paul: "No she didn't, she phoned to make sure I was awake."
A-L: "Did you ask her to?"
Paul: "No, in fact, she was asked NOT to phone."
Monday, August 15, 2005
Quotable
"Well, you didn't tell me it was a tabby!"
Gemma (friend from Brussels), upon seeing the kitten that will be staying with us for 5 weeks
"You have to eat it with a knife and fork."
The lady at the cafe in answer to my question about what some vegetable covered bread thing was.
Gemma (friend from Brussels), upon seeing the kitten that will be staying with us for 5 weeks
"You have to eat it with a knife and fork."
The lady at the cafe in answer to my question about what some vegetable covered bread thing was.
Missing Pole
So much to report.
The headline of course is that last week our Pole (Ted) didn't come home for two nights in a row. One night, not so odd. Two nights, very odd. So on Thursday morning I phoned his work to make sure he had been showing up. Here's how the conversation went:
9:45 a.m.
Erika: "Hello Zizzi, Erika speaking, how can I help you?"
A-L: "Hi. I have kind of an odd question. My 30-year-old flatmate, Ted, hasn't been home in two days and I just wanted to make sure he's been at work. Because his mother is in Poland, so I'm pretending to be his mother."
Erika: "Oh, actually, he fell at work two days ago and he's in the hospital. Is there anything else I can help you with? Do you want to know our lunch special?"
A-L: "umm, what? He fell? He's in the hospital? Does his wife know? Is he badly hurt? Is he ok? What hospital is he in?"
Erika: "I don't know. Sorry, that's all the information I have. Our special is spinach and chicken pizza. Would you like to book a table?"
A-L: "You don't know what hospital he's in?? Who does know? Where can I find out??"
Erika: "One of the Polish chefs might know. Can you call back at 10?"
A-L: "I suppose."
----------
At 10 I phoned back.
Erika: "Hello Zizzi, this is Erika speaking, how can I help you?"
A-L: "Hi, this is Ted's flatmate again. Do you have any more information?"
Erika: "Yes, apparently he had an operation yesterday."
A-L: "Where? What operation?"
Erika: "I'm sorry, that's all the information I have. We have lovely views from our restaurant of the water."
A-L: "WELL WHO DOES KNOW WHAT HOSPITAL HE'S IN? CAN I HAVE THE NUMBER TO YOUR HEAD OFFICE?"
Erika: "I'll speak to our operations manager and phone you back."
Turns out Ted fell down the staircase at Zizzi while carrying plates, and his arm landed on the broken crockery, which severed something blood-filled in his arm. So he had an operation on Wednesday, and didn't come home because he couldn't remember our phone number, and it was too far to walk. Bless.
He's home now, recovering. And doing well. In fact, he went to the hospital this morning to have the stitches removed.
The headline of course is that last week our Pole (Ted) didn't come home for two nights in a row. One night, not so odd. Two nights, very odd. So on Thursday morning I phoned his work to make sure he had been showing up. Here's how the conversation went:
9:45 a.m.
Erika: "Hello Zizzi, Erika speaking, how can I help you?"
A-L: "Hi. I have kind of an odd question. My 30-year-old flatmate, Ted, hasn't been home in two days and I just wanted to make sure he's been at work. Because his mother is in Poland, so I'm pretending to be his mother."
Erika: "Oh, actually, he fell at work two days ago and he's in the hospital. Is there anything else I can help you with? Do you want to know our lunch special?"
A-L: "umm, what? He fell? He's in the hospital? Does his wife know? Is he badly hurt? Is he ok? What hospital is he in?"
Erika: "I don't know. Sorry, that's all the information I have. Our special is spinach and chicken pizza. Would you like to book a table?"
A-L: "You don't know what hospital he's in?? Who does know? Where can I find out??"
Erika: "One of the Polish chefs might know. Can you call back at 10?"
A-L: "I suppose."
----------
At 10 I phoned back.
Erika: "Hello Zizzi, this is Erika speaking, how can I help you?"
A-L: "Hi, this is Ted's flatmate again. Do you have any more information?"
Erika: "Yes, apparently he had an operation yesterday."
A-L: "Where? What operation?"
Erika: "I'm sorry, that's all the information I have. We have lovely views from our restaurant of the water."
A-L: "WELL WHO DOES KNOW WHAT HOSPITAL HE'S IN? CAN I HAVE THE NUMBER TO YOUR HEAD OFFICE?"
Erika: "I'll speak to our operations manager and phone you back."
Turns out Ted fell down the staircase at Zizzi while carrying plates, and his arm landed on the broken crockery, which severed something blood-filled in his arm. So he had an operation on Wednesday, and didn't come home because he couldn't remember our phone number, and it was too far to walk. Bless.
He's home now, recovering. And doing well. In fact, he went to the hospital this morning to have the stitches removed.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Overheard
Last week someone at work described a book as being covered in (or with) "the patina of academia." I wrote it down. And I just Googled that phrase, and got 61 hits. For heaven's sake, who are these rhetoricians? (Incidentally, "rhetoricians" when Googled returns 62,200 hits.)
Edinburgh Festival Explained
Yes, as you may know, Edinburgh is sometimes called the Festival City. Why, you ask, well because this city plays host to:
The Edinburgh Jazz and Blues Festival
The Edinburgh International Festival
The Fringe Festival
The Edinburgh International Book Festival
and the
The Edinburgh International Film Festival
. . . all during the month of August. So why aren't you in Edinburgh, Judy??
The Edinburgh Jazz and Blues Festival
The Edinburgh International Festival
The Fringe Festival
The Edinburgh International Book Festival
and the
The Edinburgh International Film Festival
. . . all during the month of August. So why aren't you in Edinburgh, Judy??
Friday, August 05, 2005
Update
1. Last week I went to London and back in one day for a meeting and made it back safely.
2. The boyfriend and I are kitten sitting for seven weeks while the cat's mother and father are in China. Stuart is definitely in love. With the kitten.
3. Edinburgh Festival has begun. The best place to enjoy the Edinburgh Festival is in Edinburgh.
4. Niece Aila has added the word "never" to her vocabulary, and is reported to have responded to Grandpa's request for her to get a book for him to read to her with, "no, never."
5. Maria has promised that every time her girls say "I'm bored", she'll tell them "go sweep the patio."
6. No, never.
7. Irish-Belgian-erstwhile-publishing-student-current-EU-affairs-reporter Gemma will arrive in Edinburgh next Friday, I believe, for Festival fun and excitement.
8. Norette to follow.
9. Norette.
10. Why haven't you visited Edinburgh? Book tickets now to avoid disappointment.
2. The boyfriend and I are kitten sitting for seven weeks while the cat's mother and father are in China. Stuart is definitely in love. With the kitten.
3. Edinburgh Festival has begun. The best place to enjoy the Edinburgh Festival is in Edinburgh.
4. Niece Aila has added the word "never" to her vocabulary, and is reported to have responded to Grandpa's request for her to get a book for him to read to her with, "no, never."
5. Maria has promised that every time her girls say "I'm bored", she'll tell them "go sweep the patio."
6. No, never.
7. Irish-Belgian-erstwhile-publishing-student-current-EU-affairs-reporter Gemma will arrive in Edinburgh next Friday, I believe, for Festival fun and excitement.
8. Norette to follow.
9. Norette.
10. Why haven't you visited Edinburgh? Book tickets now to avoid disappointment.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Letter from Paul, to the Corinthians, I mean Edinburgians
An excerpt from the e-mail I received from flatmate Paul today:
hey A-L
i had very peculiar dreams last night including one in which you got electrocuted (but were ultimately OK you'll be glad to know) and another in which Stu sent me an email saying we couldn't be friends anymore.
hey A-L
i had very peculiar dreams last night including one in which you got electrocuted (but were ultimately OK you'll be glad to know) and another in which Stu sent me an email saying we couldn't be friends anymore.
Busyness
Dear Readers, Fans, and Friends,
I have been tres busy as of late and have much neglected this site. But your outpouring of support has inspired me to post this update:
I am busy.
The end.
More later.
I have been tres busy as of late and have much neglected this site. But your outpouring of support has inspired me to post this update:
I am busy.
The end.
More later.
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