Story Time (with Aila)

I was reading a book to Annais, and Aila was playing nearby.

This is what should have happened:

A-L, pointing to a bird/parrot in the book: What's this, Annais?

Annais: Bird.

A-L: Very good. It's a bird. It's called a parrot.

Annais: Parrot.

This is what really happened:

A-L: What's this, Annais?

Radio silence from Annais.

A-L: What is it Annais? Is it a bird?

Aila: Oh, that's a scarlet macaw. It's one of my favourite birds.

Radio silence from Anna-Lisa.

Confrontation

A-L: I have a question. Actually my friend Caroline wants me to ask you something.

Ted: What?

A-L: Are you really David Coverdale, of Whitesnake fame?

Ted: Yeah, that's actually why Paul moved out. He hates Whitesnake.

Fun with Mullet Wig (and Ted)

And the 'money' shot:

Moveable Airports

4 days ago...

Pete: I see you've booked yourself another round of rookie flights back to Edinburgh.

A-L: No, it's fine. I have a friend in Cincinnati who might come see me at the airport, and I'm hoping to meet Dawn in Paris for a coffee before my flight to Edinburgh.

Pete: I hope your 'friend' in Cincinnati likes Kentucky, because that's where the airport is.

A-L: Shirley, you jest.

Pete: The Cincinnati airport is in Northern Kentucky. Look it up. But it's just across the river.

A-L: What river? So where was WKRP?

Pete: And I don't think it's a good idea to leave the airport in Paris. It'll take you longer than you think to get into town, and you'll have a heckuva time going back through security.

A-L: It's amazing that I survive alone in Scotland.

Pete: Your mother prays A LOT.

A-L: So are you taking me to the airport?

Pete: Yeah, I'm going to East Texas for work.

4:30 a.m. the morning of departure...

Irma: Your father has to repack his suitcase. He forgot it was winter in East Texas.

A-L: What season did he think it was? Does this mean I have to wait for him to execute a complete wardrobe change? Does he know Colorado just got hit by another blizzard? I heard they're airlifting food to cattle stranded in the snow. And Pete's packed linen trousers?

Pete (shouts from the other room): I'm not going to Colorado. I'm going to East Texas. Oklahoma protects it from Colorado.

At the airport...

After security, I realise I left my winter coat in the rental car that my dad was going to turn in. I make my way to the gate, then consider calling my dad's cell phone from the pay phone, and decide just to head to the lounge.

Lady at the desk, after I show my boarding pass: Your dad is looking for you. He has your coat. He's waiting downstairs for you.

So I go back to the front, and find my dad, who says someone took my coat to the gate.

A-L (sheepishly): Thanks.

So I go back through security, and to the gate, and retrieve my coat. Then back to the lounge.

Lady at the desk: Oh good, you got your coat.

A-L: Yeah, I wonder why my parents treat me like I'm 11 years old, and then I leave my coat in the rental car.

Lady at the desk: Oh, I bet your mom prays for you, a lot.

Just like the stigmata

There, in the mirror, between Dawn's two heads, appears Paul Auster. For his fans, it will be crystal clear that it's the man himself.

Emir

I met Emir in Cincinnati, waiting for the flight to Paris. He's 14 years old, and was travelling from Portland, Oregon with his uncle, going back home to Istanbul.

Emir and his uncle bickered like brothers. But in a kind-hearted way. Mostly about semantics.

Emir told me a joke. The punchline was "because he was looking for Pooh."

I told Emir a riddle. And after 20 seconds he asked "What would the answer be?" More arguing about semantics.

And when Emir's uncle went to charge his mobile phone, Emir left him a note saying he had gone to meet a friend in Cincinnati and wasn't travelling back to Turkey with him. I wish I'd taken that note.

"You fell for it," he told his uncle.

"No, I didn't," his uncle said.

(Replay above dialogue 10 times.)

Emir showed me all 178 photos on his phone. Most were of his dogs, and a school trip to Helsinki, for a softball tournament.

And then Emir asked me about the Napa Valley. And after a visit to the buffet, he held up a fork with a grape on the middle tine and said, "THIS is why we want to go to California."

And then Emir was concerned that the Frankfurt flight which was leaving at the same time as our flight was boarding first. He wanted to know why. And kept asking why? why? why?

So I told him it's because the Germans are very organised, and before I could say more he said, "We're German."

"Gut, dann können wir Deutsch sprechen," I replied.

"Oops, we're not German," he said.

And then he asked me what my dad does for a living. I told Emir he owns the Cincinnati airport.

No, actually, he installs and fixes medical equipment.

"With a screwdriver?"

"Yes, and nothing else."

I wish I could write about Emir more eloquently. He was so kind and smart and mischevious, and more polite than any other 14-year-old. And he made the 5-hour layover in Cincinnati fly by.