Monday, March 29, 2010

A Cat By Any Other Name

The Seahorse Whisperer: You'll NEVER guess what happened on the flight back to Omaha.

A-L: You went to Omaha?

TSW: No. My sister, the Thumb-Sucking Cat's Brother's mother, finished her rotation at the hospital in San Francisco, and took the Thumb-Sucking Cat's Brother back to Omaha, to be reunited with the Thumb-Sucking Cat.

A-L: Did they get upgraded to first class after the flight crew found out who his brother was?

TSW: Not quite. The sedatives wore off halfway through the flight, and the Thumb-Sucking Cat's Brother went crazy. He started biting his way out of his cat carrier. And apparently my sister's right index finger tastes like cat carrier, because he bit it. Super hard.

A-L: Maybe he heard her talking about dropping him off at the pound.

TSW: It's possible. But she ended up with a pretty severe bite, and spent the last three days in the hospital. On Saturday the doctor told her she had a 15% chance of losing her index finger. But now she's on the mend. And her finger is getting better.

JB: At least it wasn't her thumb.

A-L: Too right. Then we'd have to call him The Thumb-Sucking Cat's Thumb-Biting Brother. I much prefer The Thumb-Sucking Cat's Frequent Flying Finger Biting Brother.

Friday, March 26, 2010

Parlez Vous Office Furniture

French colleague, JC, was in town for a visit to HQ.

JC: I will leave the folder at the box.

A-L: My mail box?

JC: No, at the box. Where you sit. I don't think I could work in these boxes.

A-L: We call them cubicles. But it is like a box, with a hole on one side for entry, and no lid.

Kitty: Sounds ideal.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Moving Out

The Thumb-Sucking Cat's Brother is moving back to Omaha.

Going-Away dinner tonight.

Call for details.

Dogs welcome.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Word of the Day

Dear Readers,

I'd like to introduce you to a word invented by my Scottish friend, GW:

snoo·fa definition

Pronunciation: /snu'-fə/
or snoo·fa Pronunciation: /-(ˌ)fō/
Function: n
: A snooze on a sofa.

Origin:
2009–10; orig. Scottish.

snooze.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Airport Travails

Caroline: Help me.

A-L: Where are you?

Caroline: At PDX. On Standby. With a two-year-old. Two flights have left without me.

A-L: Peace be with you. But I don't have any babysitting contacts at PDX. I'm assuming that's what you need?

Caroline: I'd take a gin gimlet. I've been here since 4 am.

A-L: Is there a bookstore near you?

Caroline: Not one that serves cocktails.

A-L: And you didn't bring a laptop so you could watch Magnum P.I.?

Caroline: One of the many things I forgot.

A-L: Well, Caroline, I suggest people watching. PDX is a great place for that.

Caroline: You're kidding. Surely LAX, JFK, LHR, CDG, NRT, MIA and IDO would be better spots for that.

A-L: How wrong you are. You won't find better than seeing folks who travel once every 15 years coming off a puddle-jumper from Cheyenne, Wyoming navigating the maze that is PDX en route to their connection to Springfield, Oregon.

Caroline: I suppose.

A-L: Once I landed at PDX and passed a man sitting in the waiting area holding a cat, who clearly did not want to be in this man's lap, or at the airport. You won't see that in Paris, or Rio, or Tokyo.

Caroline: Yeah, nothin' says "Welcome to Portland" like an angry/scared cat.

Kitty: Except maybe a thumb-sucking one.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

The Pipefish Whisperer

Kitty: So what's the origin of the name "The Seahorse Whisperer"?

A-L: It's a play on the very popular and much over-used verbal trick of adding "Whisperer" after an animal's name. Like "The Horse Whisperer" or "The Dog Whisperer". It indicates a person's ability to charm/tame/understand/train said animal.

Kitty: Psst, don't talk to me like I'm an imbecile.

A-L: Morgan's studying evolutionary biology, and concentrating her work on seahorses and pipefish.

Kitty: And Pipefish Whisperer doesn't sound as good.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Fame - Part Deux

Public Safety Pete: Who is Steve Miller?

A-L: Is this a Knock Knock joke?

PSP: No, that would have started with "Knock Knock".

A-L: Who's there?

Kitty: Steve Miller.

PSP: I don't know who that is.

Kitty: You were supposed to say "Steve Miller who".

PSP: Exactly.

A-L: He's a musician. I don't know how he's escaped your attention.

PSP: I've been busy.

A-L: Anyway, he hugged downstairs neighbor Michael. And now he's famous.

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Tour Idea

A-L: What's new, temporary Scandi roommate?

Åsa: I have a brilliant business idea. I'm going to give tours of IKEA. Downstairs neighbor Michael and the Seahorse Whisperer have never been there.

Å-L: You're kidding.

Åsa: The Seahorse Whisperer spends all her time in windowless biology labs, and Michael is devoted to Craigslist. But I imagine there are others out there. And what better way to introduce people to the magic of IKEA, than having a Swede tour them around?

Kitty: Having a Finn tour them around?

Åsa: I would explain ALL the Swedish words, and their relevance and historical and cultural significance.

Å-L: My sister caught chicken pox (in the play area) at the IKEA outside Frankfurt in 1979. Could you incorporate that into your presentation?

Åsa: That could possibly be an anecdote played on the headsets on the ride over to IKEA, but it's not particularly relevant.

Kitty: Or interesting.

Åsa: And I'm not sure the higher-ups at IKEA would endorse a tour that highlights the petri dish-like nature of the play area. But you digress. The tour would end with a fabulous meal at the IKEA cafeteria, and everyone would get a pack of tea lights.

Sign ups accepted now.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Fame

A-L: Hi Michael, what's new?

Michael: I met Steve Miller the other day.

A-L: Do I know him?

Michael: You're a joker.

A-L: Oh, THAT Steve Miller. Was he nice?

Michael: He hugged me.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Thanksgiving in March

I'm thankful:
  • That the Thumb-Sucking Cat's Brother has only peed in my room twice
  • That cat pee isn't blue
  • That the muffler I saw on the side of the 101 isn't mine
  • That the dishwasher in the middle lane of the 880 this morning isn't mine
  • for Silvio Berlusconi, who brings an element of comedy to corruption and international politics

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Update from Portland

A-L: What's new?

Caroline: I've been re-watching 1980s sitcoms in my free time.

A-L: Simon and Simon?

Caroline: Magnum P.I. I've just gone through all eight seasons.

A-L: Wow, eight years is a long time.

Caroline: Too long, if I may say so. It went a bit "Miami Vice" in season eight. But there's something really comforting about watching a favorite childhood sitcom. Seeing Tom Selleck takes me back to my elementary school days in Arkansas.

A-L: I think I'm really confused about Arkansas now.

Caroline: I highly recommend taking in a few hundred hours of an old show. Besides, I love Tom Selleck.

A-L: I don't have a television. But I suppose The Seahorse Whisperer, Roommate Will and I could re-enact scenes from Dallas, focusing on the years before Bobby came back from the dead.

Kitty: I'll play Sue Ellen.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

RIP Corey Haim

In the immortal (and oft repeated here) words of Sara, "can you even?"

Kitty: I totally can't.

Monday, March 08, 2010

Thumb-Suckings Cat's Brother for Sale (or free to a good home)

A-L: You'll never guess what happened.

Caroline: You're right.

A-L: The Sea-Horse Whisperer's Sister's Thumb-Sucking Cat's Brother jumped up on my bed last night and...

Caroline: Peed with impunity?

A-L: How'd you know?

Caroline: Everyone comes to me with cat pee stories.

A-L: I don't suppose you have any of that coyote urine left?

Caroline: Um, that wouldn't help you. The Thumb-Sucker's Brother is peeing in your room not because he sees Steve and Fake Steve in the yard, but because he's been traumatized by the move across country.

A-L: I think he wants my room. It gets morning sun and has a nice closet.

Caroline: No, he's in distress. He misses Omaha, and his brother.

A-L: I do suppose San Francisco is quite a change. He's started wearing skinny jeans. And he's also been self-harming. He has scratched two bald spots on his forehead.

Caroline: Do you want me to send you my, er, dog-eared copy of Think Like a Cat?

A-L: Will that get cat pee out of down comforter?

Caroline: No, you need Anti Icky Poo for that.

Overheard

"I don't care if she's had plastic surgery, it works."
Sheila on Demi Moore

"It's just a house."
Brussels/Edinburgh/DC Steven on The White House

"But our center of government is just a door."
Brussels/Edinburgh/DC Steven on 10 Downing Street

Thursday, March 04, 2010

The Amazing Thumb-Sucking Cat, Almost

The Seahorse Whisperer: My older sister's cat is coming to stay with us for a while.

A-L: Cool. Anything special we should know about him?

TSW's Younger Sister: He might be a thumb-sucker.

Peter the Greek: His own, or someone else's?

TSW: His own.

A-L: Why do you say he "might" suck his thumb?

TSW's Younger Sister: We're not sure if it's him or his brother.

Peter the Greek: Could you call your older sister and ask?

A-L: I'd rather be surprised.

---

Boo has arrived. Turns out he's the Amazing Thumb-Sucking Cat's Brother. In case you need yet ANOTHER reason to visit San Francisco. For a limited time only.
 
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