A-L (singing): Theee fiiiirrrrsssst nnooooooeeel, thhheeee first noel
Paul: Who was telling me about someone born on Christmas day whose name is Noel? Was it you?
A-L: No, but I know someone born in December whose name is Noelle.
Paul: Who was telling me that, I mean, if it wasn't you? I don't talk to anyone else. I haven't left our living room in 33 days.
A-L: Ummm, maybe Kitty told you. Or did you read it online?
Paul: Yeah, I probably read it online.
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Moving Day
Paul: Hey, A-L, when are you moving out?
A-L: What? Are you trying to get rid of me?
Paul: No, when are you leaving for California?
A-L: Oh, on the 17th. Are you renting out my room while I'm gone?
Paul: No, it would be too much of a hassle. It would take too long to explain everything. Can you imagine having to explain Ted to a new flatmate? "This is Ted. He doesn't feed the cat. He teases her, and sometimes he locks her in the bathroom, accidentally. And his room stinks." It would take weeks to explain.
A-L: Yes, I suppose that's reason enough not to rent out my room while I'm gone...
A-L: What? Are you trying to get rid of me?
Paul: No, when are you leaving for California?
A-L: Oh, on the 17th. Are you renting out my room while I'm gone?
Paul: No, it would be too much of a hassle. It would take too long to explain everything. Can you imagine having to explain Ted to a new flatmate? "This is Ted. He doesn't feed the cat. He teases her, and sometimes he locks her in the bathroom, accidentally. And his room stinks." It would take weeks to explain.
A-L: Yes, I suppose that's reason enough not to rent out my room while I'm gone...
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
The Words Were Out of My Mouth Before I Knew It
So at Ted's party I was talking with Katie and Stuart about their niece Hannah, who turned 1 in August. Apparently she's an adorable genius. And they have proof. Hannah was at daycare, and one of the adults asked her "is your dad picking you up today?" So Hannah said something, seemingly unintelligible. And then the two-year-old standing next to her said to the lady, "no, Hannah's dad is at University today." Apparently Hannah's dad was at University that day, and this information could not have come from anyone other than Hannah, as none of the adults at the daycare knew that he had gone back to school. So, Katie and Stuart take this as proof of Hannah's genius. Fair enough. Although I think the two-year old also deserves some credit for interpreting. But I didn't mention this. I didn't want to burst their "our niece is a genius bubble." So, instead I said:
"Well, does your niece speak Spanish?"
"Well, does your niece speak Spanish?"
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Multi-Loyal
I know that cats have never been prized for their loyalty, but since I'm usually 'the Feeder of the cat' I am the recipient of loyal behaviour, however faux it might be.
The current situation is quite different. Kitty has deserted. Paul, who does not buy her food or change her litter tray, or pay her vet bills, is apparently her favourite. (Ironically, she is sitting in my lap, for the first time in weeks, as I type this. Cats are also manipulative.) So, Kitty has 'gone off me', as the British would say. She lets Paul hold her, and she jumps into his lap where she will happily sit for hours. If I so much as look at her, she will run from the room. Teenagers.
The current situation is quite different. Kitty has deserted. Paul, who does not buy her food or change her litter tray, or pay her vet bills, is apparently her favourite. (Ironically, she is sitting in my lap, for the first time in weeks, as I type this. Cats are also manipulative.) So, Kitty has 'gone off me', as the British would say. She lets Paul hold her, and she jumps into his lap where she will happily sit for hours. If I so much as look at her, she will run from the room. Teenagers.
Christmas Cards
Paul: What's that list you're writing?
A-L: Christmas card list.
Paul: It's very long.
A-L: I have thousands of friends.
Paul: And you send all of them Christmas cards?
A-L: Unfortunately it's the only time all year that I write to most of them. So I think it's important to keep it up. And, how else am I supposed to generate Christmas cards? That's why I send them out in early December, and when I e-mail everyone to ask for their address, I give them mine.
Paul: You're going to the States on the 17th, that doesn't give people much time to get their cards to you. You'll have to get yours out soon.
A-L: I never said the cards have to arrive here before I leave for the States. In fact, I want to walk back in the door and have a stack of at least 10 waiting for me.
Paul: You're sending out 603, I think you'll get more than 10 back. And how do you decide who doesn't get a card?
A-L: That's easy. I don't send cards to people who I haven't spoken to, or had contact with (via e-mail), for a time period longer than that for which I knew and had regular contact for them. For example, I knew Stella for a year and a half, haven't spoken to or heard from her for two years, she's off the list. A very simple equation. And I don't send cards to my Jewish friends.
Paul: Don't you send them Hannukah cards? I think you should.
A-L: They don't send me Christmas cards.
A-L: Christmas card list.
Paul: It's very long.
A-L: I have thousands of friends.
Paul: And you send all of them Christmas cards?
A-L: Unfortunately it's the only time all year that I write to most of them. So I think it's important to keep it up. And, how else am I supposed to generate Christmas cards? That's why I send them out in early December, and when I e-mail everyone to ask for their address, I give them mine.
Paul: You're going to the States on the 17th, that doesn't give people much time to get their cards to you. You'll have to get yours out soon.
A-L: I never said the cards have to arrive here before I leave for the States. In fact, I want to walk back in the door and have a stack of at least 10 waiting for me.
Paul: You're sending out 603, I think you'll get more than 10 back. And how do you decide who doesn't get a card?
A-L: That's easy. I don't send cards to people who I haven't spoken to, or had contact with (via e-mail), for a time period longer than that for which I knew and had regular contact for them. For example, I knew Stella for a year and a half, haven't spoken to or heard from her for two years, she's off the list. A very simple equation. And I don't send cards to my Jewish friends.
Paul: Don't you send them Hannukah cards? I think you should.
A-L: They don't send me Christmas cards.
Cat Flu
For the most part I have received nice messages from friends and family wishing me a speedy recovery from this flu. From my father, however, I received this e-mail: "Your mother thinks it's cat allergies."
Operation Laptop
Dear Fans, Friends and Readers,
Operation Laptop restoration is under way. Pete has sent two, yes two, e-mails giving advice on how to resucitate it. Paul is performing minor surgery as we speak, so I am using Paul's laptop. It's not the same. The genius doesn't flow.
More later,
A-L
Operation Laptop restoration is under way. Pete has sent two, yes two, e-mails giving advice on how to resucitate it. Paul is performing minor surgery as we speak, so I am using Paul's laptop. It's not the same. The genius doesn't flow.
More later,
A-L
Friday, November 25, 2005
Wine + Laptop = No Blogging
SOMEONE spilled a glass of wine on my laptop at the party last Saturday which means my blogging is limited.
Paul: Does anyone want to use my laptop?
A-L: I'd like to.
Paul: You can use it until I go to bed.
A-L: When are you going to bed?
Paul: In 15 minutes.
Oh good. Well, that's all I have time for. Good night.
Paul: Does anyone want to use my laptop?
A-L: I'd like to.
Paul: You can use it until I go to bed.
A-L: When are you going to bed?
Paul: In 15 minutes.
Oh good. Well, that's all I have time for. Good night.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Alpha Beta
Telephone conversation with 'the Irma':
Irma: Hi, I was just thinking about you so I thought I'd call. It's such nice weather outside. It's 75 degrees, and your dad left to go to Chicago for RSNA, and it's supposed to be really cold there. Huge storms this weekend. So I've just been out in the yard, and am going to relax and read the paper. You'll never guess who we saw the other day at Alpha Beta.
A-L: Alpha Beta closed in 1983. And then it became Lucky's, and then Ralphs, and now it's Albertsons, I think.
Irma: Well, you'll never guess who we saw at Alpha Beta. Never! Nancy. We saw Nancy.
A-L: I know 133 people named Nancy, none of whom have been to Alpha Beta since in closed in 1983. Which one did you see?
Irma: Nancy Meher. We stood and talked to her at the front of the store. And then we saw Marcia Larsson. Do you remember her? The tall blonde lady from church?
A-L: Was she also sucked back in time to 1983 for a quick trip to Alpha Beta to pick up a case of Tab?
Irma: You know Marcia, the tall blonde lady.
A-L: Uh huh.
Irma: And then we went around the corner to the Salvation Army thrift store because your dad wanted to buy a purse to carry some tools in. He needed something small and thought an old purse would do the trick. He ended up buying a shaving kit from Rite Aid and using that, but everything in the Salvation Army was 50% off and they even gave us a senior citizen discount on the cookie plate that I bought.
A-L: Do you get a commission for dropping store names into conversation?
Irma: Isn't that funny that we got 50% off AND a senior discount?
A-L: Yes, that's the funniest part of this entire story.
Irma: Hi, I was just thinking about you so I thought I'd call. It's such nice weather outside. It's 75 degrees, and your dad left to go to Chicago for RSNA, and it's supposed to be really cold there. Huge storms this weekend. So I've just been out in the yard, and am going to relax and read the paper. You'll never guess who we saw the other day at Alpha Beta.
A-L: Alpha Beta closed in 1983. And then it became Lucky's, and then Ralphs, and now it's Albertsons, I think.
Irma: Well, you'll never guess who we saw at Alpha Beta. Never! Nancy. We saw Nancy.
A-L: I know 133 people named Nancy, none of whom have been to Alpha Beta since in closed in 1983. Which one did you see?
Irma: Nancy Meher. We stood and talked to her at the front of the store. And then we saw Marcia Larsson. Do you remember her? The tall blonde lady from church?
A-L: Was she also sucked back in time to 1983 for a quick trip to Alpha Beta to pick up a case of Tab?
Irma: You know Marcia, the tall blonde lady.
A-L: Uh huh.
Irma: And then we went around the corner to the Salvation Army thrift store because your dad wanted to buy a purse to carry some tools in. He needed something small and thought an old purse would do the trick. He ended up buying a shaving kit from Rite Aid and using that, but everything in the Salvation Army was 50% off and they even gave us a senior citizen discount on the cookie plate that I bought.
A-L: Do you get a commission for dropping store names into conversation?
Irma: Isn't that funny that we got 50% off AND a senior discount?
A-L: Yes, that's the funniest part of this entire story.
White Space Be Gone
The white space is finally gone. But so are all the customisations (yes, it's a word) that flatmate Paul helped me create. It will take a while to get this looking ok, but bear with me. (insert cartoon of cute little bear)
Fleas
Last Sunday -
A-L: I'm taking Kitty to the vet tomorrow. I don't think she knows yet.
Paul: How are you taking her there?
A-L: In my handbag. Actually, I might phone them to see if they have a cat carrier I can use.
Paul: Will you put a blanket in there so she's comfortable?
A-L: Yeah, I guess so. But the vet is a block and half away, and I don't think a blanket will make up for the fact that she's confined in a box.
After the vet appointment -
A-L: Let's return her. She has fleas. It's November, it's 3 degrees outside and the cat has fleas. I thought they only lived near the equator. I can see the Arctic Circle from my bedroom window, and my cat has fleas. Don't they die after Labor Day?
Paul: Presumably the cat's fur keeps the fleas warm.
A-L: Don't get smart with me. I didn't sign up for this deal. Now I have to medicate her, fumigate the house, and wash all the bedding.
Paul: What do you mean you didn't 'sign up for this deal.' You stole that cat.
A-L: I didn't know she had fleas. This changes everything.
Paul: Don't be so dramatic.
A-L: What's a blog without drama? You have to keep the readers coming back.
A-L: I'm taking Kitty to the vet tomorrow. I don't think she knows yet.
Paul: How are you taking her there?
A-L: In my handbag. Actually, I might phone them to see if they have a cat carrier I can use.
Paul: Will you put a blanket in there so she's comfortable?
A-L: Yeah, I guess so. But the vet is a block and half away, and I don't think a blanket will make up for the fact that she's confined in a box.
After the vet appointment -
A-L: Let's return her. She has fleas. It's November, it's 3 degrees outside and the cat has fleas. I thought they only lived near the equator. I can see the Arctic Circle from my bedroom window, and my cat has fleas. Don't they die after Labor Day?
Paul: Presumably the cat's fur keeps the fleas warm.
A-L: Don't get smart with me. I didn't sign up for this deal. Now I have to medicate her, fumigate the house, and wash all the bedding.
Paul: What do you mean you didn't 'sign up for this deal.' You stole that cat.
A-L: I didn't know she had fleas. This changes everything.
Paul: Don't be so dramatic.
A-L: What's a blog without drama? You have to keep the readers coming back.
Thursday
Conversation on Tuesday evening:
Paul: What are you doing on Thursday?
A-L: I don't know. I don't have any plans. Why do you ask?
Paul: Because it's Thanksgiving.
A-L: Oh yeah.
Paul: You should have a turkey sandwich.
A-L: Why didn't I think of that?
Paul: What are you doing on Thursday?
A-L: I don't know. I don't have any plans. Why do you ask?
Paul: Because it's Thanksgiving.
A-L: Oh yeah.
Paul: You should have a turkey sandwich.
A-L: Why didn't I think of that?
Bird Flu
I have bird flu. Not THE bird flu, but a minor strain. Perhaps finch flu. I've been feverish and head-achey and stuffed up for three days.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Globalisation
A-L to guy in the queue: I didn't cut in front of you did I?
Guy: No, no. I wasn't in the queue.
A-L: Are you American?
Guy: No, I'm Dutch, but I grew up in New York and have spent a lot of time in London, and I have American flatmates, so I think I've picked up some of their accent.
A-L: You gotta watch out for those Americans.
Guy: I know.
Super-cool Friend of Guy: What are saying?
Guy to S-CFofG: Oh, she was just saying that I sound American, so I was saying that I must have picked it up from my flatmates.
S-CFofG to Guy: Yeah, that's globalisation for you.
A-L to herself: No, globalisation is that you're buying Doritos on Dundas Street in Edinburgh.
Guy: No, no. I wasn't in the queue.
A-L: Are you American?
Guy: No, I'm Dutch, but I grew up in New York and have spent a lot of time in London, and I have American flatmates, so I think I've picked up some of their accent.
A-L: You gotta watch out for those Americans.
Guy: I know.
Super-cool Friend of Guy: What are saying?
Guy to S-CFofG: Oh, she was just saying that I sound American, so I was saying that I must have picked it up from my flatmates.
S-CFofG to Guy: Yeah, that's globalisation for you.
A-L to herself: No, globalisation is that you're buying Doritos on Dundas Street in Edinburgh.
Overheard
Today:
"If there's one thing I hate more than amateur theatre, it's children's amateur theatre."
"If there's one thing I hate more than amateur theatre, it's children's amateur theatre."
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
When Does A Party Really Begin
Martin Little posed a good question. What time does the party start? (Ted's Birthday party, that is.) If I had sent out invitations I would have said 8ish. But if you say 8ish, people show up at 10:30ish. And if you say 9ish, they'll arrive at 10:45ish. But if you want people to arrive at 9:30ish, because you're looking forward to seeing everyone, you'd have to say 7:15ish on the invitation, and then people would think dinner was involved. No sit-down dinner. Arrive when you like, the earlier the better.
Ted's Birthday
Polish flatmate Ted will be 31 on Saturday, 19th of November. Which is why this conversation took place:
A-L: What should we get Ted for his birthday?
Paul: Deodorant.
A-L: That's not very nice.
Paul: That's what he got me for my birthday.
A-L: Oh yeah, but that was sweet.
Paul: What??
A-L: Well, he had just moved in with us, he was new to the country, he was working 60 hours a week, and he wanted to buy you a present, so he got you something you could use. Now that we've turned him into a capitalist pig he'll never again give sweet, simple presents.
Paul: What did he give you for your birthday?
A-L: Nothing. Why don't we give the bastard back the deodorant he gave you.
Paul: I think it's probably enough of a gift that we're throwing him a birthday party on Saturday (to which Martin Little is invited, if you're reading this).
A-L: Let's get one thing straight: we are throwing a party, and it happens to be on Ted's birthday, but it is not a birthday party for Ted.
Paul: You've changed your tune.
A-L: Because you reminded me that he didn't get me anything for my birthday. And, it's your job to keep Ted away from the stereo on Saturday night.
Paul: Is that because he's discovered Meatloaf?
A-L: Yes, I would do anything to never hear Meatloaf again, especially at my belated birthday party.
Paul: Oh, now it's your birthday party.
A-L: Well, the 11th of December is my half birthday.
Paul: I think people stop celebrating half birthdays when they're 7.
A-L: Maybe in Britain. But there's a strong history of lavishly celebrated half birthdays in the U.S. Especially if your birthday falls at an inopportune time, such as June, when people are still recovering (emotionally and financially) from all those birthday parties the Pisceans threw themselves three months back.
Paul: You know, Ted said something to me the other day about "Dolly Parton", "party", "Saturday" and "broken". Do you have any idea what he's talking about?
A-L: I think he meant to say, "I've hidden A-L's Dolly Parton CD. Tell her it's broken."
A-L: What should we get Ted for his birthday?
Paul: Deodorant.
A-L: That's not very nice.
Paul: That's what he got me for my birthday.
A-L: Oh yeah, but that was sweet.
Paul: What??
A-L: Well, he had just moved in with us, he was new to the country, he was working 60 hours a week, and he wanted to buy you a present, so he got you something you could use. Now that we've turned him into a capitalist pig he'll never again give sweet, simple presents.
Paul: What did he give you for your birthday?
A-L: Nothing. Why don't we give the bastard back the deodorant he gave you.
Paul: I think it's probably enough of a gift that we're throwing him a birthday party on Saturday (to which Martin Little is invited, if you're reading this).
A-L: Let's get one thing straight: we are throwing a party, and it happens to be on Ted's birthday, but it is not a birthday party for Ted.
Paul: You've changed your tune.
A-L: Because you reminded me that he didn't get me anything for my birthday. And, it's your job to keep Ted away from the stereo on Saturday night.
Paul: Is that because he's discovered Meatloaf?
A-L: Yes, I would do anything to never hear Meatloaf again, especially at my belated birthday party.
Paul: Oh, now it's your birthday party.
A-L: Well, the 11th of December is my half birthday.
Paul: I think people stop celebrating half birthdays when they're 7.
A-L: Maybe in Britain. But there's a strong history of lavishly celebrated half birthdays in the U.S. Especially if your birthday falls at an inopportune time, such as June, when people are still recovering (emotionally and financially) from all those birthday parties the Pisceans threw themselves three months back.
Paul: You know, Ted said something to me the other day about "Dolly Parton", "party", "Saturday" and "broken". Do you have any idea what he's talking about?
A-L: I think he meant to say, "I've hidden A-L's Dolly Parton CD. Tell her it's broken."
Saturday, November 12, 2005
The Other One
A-L: Paul, can you help me fix something on my blog.
Paul: Are you trying to trick me into looking at photos of your nieces?
A-L: Yes.
Paul: Fine.
A-L: Maria just sent these through.
Paul: By 'Maria' do you mean 'Mother Romero'?
A-L: Yes.
Paul: Ohmigod. Annais is huge.
A-L: She is. She's going to be very tall. Father Romero is 6'3", I think. Or is it 6'2"?
Paul: Annais doesn't look like Aila did when she was a baby, does she?
A-L: Actually, the other one looks just like Aila did when she was a baby.
Paul: Did you just refer to Annais as 'the other one'?
A-L: No. You can't prove that I did.
Paul: You've posted it to your blog.
A-L: Well, she's the second baby. It's ok to call her 'the other one'. I don't even remember when she was born. Was it this year, or last?
Paul: That's terrible. What if the other one finds out?
A-L: Well, then I'll just tell her the story of the time my mom called me by the dog's name, and then corrected herself by calling me by my dad's name, followed by 'Maria'. And my friend Inga, the youngest of three girls was known as Mhairi-Karen-Inga. Which, all things considered, is a much better name than Muffin-Peter-Maria.
Paul: Are you trying to trick me into looking at photos of your nieces?
A-L: Yes.
Paul: Fine.
A-L: Maria just sent these through.
Paul: By 'Maria' do you mean 'Mother Romero'?
A-L: Yes.
Paul: Ohmigod. Annais is huge.
A-L: She is. She's going to be very tall. Father Romero is 6'3", I think. Or is it 6'2"?
Paul: Annais doesn't look like Aila did when she was a baby, does she?
A-L: Actually, the other one looks just like Aila did when she was a baby.
Paul: Did you just refer to Annais as 'the other one'?
A-L: No. You can't prove that I did.
Paul: You've posted it to your blog.
A-L: Well, she's the second baby. It's ok to call her 'the other one'. I don't even remember when she was born. Was it this year, or last?
Paul: That's terrible. What if the other one finds out?
A-L: Well, then I'll just tell her the story of the time my mom called me by the dog's name, and then corrected herself by calling me by my dad's name, followed by 'Maria'. And my friend Inga, the youngest of three girls was known as Mhairi-Karen-Inga. Which, all things considered, is a much better name than Muffin-Peter-Maria.
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Kitten Talk
A-L to Kitty: "You're a bad Kitty."
Paul to A-L: "Don't say that to her. You'll give her a complex."
A-L to Paul: "No I won't. She doesn't know what I'm saying, she just listens to my tone of voice."
Paul to A-L: "She doesn't listen to you."
A-L to Kitty: "That's why you're a baaaaaaaaaaad Kitty."
Paul to A-L: "YOU'RE a baaaaaad Kitty."
A-L to Paul: "I wonder why no one reads my blog."
Paul to A-L: "Don't say that to her. You'll give her a complex."
A-L to Paul: "No I won't. She doesn't know what I'm saying, she just listens to my tone of voice."
Paul to A-L: "She doesn't listen to you."
A-L to Kitty: "That's why you're a baaaaaaaaaaad Kitty."
Paul to A-L: "YOU'RE a baaaaaad Kitty."
A-L to Paul: "I wonder why no one reads my blog."
German Class
So there I was, in German class about three weeks ago, when the substitute teacher asked us to introduce people in the class. So she asked Grant who he could introduce.
In German (Auf Deutsch, bitte):
Grant: "I can introduce Anna-Lisa."
Substitute Teacher: "Great. What can you reveal about her that will shock and disturb the other students?"
Grant: "Anna-Lisa is American."
A hush falls over the room.
Judith gasped: "I had no idea you were American."
Neil to Alistair: "She's American? But she looks normal."
Alistair to Neil: "No she doesn't."
Grant: "And her mother is Finnish." (And the Russians killed her mother's father and brother. And her mom wants the Russians to give her Arctic port back.)
Judith: "That's so strange Anna-Lisa, because you sound Scottish when you speak German."
Oh good.
In German (Auf Deutsch, bitte):
Grant: "I can introduce Anna-Lisa."
Substitute Teacher: "Great. What can you reveal about her that will shock and disturb the other students?"
Grant: "Anna-Lisa is American."
A hush falls over the room.
Judith gasped: "I had no idea you were American."
Neil to Alistair: "She's American? But she looks normal."
Alistair to Neil: "No she doesn't."
Grant: "And her mother is Finnish." (And the Russians killed her mother's father and brother. And her mom wants the Russians to give her Arctic port back.)
Judith: "That's so strange Anna-Lisa, because you sound Scottish when you speak German."
Oh good.
Belated Birthday Greetings...
...going out to Tara-D, formerly 'The Elk', on her 30th, which was Sunday. Happy Birthday.
Friday, November 04, 2005
Did you know...
...that Monica Lewinsky is studying Psychology at the London School of Economics? I haven't confirmed the report.
Ornamental Kittens
A-L: Paul, I saw the cutest kitten in the entire world on my walk home. It was on the kitchen counter of a basement flat, and it was tiny and cute like a little Christmas ornament kitten, and it waved at me, I think.
Paul: What?
A-L: It was a tabby with white patches and it was so cute and tiny. Maybe I should get a playmate for Kitty.
Paul: What?
A-L: She needs a playmate. Kitty is lonely during the day. I should adopt another kitten for her.
Paul: Don't you mean 'steal' another kitten?
A-L: What?
Paul: You want to get Kitty a kitten?
A-L: Yes, this tiny kitten that I saw was so cute. It looked like a little Christmas ornament.
Paul: And then when the ornament grows up will you get it a kitten of its own?
A-L: Maybe. It will want a playmate. And something to nurture. When Mr. Kitty was about 6 months old I adopted Puppy from the humane society and Mr. Kitty thought he was Puppy's mom. He used to clean him and look out for him. It was very sweet.
Paul: It sounds like a vicious circle.
A-L: Do you mean vicious cycle?
Paul: What?
A-L: It was a tabby with white patches and it was so cute and tiny. Maybe I should get a playmate for Kitty.
Paul: What?
A-L: She needs a playmate. Kitty is lonely during the day. I should adopt another kitten for her.
Paul: Don't you mean 'steal' another kitten?
A-L: What?
Paul: You want to get Kitty a kitten?
A-L: Yes, this tiny kitten that I saw was so cute. It looked like a little Christmas ornament.
Paul: And then when the ornament grows up will you get it a kitten of its own?
A-L: Maybe. It will want a playmate. And something to nurture. When Mr. Kitty was about 6 months old I adopted Puppy from the humane society and Mr. Kitty thought he was Puppy's mom. He used to clean him and look out for him. It was very sweet.
Paul: It sounds like a vicious circle.
A-L: Do you mean vicious cycle?
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
How pathetic....
...has this blog has become? I admit, I've neglected it. It's pathetic. Bring on the hate mail. Bring it on. Michelle S., Sister Maria, Cousin Amy, Cousin-in-law Gary, I dare you! I dare you. I am now a very high-powered (by Gatorade) publishing assistant troll, and I simply don't have time to keep up this site. So, it's been neglected. I apologize. And you're probably not even reading this because it's been so long since I last wrote. Or blogged, as they blog, or say. So, here it is. I'm back. Look who's back, back again, shady's back. (Dear Peter, that is a reference to an Eminem song. He's a wrapper, not a candy.)
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Has Anyone Booked Their Flights Yet?
All y'all better come visit Scotland while you have a free place to stay. I spoke to my dad about the relatively inexpensive flights to which I posted a link the other day, and he said, "sometimes you have to be careful when you're dealin' with some airline ticket broker. You never know what you're gettin'." Thanks, Pete "Delta Airlines" Sandstrum
In a Controversial Move...
...Paul has started calling Kitty by the new name of "Lady Morag." I do not approve, as Morag is perhaps my least favourite Scottish name.
Friday, October 21, 2005
Scenic England
A couple weeks ago we had a work conference at the boss's parents' house. This is their backyard.
Kitty
The custody battle for Kitty has calmed down, for now, so Kitty is still with us at Perth Street.
Friday, October 14, 2005
Active Minded Pete
Let's take a little trip back to 1988. Those were Pete's ladies'-garden-hat-wearing days. Cousin Randy on the left, Uncle Chuck on the right, Garden Lady Pete in the middle.
Retired, Again
I saw a poster advertising Joan Rivers' Farewell Tour. Which confused me, because I thought we'd all said good bye to her already, twice. And then I realised it's the First Annual Farewell Tour. Oh, she's being funny. I get it.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Active Minds
A-L: "My dad called me from France the other day, for free, from his computer, using Skype, which he pronounces 'sky pee'."
Paul: "I think I'd like to meet your dad. It sounds like he has quite an active mind."
A-L: "He does. You'd like him. My dad's a nice guy. In fact, he'd like you."
Paul: "Everybody likes me. Actually, it was the oddest thing, I just met someone who didn't like me, which never happens. Where was that? Oh yes, it was up in Elgin, but she was drunk."
A-L: "Inactive mind."
Paul: "Pardon."
A-L: "She probably has an inactive mind."
Paul: "She needs sky pee."
Paul: "I think I'd like to meet your dad. It sounds like he has quite an active mind."
A-L: "He does. You'd like him. My dad's a nice guy. In fact, he'd like you."
Paul: "Everybody likes me. Actually, it was the oddest thing, I just met someone who didn't like me, which never happens. Where was that? Oh yes, it was up in Elgin, but she was drunk."
A-L: "Inactive mind."
Paul: "Pardon."
A-L: "She probably has an inactive mind."
Paul: "She needs sky pee."
The Axis of RSVPs
So, I am handling the RSVPs for an upcoming event, and it turned out that the only people who had not replied were the Germans, the Italians, and the Japanese. Hmmm...what are they plotting??
So I told flatmate Paul this little factoid and he replied: "I'd expect that of the Italians, but certainly not of the Germans or Japanese."
A-L: "Expect what?"
Paul: "You know, non Respondez S'il Vous Plait . Or Respondez S'il Vous Plait when I'm done with my 4-hour lunch."
A-L: "The EU needs you."
Paul: "I don't think the Japanese will be let into the EU."
A-L: "Not at this rate they won't. They can't even RSVP for a dinner."
So I told flatmate Paul this little factoid and he replied: "I'd expect that of the Italians, but certainly not of the Germans or Japanese."
A-L: "Expect what?"
Paul: "You know, non Respondez S'il Vous Plait . Or Respondez S'il Vous Plait when I'm done with my 4-hour lunch."
A-L: "The EU needs you."
Paul: "I don't think the Japanese will be let into the EU."
A-L: "Not at this rate they won't. They can't even RSVP for a dinner."
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Hot Luck
My friend Dave (Portland Dave) has, in the past, hosted a hot luck. Folks, don't get confused here. It's not a typo. I did not mean to write 'pot luck', I meant what I wrote, 'hot luck'. The concept: bring somethin' hot (spicy hot) to share. At the hot luck I attended Laurel brought habanero poppers (please insert squiggly line over the 'n') that were so hot (spicy hot) that after eating one your body went into survival mode.
So Dave (hot luck Portland Dave) was in a car accident near Bend, Oregon and is in ICU. Caroline (of Camden, Arkansas fame, and g/f of habanero Dave) asked me to ask you to keep Dave in your thoughts and prayers. (Non-denominational prayers will be considered on a case-by-case basis.) Dave has a punctured lung, a broken heel, and broken arm. But Caroline reports that Dave is in good spirits, and apparently "finds all this concern amusing".
Dave, Scotland is sending good thoughts and Presbyterian prayers your way.
So Dave (hot luck Portland Dave) was in a car accident near Bend, Oregon and is in ICU. Caroline (of Camden, Arkansas fame, and g/f of habanero Dave) asked me to ask you to keep Dave in your thoughts and prayers. (Non-denominational prayers will be considered on a case-by-case basis.) Dave has a punctured lung, a broken heel, and broken arm. But Caroline reports that Dave is in good spirits, and apparently "finds all this concern amusing".
Dave, Scotland is sending good thoughts and Presbyterian prayers your way.
Monday, October 03, 2005
Swimming
So I've joined the gym and started swimming.
And when I was in the pool alone the other day, and floating on my back and propelling myself forward with my arms (i.e. the opposite direction you usually swim when doing the backstroke), I realised that it was probably good that I was alone in the pool, and that no one with influence on my career advancement was present. Because when I am in a swimming pool I have the compulsion to pretend that I am a professional synchronized swimmer.
Which I am not.
And when I was in the pool alone the other day, and floating on my back and propelling myself forward with my arms (i.e. the opposite direction you usually swim when doing the backstroke), I realised that it was probably good that I was alone in the pool, and that no one with influence on my career advancement was present. Because when I am in a swimming pool I have the compulsion to pretend that I am a professional synchronized swimmer.
Which I am not.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Day Care Drama
The report from Maria:
Annais got her first smack on the head with a toy from the other little baby (13 mos. old) at day care yesterday! Aila flew to her rescue scolding the little girl: "NO HIT MY BABY!!"
I couldn't be more proud.
Annais got her first smack on the head with a toy from the other little baby (13 mos. old) at day care yesterday! Aila flew to her rescue scolding the little girl: "NO HIT MY BABY!!"
I couldn't be more proud.
DJ Hijinks
Sound from the hallway this morning: Hello???
A-L: Paul! Hi! You're back! How was California?
P: Great. Good. Hot and sunny.
A-L: You're tan.
P: We rented a convertible, and played gangsta rap. We kept the top down even when it was ridiculous to do so. Like when we were going 65mph on the freeway at 10 pm and it was freezing.
A-L: What was the funniest thing that happened?
P: We were at one of the Twin Peaks and met a Japanese tourist. He asked if this was the Twin Peaks, and I said 'one of them', and then he said, 'oh, there are two?'
A-L: Good one.
Meanwhile, in Japan: (translated from Japanese, of course, even the names)
Ken: Hello?? Anybody home??
Michelle: Hi! You're home! How was California?
Ken: Great. The weather was beautiful, and I finally saw Twin Peaks, but only one of them.
Michelle: What was the funniest thing that happened?
Ken: Seeing four Scottish people in a convertible Chrysler Sebring, shivering, driving 65mph, with the top down, and listening to gangsta rap.
Michelle: Good one.
A-L: Paul! Hi! You're back! How was California?
P: Great. Good. Hot and sunny.
A-L: You're tan.
P: We rented a convertible, and played gangsta rap. We kept the top down even when it was ridiculous to do so. Like when we were going 65mph on the freeway at 10 pm and it was freezing.
A-L: What was the funniest thing that happened?
P: We were at one of the Twin Peaks and met a Japanese tourist. He asked if this was the Twin Peaks, and I said 'one of them', and then he said, 'oh, there are two?'
A-L: Good one.
Meanwhile, in Japan: (translated from Japanese, of course, even the names)
Ken: Hello?? Anybody home??
Michelle: Hi! You're home! How was California?
Ken: Great. The weather was beautiful, and I finally saw Twin Peaks, but only one of them.
Michelle: What was the funniest thing that happened?
Ken: Seeing four Scottish people in a convertible Chrysler Sebring, shivering, driving 65mph, with the top down, and listening to gangsta rap.
Michelle: Good one.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Dear ________,
Dear Maria:
Thank you for responding to Caroline's enquiry (inquiry) into Finnish nationalism. (Those readers who don't check the comments section will have missed this development.)
In answer to your question: "Is Paul back yet??", the answer is no. No he's not, Maria. And I'm not sure when he returns. Maybe this Sunday.
Dear Paul (flatmate Paul):
My sister wants to know when you're coming home?
Dear Paul (Portland Paul) and Gemma:
Thank you for sharing my enthusiasm for the German language.
Thank you for responding to Caroline's enquiry (inquiry) into Finnish nationalism. (Those readers who don't check the comments section will have missed this development.)
In answer to your question: "Is Paul back yet??", the answer is no. No he's not, Maria. And I'm not sure when he returns. Maybe this Sunday.
Dear Paul (flatmate Paul):
My sister wants to know when you're coming home?
Dear Paul (Portland Paul) and Gemma:
Thank you for sharing my enthusiasm for the German language.
Overheard
"He thinks he's nicer than I think he is."
My friend on a tricky relationship.
"We can hear your laugh, two rooms over."
My colleagues, to me.
"We had 'the kitten talk'."
Stu breaks the news to me that the kitten's father might repossess Kitty.
"But Kitty thinks I'm her mother."
Crazy cat lady rationalizing her desire to keep someone else's kitten.
My friend on a tricky relationship.
"We can hear your laugh, two rooms over."
My colleagues, to me.
"We had 'the kitten talk'."
Stu breaks the news to me that the kitten's father might repossess Kitty.
"But Kitty thinks I'm her mother."
Crazy cat lady rationalizing her desire to keep someone else's kitten.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
KITTENGATE, Part 1
Stockpiling
Today at the grocery store I bought a big box of dry food and a six-pack of cat food. I figure I can claim kustody (see what I did there, with the klever use of 'k'??) until the food is finished.
Today at the grocery store I bought a big box of dry food and a six-pack of cat food. I figure I can claim kustody (see what I did there, with the klever use of 'k'??) until the food is finished.
Kitten Kustody
The kitten's father is returning tonight from China, and the battle will begin. Will I return Kitty to her rightful owner, or will her rightful owner sense the bond that has developed and let the sleeping kitten lie, with me?
Stay tuned for the events surrounding KITTENGATE.
Stay tuned for the events surrounding KITTENGATE.
Mid-Week German Mania
Last night was the first class of a 10-week German course. Nine of us in the class. (9, not nein.) So far so good. I have the worst vocabulary but I have a plan. (insert evil laugh.) I was the only person who didn't know how to say 'region' or 'election' or 'vote' or . . .
My evil plan: pick their brains for German vocabulary.
My evil plan: pick their brains for German vocabulary.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Grand(e) Plans
Paul: Hello?
A-L: Hi Paul, I need to talk.
Paul: What's up?
A-L: I'm not happy with the way my blog looks.
Paul: Anna-Lisa, I'm in California. Can this wait until I get home?
A-L: Quit being selfish. I have readers to please.
Paul: By 'readers' do you mean your sister, your 33 cousins and the two Judys?
A-L: There's a global network of readers who fly low, you know, below the radar.
Paul: It's 3 a.m., somewhere in the world, I'm in California, and I have to be up early tomorrow for Gregor's wedding.
A-L: You don't have to look rested, the bride does. I hope you're not wearing white. We don't do that in the States. We're very traditional, you know. We're the colonialists.
Paul: Don't trick me into talking about Imperialism so you'll have something to post on your blog. And you're not colonialists, you're the colonies. WE were the colonialists.
A-L: Actually, we're now known as 'the Former Colonies.' And imperialism shouldn't be capitalised.
Paul: What would the Founding Fathers do if they knew you were spelling capitalised with an 's' instead of a 'z'?
A-L: I don't know, what, roll over in their gravez?
Paul: What do you want from me?
A-L: When you get home, can you please fix my blog so that there's not that super-huge white space between the title and post? I think it's aesthetically displeasing to the discerning reader's sense of design. Hello? Paul?
A-L: Hi Paul, I need to talk.
Paul: What's up?
A-L: I'm not happy with the way my blog looks.
Paul: Anna-Lisa, I'm in California. Can this wait until I get home?
A-L: Quit being selfish. I have readers to please.
Paul: By 'readers' do you mean your sister, your 33 cousins and the two Judys?
A-L: There's a global network of readers who fly low, you know, below the radar.
Paul: It's 3 a.m., somewhere in the world, I'm in California, and I have to be up early tomorrow for Gregor's wedding.
A-L: You don't have to look rested, the bride does. I hope you're not wearing white. We don't do that in the States. We're very traditional, you know. We're the colonialists.
Paul: Don't trick me into talking about Imperialism so you'll have something to post on your blog. And you're not colonialists, you're the colonies. WE were the colonialists.
A-L: Actually, we're now known as 'the Former Colonies.' And imperialism shouldn't be capitalised.
Paul: What would the Founding Fathers do if they knew you were spelling capitalised with an 's' instead of a 'z'?
A-L: I don't know, what, roll over in their gravez?
Paul: What do you want from me?
A-L: When you get home, can you please fix my blog so that there's not that super-huge white space between the title and post? I think it's aesthetically displeasing to the discerning reader's sense of design. Hello? Paul?
Talent
If I ever meet George Clooney I'll tell him, "I loved your work in The Facts of Life." (Scroll down to the see photo of George with Mrs. Garrett and the girls.)
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Kitten-tastic, Part II
How kitten-tastic is this site? Do not visit this site if you don't think kittens are cute, and you're evil. I confess that I ridiculously rated each kitten as a 10, because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
Besides Googling the word 'kitten', I'm watching a BBC programme on a hobbit brain that was found on some south Pacific island. And one of the researchers speaking was introduced as 'a leading expert in hobbit brains. And then I came upon a site for rating the kitten-tastic-ness of, well, kittens.
Besides Googling the word 'kitten', I'm watching a BBC programme on a hobbit brain that was found on some south Pacific island. And one of the researchers speaking was introduced as 'a leading expert in hobbit brains. And then I came upon a site for rating the kitten-tastic-ness of, well, kittens.
Avocados
I'd like to talk about avocados, because there's nothing worse than a bad one, and nothing better than a good one. My friend Kyle once said he would marry for guacamole. I'll dip to that.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Two Years in Scotland
Dear Millions of Readers, and what I mean by that is "Dear Maria, Judy and Maria's friends from work...",
Two years ago I sailed for the Old World from that majestic Los Angeles harbour that baggage handlers call LAX. And lax it is. Because in L.A. you can wear sweat pants to court, even if you're the prosecuting attorney. But I won't bore you with one of those silly lists, like "10 things I've Learned Since Leaving the U.S. for the U.K.", because they're silly.
Aila was 14 days old when I left. And now she's a political activist. Maria, stop raising over-achievers.
Two years ago I sailed for the Old World from that majestic Los Angeles harbour that baggage handlers call LAX. And lax it is. Because in L.A. you can wear sweat pants to court, even if you're the prosecuting attorney. But I won't bore you with one of those silly lists, like "10 things I've Learned Since Leaving the U.S. for the U.K.", because they're silly.
Aila was 14 days old when I left. And now she's a political activist. Maria, stop raising over-achievers.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Race relations
I spoke to Aila on the phone yesterday. Here's how it went:
A-L: Hi Aila, how are you?
Aila: Hi. Good. I'm colouring.
A-L: What are you colouring?
Aila: Dora.
And then for some reason I asked her: What colour are you colouring Dora?
Aila: Well, Anna-Lisa, I'm colouring her brown, but that doesn't mean she's not an American citizen. And contrary to popular ignorance, all 'brown' Spanish-speaking Americans are not Mexican. They might be Cuban, or Honduran, or Salvadorean, or Nicaraguan, or Guatamalan, or from (and she said this in the voice of the guy who announces the Miss Universe pageant contestants) Puerto Rico.
A-L: Light brown or dark brown?
Aila: I'm colouring Dora medium brown.
A-L: Is Dora from Puerrrrrrrrtttttttto Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicccoooo?
Aila: I have no idea. By the way, the new mayor of L.A. is Latino. I signed up to work on his campaign, but my mom wouldn't let me drive to L.A. alone.
A-L: You say he's Latino. Don't you mean Mexican?
Aila: He's American, but I'm not sure where his parents are from. He's brown, if that's what you're asking.
A-L: Yeah. So, do you think you'll be able to get some cool college scholarships because you're so frickin' cute . . . I mean, because you're half-brown and half-Finnish.
Aila: I'm actually not half-Finnish. My mom is half-Finnish, so I'm just a quarter Finnish. But I am half-Mexican, one-sixteenth Swedish, a quarter Finnish and the rest is Mid-western, I think.
A-L: Do you know what you want to major in?
Aila: Look, I'm 24 months old, I have a Dora picture to colour, and you've already taken up too much of my Sunday. Do you want to talk to my mom?
A-L: Yeah.
Maria: Hi. What did you and Aila talk about?
A-L: Oh, all I heard was 'Dora' and 'colouring' and 'baby'.
Maria: Aila is talking more and more every day.
You're tellin' me.
A-L: Hi Aila, how are you?
Aila: Hi. Good. I'm colouring.
A-L: What are you colouring?
Aila: Dora.
And then for some reason I asked her: What colour are you colouring Dora?
Aila: Well, Anna-Lisa, I'm colouring her brown, but that doesn't mean she's not an American citizen. And contrary to popular ignorance, all 'brown' Spanish-speaking Americans are not Mexican. They might be Cuban, or Honduran, or Salvadorean, or Nicaraguan, or Guatamalan, or from (and she said this in the voice of the guy who announces the Miss Universe pageant contestants) Puerto Rico.
A-L: Light brown or dark brown?
Aila: I'm colouring Dora medium brown.
A-L: Is Dora from Puerrrrrrrrtttttttto Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicccoooo?
Aila: I have no idea. By the way, the new mayor of L.A. is Latino. I signed up to work on his campaign, but my mom wouldn't let me drive to L.A. alone.
A-L: You say he's Latino. Don't you mean Mexican?
Aila: He's American, but I'm not sure where his parents are from. He's brown, if that's what you're asking.
A-L: Yeah. So, do you think you'll be able to get some cool college scholarships because you're so frickin' cute . . . I mean, because you're half-brown and half-Finnish.
Aila: I'm actually not half-Finnish. My mom is half-Finnish, so I'm just a quarter Finnish. But I am half-Mexican, one-sixteenth Swedish, a quarter Finnish and the rest is Mid-western, I think.
A-L: Do you know what you want to major in?
Aila: Look, I'm 24 months old, I have a Dora picture to colour, and you've already taken up too much of my Sunday. Do you want to talk to my mom?
A-L: Yeah.
Maria: Hi. What did you and Aila talk about?
A-L: Oh, all I heard was 'Dora' and 'colouring' and 'baby'.
Maria: Aila is talking more and more every day.
You're tellin' me.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Kitten-tastic
Seven weeks ago or so, Su went to China, and left me in charge of his kitten, whose name I didn't like, so I've renamed her "Kitty". You might recall that I've had a rabbit named Bunny, and cats named Puppy and Mr. Kitty. So this time, I got creative.
Kitty's been a terrific house guest. She's only peed on the duvet once.
We have a Kitty Rota on the wall in the kitchen so that with three busy people coming and going, we can keep track of who forgot to feed her. The writing, as they say, is on the wall.
Paul said today, "I don't think I'm a cat person." Which made me think of the trouble it would cause if he were half-cat, half-human.
Kitty's been a terrific house guest. She's only peed on the duvet once.
We have a Kitty Rota on the wall in the kitchen so that with three busy people coming and going, we can keep track of who forgot to feed her. The writing, as they say, is on the wall.
Paul said today, "I don't think I'm a cat person." Which made me think of the trouble it would cause if he were half-cat, half-human.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Fond Memories
This evening I remembered that in sixth grade, when our teacher Mrs. Biesendorfer read Where the Red Fern Grows to us, she cried. That's such a great book. Every sixth grade teacher should spend 15 minutes after lunch reading that book to his or her students. And then I was trying to think of the name of the author, and the name Lou Rawls came to mind first. But it's not, it's Wilson Rawls. Thank goodness for the internet, and fact-checking abilities.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
English lessons
Ted's English is coming along well. Tonight's lesson was in long and short vowel sounds, as changed by the 'e' at the end of a word. And then I threw in a lesson about the difference between 'finish', 'finished' and 'Finnish'. Just because I'm the self-appointed teacher and I could.
Monday, September 12, 2005
White Lies
So flatmate Paul was at a wedding last weekend and sat at the same table as an elderly woman and her daughter-in-law, among others. Although Paul is of the opinion that it is the responsibility of older people to begin conversations, he began speaking to the old lady.
Paul: Are you from Elgin?
Old Lady: No, I'm from Lossiemouth. Are you from Elgin?
Paul: Yes.
O.L.: Oh, did you go to school there?
Paul: Yes, I went to Elgin Academy.
O.L.: Oh did you? I taught at Elgin Academy.
Paul: Really? Well, I went there about 15 years ago. What did you teach?
O.L.: A little bit of everything.
Paul: Really?
Daughter-in-law interrupts: No, you didn't teach at Elgin Academy. You worked at the Hydro Board.
Paul to O.L., trying to keep a straight face: Oh, did you like working at the Hydro Board.
O.L.: Yes, I did.
Paul: Are you from Elgin?
Old Lady: No, I'm from Lossiemouth. Are you from Elgin?
Paul: Yes.
O.L.: Oh, did you go to school there?
Paul: Yes, I went to Elgin Academy.
O.L.: Oh did you? I taught at Elgin Academy.
Paul: Really? Well, I went there about 15 years ago. What did you teach?
O.L.: A little bit of everything.
Paul: Really?
Daughter-in-law interrupts: No, you didn't teach at Elgin Academy. You worked at the Hydro Board.
Paul to O.L., trying to keep a straight face: Oh, did you like working at the Hydro Board.
O.L.: Yes, I did.
Friday, September 09, 2005
Long lost roommates
Is roommates one word? Because it looks odd. Maybe I'll throw in an ise and then I'll feel better. Because those Brits don't like our z. But the joke's on them. Because the ize is actually more correct in the sense that it's older. And we all know older is better.
Anyway, if you're a real fan of this blog that means you read the comments, so you'll know that my roommate from Freshman year in college has gotten in touch. When I knew her she was Tara Elkins, from McMinville, Oregon. Kind, smart and outgoing. Boy was she outgoing. I remember riding the elevator up to the 7th floor where our dorm room was, and by the 5th, Tara had met seven people. So, she's switched identities and now is Mrs. Tara Darrow, and she does PR for the pilots of the world, or some such thing. And I googled her and found out she's damn good at her job because she won some award. But I could have told you that anyway, because she's meticulous, and organised, and fun.
Tara and her brother and sister have started an organisation called Answer to Cancer in memory of their brother Adrian who died of liver cancer. So if you feel like donating money to a worthy cause, I nominate this one.
Anyway, if you're a real fan of this blog that means you read the comments, so you'll know that my roommate from Freshman year in college has gotten in touch. When I knew her she was Tara Elkins, from McMinville, Oregon. Kind, smart and outgoing. Boy was she outgoing. I remember riding the elevator up to the 7th floor where our dorm room was, and by the 5th, Tara had met seven people. So, she's switched identities and now is Mrs. Tara Darrow, and she does PR for the pilots of the world, or some such thing. And I googled her and found out she's damn good at her job because she won some award. But I could have told you that anyway, because she's meticulous, and organised, and fun.
Tara and her brother and sister have started an organisation called Answer to Cancer in memory of their brother Adrian who died of liver cancer. So if you feel like donating money to a worthy cause, I nominate this one.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Breakin'
The other evening I remembered that my sister's 7th grade "boyfriend", Pat, broke his leg bike riding, which put the kabash on his break dancin'.
Elusiveness
Conversation overheard at the bank yesterday:
uncharacteristically friendly bank Teller: "Ok, here are your euros."
uncharacteristically (even for Britain) unfriendly Customer: "Thank you."
Teller: "Are you going on holiday?"
Customer: "Yes."
Teller: "Oh, great. Where are you going?"
Customer: "Europe."
uncharacteristically friendly bank Teller: "Ok, here are your euros."
uncharacteristically (even for Britain) unfriendly Customer: "Thank you."
Teller: "Are you going on holiday?"
Customer: "Yes."
Teller: "Oh, great. Where are you going?"
Customer: "Europe."
Friday, September 02, 2005
Our Little Capitalist Piglet
Paul and I are raising Ted (the Polish flatmate) to be a capitalist pig. Not that the Poles aren't capitalists, but they're just not the capitalist pigs they could be. Now, I know some political correspondent - there must be one among my thousands of readers - will comment on the distinction between capitalism and consumerism, so I won't bother. I'll just change my mind now. Paul and I are raising Ted to be a consumer. A piggish one. When he first arrived in our home, he was happy with very little. Then he discovered catalogues. He's bought jeans and shoes and t-shirts and a really fancy camera-phone, and a stereo thats REALLY LOUD and he his currently shopping around for sunglasses and a baseball cap.
So today, as I had the day off, I decided to take Ted to ASDA. It's a subsidiary of Wal-Mart. Need I say more. He loved it. I took him 20 minutes to get past the first aisle. Now the nearest ASDA is two buses and about 25 minutes away. But that will not deter Ted.
Ted: "ASDA very good."
A-L: "I knew you would like it," she cackled.
Ted: "I no know what ASDA is. What is this ASDA? You no say it very big store. I only bring £10. You say we going to big store I bring more money."
A-L: "Oh, I wanted it to be a surprise."
Ted: "OK. It's ok, now I know bus number 44 and 4 come to ASDA."
Uh oh.
And I saw something verrrrrrrrrry suspicious today at ASDA. Jeans for £3. (Which is $5.50.) Hmmmm. Where are these being made? Hmmmmmm. Good thing we have another convert.
So today, as I had the day off, I decided to take Ted to ASDA. It's a subsidiary of Wal-Mart. Need I say more. He loved it. I took him 20 minutes to get past the first aisle. Now the nearest ASDA is two buses and about 25 minutes away. But that will not deter Ted.
Ted: "ASDA very good."
A-L: "I knew you would like it," she cackled.
Ted: "I no know what ASDA is. What is this ASDA? You no say it very big store. I only bring £10. You say we going to big store I bring more money."
A-L: "Oh, I wanted it to be a surprise."
Ted: "OK. It's ok, now I know bus number 44 and 4 come to ASDA."
Uh oh.
And I saw something verrrrrrrrrry suspicious today at ASDA. Jeans for £3. (Which is $5.50.) Hmmmm. Where are these being made? Hmmmmmm. Good thing we have another convert.
Happy Lutheranism
Look at our new little Lutheran, who was baptised last Sunday. And in my baptism dress. And the best part about being the "second" baby is that the story everyone will remember from your babtism is that the pastor said "shut up Jesus" in the sermon, several times. Bless.
Monday, August 29, 2005
A Southern Polish Twang
Evenings at Perth Street are filled with English lessons and elocution lessons and conversational English classes. And along the way, Ted has picked up a bit of an American accent, I'm proud to say. You should hear him say 'thanks'.
Although it has been quite a challenge teaching him the 'th' sound. Apparently it doesn't live in Poland.
And then I spoke to my sister who gave me a run-down on the baptism weekend extravaganza featuring family and friends. Apparently during the baptism service, the Pastor gave a sermon that featured the phrase "shut up Jesus". My sister said Aila's eyes got huge and she turned to my sister and said, "unkind words." Maria says she has a feeling that when she picks Aila up from daycare today, there will be a report of the phrase "shut up Jesus" having been slipped into casual daycare conversation.
Although it has been quite a challenge teaching him the 'th' sound. Apparently it doesn't live in Poland.
And then I spoke to my sister who gave me a run-down on the baptism weekend extravaganza featuring family and friends. Apparently during the baptism service, the Pastor gave a sermon that featured the phrase "shut up Jesus". My sister said Aila's eyes got huge and she turned to my sister and said, "unkind words." Maria says she has a feeling that when she picks Aila up from daycare today, there will be a report of the phrase "shut up Jesus" having been slipped into casual daycare conversation.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Homesickness
Yesterday I spoke to the family who are gathered at my sister's house for the baptism of Annais. I spoke to my uncle and aunt, and cousin-in-law Gary and cousin Tina and cousin's daughter Holly and my sister and my mom and my dad. All in 25 minutes. And this is what they told me:
"It's too hot here." Kalevi (uncle)
"Aila says 'mine'." Ritva (aunt)
"How is your English?" Cousin-in-law Gary (master grammarian / expert board-game-player)
"I slept on an air mattress in Aila's room." Holly (age 8)
"Yesterday we went to go get two Honeybaked hams." Irma (age 65)
"I miss you." Super-kind cousin Tina
"Do you want to come home to go to Aunt Winona's 90th birthday party?" Peter (65,000,000 frequent flier miles, and counting / the-man-who-thinks-its-reasonable-to-fly-someone-from-Scotland-to-attend-a-champagne-brunch-in-Northern-California)
"Tomorrow the Finns and the Mexicans will be here." Maria (mother of two nordic aztecs)
So talking to them made me homesick. So today I'm listening to Willy Nelson. And dammit, I feel better.
"It's too hot here." Kalevi (uncle)
"Aila says 'mine'." Ritva (aunt)
"How is your English?" Cousin-in-law Gary (master grammarian / expert board-game-player)
"I slept on an air mattress in Aila's room." Holly (age 8)
"Yesterday we went to go get two Honeybaked hams." Irma (age 65)
"I miss you." Super-kind cousin Tina
"Do you want to come home to go to Aunt Winona's 90th birthday party?" Peter (65,000,000 frequent flier miles, and counting / the-man-who-thinks-its-reasonable-to-fly-someone-from-Scotland-to-attend-a-champagne-brunch-in-Northern-California)
"Tomorrow the Finns and the Mexicans will be here." Maria (mother of two nordic aztecs)
So talking to them made me homesick. So today I'm listening to Willy Nelson. And dammit, I feel better.
English Society
Ted's English has come on in leaps and bounds since his accident, as he's been off work and has been surrounded by English speakers all day. We have had a whole lotta guests lately at 12 Perth Street, so Ted has had mucho English practice. Irish-Belgian Gemma was here, and then Norette and Robbie and Dougie were in town from Dingwall, followed by Callum this past Friday, and Paul G. from Elgin last night. Maybe I should turn this into a society page, where I can track the goings-on of the up-and-coming. Although I wouldn't want to be friends with people who market themselves as 'up-and-coming.'
So imagine that right here is a photo of Gemma arriving in Edinburgh, with a caption about EU correspondents, or erstwhile publishing students, or some such nonesense.
And here is a photo of Norette and Robbie and Dougie, sipping wine at our flat with a caption about Robbie's success in the music industry, and a plug for his gig.
And then Callum would need no caption, because EVERYBODY knows who he is.
And then Paul Gibson could be featured standing at a jaunty angle next to his beautiful photographs.
And that's the latest from Edinburgh.
So imagine that right here is a photo of Gemma arriving in Edinburgh, with a caption about EU correspondents, or erstwhile publishing students, or some such nonesense.
And here is a photo of Norette and Robbie and Dougie, sipping wine at our flat with a caption about Robbie's success in the music industry, and a plug for his gig.
And then Callum would need no caption, because EVERYBODY knows who he is.
And then Paul Gibson could be featured standing at a jaunty angle next to his beautiful photographs.
And that's the latest from Edinburgh.
Friday, August 26, 2005
Gray/Grey
I'm going grey. And by 'grey' I mean I have one grey hair that has reared its ugly folicle. It's curly. And by 'grey', I actually mean 'white'. My dad went 'grey and bald at 19', so things could be worse for me.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Le Update
Site neglected due to the fact that I am at the computer all day at work and then when I get home I really don't want to sit down at the computer, even if it is to type super funny stuff to keep my readers and fans happy.
But I will try.
Quote for the day:
"I talk to myself and I always agree with me."
Who said it?
A. My dad (Pete Sandstrum)
B. A geek who was giving us a software demo
C. Me
Hint: If you guessed A or C you are incorrect.
But I will try.
Quote for the day:
"I talk to myself and I always agree with me."
Who said it?
A. My dad (Pete Sandstrum)
B. A geek who was giving us a software demo
C. Me
Hint: If you guessed A or C you are incorrect.
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
A Mother's Love
8:42 this morning, telephone rings.
A-L: "hello"
Mrs Rollo: "Oh, good morning, this is Ruth, Paul's mother, how are you?"
A-L: "I am well, thank you. You'll never believe it, but Paul is up! Would you like to speak to him?"
Mrs R: "Oh good. He's up then. What time is his exam?" (Criminal Law exam)
A-L: "I believe it's at 9:30. Would you like to speak to him?"
Mrs R: "No, no, I just phoned to say 'Good Luck'."
A-L: "Oh, that's sweet. I'll pass on the message."
-----
In the kitchen:
A-L: "Your mother is so sweet, she phoned just to say good luck on your exam."
Paul: "No she didn't, she phoned to make sure I was awake."
A-L: "Did you ask her to?"
Paul: "No, in fact, she was asked NOT to phone."
A-L: "hello"
Mrs Rollo: "Oh, good morning, this is Ruth, Paul's mother, how are you?"
A-L: "I am well, thank you. You'll never believe it, but Paul is up! Would you like to speak to him?"
Mrs R: "Oh good. He's up then. What time is his exam?" (Criminal Law exam)
A-L: "I believe it's at 9:30. Would you like to speak to him?"
Mrs R: "No, no, I just phoned to say 'Good Luck'."
A-L: "Oh, that's sweet. I'll pass on the message."
-----
In the kitchen:
A-L: "Your mother is so sweet, she phoned just to say good luck on your exam."
Paul: "No she didn't, she phoned to make sure I was awake."
A-L: "Did you ask her to?"
Paul: "No, in fact, she was asked NOT to phone."
Monday, August 15, 2005
Quotable
"Well, you didn't tell me it was a tabby!"
Gemma (friend from Brussels), upon seeing the kitten that will be staying with us for 5 weeks
"You have to eat it with a knife and fork."
The lady at the cafe in answer to my question about what some vegetable covered bread thing was.
Gemma (friend from Brussels), upon seeing the kitten that will be staying with us for 5 weeks
"You have to eat it with a knife and fork."
The lady at the cafe in answer to my question about what some vegetable covered bread thing was.
Missing Pole
So much to report.
The headline of course is that last week our Pole (Ted) didn't come home for two nights in a row. One night, not so odd. Two nights, very odd. So on Thursday morning I phoned his work to make sure he had been showing up. Here's how the conversation went:
9:45 a.m.
Erika: "Hello Zizzi, Erika speaking, how can I help you?"
A-L: "Hi. I have kind of an odd question. My 30-year-old flatmate, Ted, hasn't been home in two days and I just wanted to make sure he's been at work. Because his mother is in Poland, so I'm pretending to be his mother."
Erika: "Oh, actually, he fell at work two days ago and he's in the hospital. Is there anything else I can help you with? Do you want to know our lunch special?"
A-L: "umm, what? He fell? He's in the hospital? Does his wife know? Is he badly hurt? Is he ok? What hospital is he in?"
Erika: "I don't know. Sorry, that's all the information I have. Our special is spinach and chicken pizza. Would you like to book a table?"
A-L: "You don't know what hospital he's in?? Who does know? Where can I find out??"
Erika: "One of the Polish chefs might know. Can you call back at 10?"
A-L: "I suppose."
----------
At 10 I phoned back.
Erika: "Hello Zizzi, this is Erika speaking, how can I help you?"
A-L: "Hi, this is Ted's flatmate again. Do you have any more information?"
Erika: "Yes, apparently he had an operation yesterday."
A-L: "Where? What operation?"
Erika: "I'm sorry, that's all the information I have. We have lovely views from our restaurant of the water."
A-L: "WELL WHO DOES KNOW WHAT HOSPITAL HE'S IN? CAN I HAVE THE NUMBER TO YOUR HEAD OFFICE?"
Erika: "I'll speak to our operations manager and phone you back."
Turns out Ted fell down the staircase at Zizzi while carrying plates, and his arm landed on the broken crockery, which severed something blood-filled in his arm. So he had an operation on Wednesday, and didn't come home because he couldn't remember our phone number, and it was too far to walk. Bless.
He's home now, recovering. And doing well. In fact, he went to the hospital this morning to have the stitches removed.
The headline of course is that last week our Pole (Ted) didn't come home for two nights in a row. One night, not so odd. Two nights, very odd. So on Thursday morning I phoned his work to make sure he had been showing up. Here's how the conversation went:
9:45 a.m.
Erika: "Hello Zizzi, Erika speaking, how can I help you?"
A-L: "Hi. I have kind of an odd question. My 30-year-old flatmate, Ted, hasn't been home in two days and I just wanted to make sure he's been at work. Because his mother is in Poland, so I'm pretending to be his mother."
Erika: "Oh, actually, he fell at work two days ago and he's in the hospital. Is there anything else I can help you with? Do you want to know our lunch special?"
A-L: "umm, what? He fell? He's in the hospital? Does his wife know? Is he badly hurt? Is he ok? What hospital is he in?"
Erika: "I don't know. Sorry, that's all the information I have. Our special is spinach and chicken pizza. Would you like to book a table?"
A-L: "You don't know what hospital he's in?? Who does know? Where can I find out??"
Erika: "One of the Polish chefs might know. Can you call back at 10?"
A-L: "I suppose."
----------
At 10 I phoned back.
Erika: "Hello Zizzi, this is Erika speaking, how can I help you?"
A-L: "Hi, this is Ted's flatmate again. Do you have any more information?"
Erika: "Yes, apparently he had an operation yesterday."
A-L: "Where? What operation?"
Erika: "I'm sorry, that's all the information I have. We have lovely views from our restaurant of the water."
A-L: "WELL WHO DOES KNOW WHAT HOSPITAL HE'S IN? CAN I HAVE THE NUMBER TO YOUR HEAD OFFICE?"
Erika: "I'll speak to our operations manager and phone you back."
Turns out Ted fell down the staircase at Zizzi while carrying plates, and his arm landed on the broken crockery, which severed something blood-filled in his arm. So he had an operation on Wednesday, and didn't come home because he couldn't remember our phone number, and it was too far to walk. Bless.
He's home now, recovering. And doing well. In fact, he went to the hospital this morning to have the stitches removed.
Monday, August 08, 2005
Overheard
Last week someone at work described a book as being covered in (or with) "the patina of academia." I wrote it down. And I just Googled that phrase, and got 61 hits. For heaven's sake, who are these rhetoricians? (Incidentally, "rhetoricians" when Googled returns 62,200 hits.)
Edinburgh Festival Explained
Yes, as you may know, Edinburgh is sometimes called the Festival City. Why, you ask, well because this city plays host to:
The Edinburgh Jazz and Blues Festival
The Edinburgh International Festival
The Fringe Festival
The Edinburgh International Book Festival
and the
The Edinburgh International Film Festival
. . . all during the month of August. So why aren't you in Edinburgh, Judy??
The Edinburgh Jazz and Blues Festival
The Edinburgh International Festival
The Fringe Festival
The Edinburgh International Book Festival
and the
The Edinburgh International Film Festival
. . . all during the month of August. So why aren't you in Edinburgh, Judy??
Friday, August 05, 2005
Update
1. Last week I went to London and back in one day for a meeting and made it back safely.
2. The boyfriend and I are kitten sitting for seven weeks while the cat's mother and father are in China. Stuart is definitely in love. With the kitten.
3. Edinburgh Festival has begun. The best place to enjoy the Edinburgh Festival is in Edinburgh.
4. Niece Aila has added the word "never" to her vocabulary, and is reported to have responded to Grandpa's request for her to get a book for him to read to her with, "no, never."
5. Maria has promised that every time her girls say "I'm bored", she'll tell them "go sweep the patio."
6. No, never.
7. Irish-Belgian-erstwhile-publishing-student-current-EU-affairs-reporter Gemma will arrive in Edinburgh next Friday, I believe, for Festival fun and excitement.
8. Norette to follow.
9. Norette.
10. Why haven't you visited Edinburgh? Book tickets now to avoid disappointment.
2. The boyfriend and I are kitten sitting for seven weeks while the cat's mother and father are in China. Stuart is definitely in love. With the kitten.
3. Edinburgh Festival has begun. The best place to enjoy the Edinburgh Festival is in Edinburgh.
4. Niece Aila has added the word "never" to her vocabulary, and is reported to have responded to Grandpa's request for her to get a book for him to read to her with, "no, never."
5. Maria has promised that every time her girls say "I'm bored", she'll tell them "go sweep the patio."
6. No, never.
7. Irish-Belgian-erstwhile-publishing-student-current-EU-affairs-reporter Gemma will arrive in Edinburgh next Friday, I believe, for Festival fun and excitement.
8. Norette to follow.
9. Norette.
10. Why haven't you visited Edinburgh? Book tickets now to avoid disappointment.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Letter from Paul, to the Corinthians, I mean Edinburgians
An excerpt from the e-mail I received from flatmate Paul today:
hey A-L
i had very peculiar dreams last night including one in which you got electrocuted (but were ultimately OK you'll be glad to know) and another in which Stu sent me an email saying we couldn't be friends anymore.
hey A-L
i had very peculiar dreams last night including one in which you got electrocuted (but were ultimately OK you'll be glad to know) and another in which Stu sent me an email saying we couldn't be friends anymore.
Busyness
Dear Readers, Fans, and Friends,
I have been tres busy as of late and have much neglected this site. But your outpouring of support has inspired me to post this update:
I am busy.
The end.
More later.
I have been tres busy as of late and have much neglected this site. But your outpouring of support has inspired me to post this update:
I am busy.
The end.
More later.
Monday, July 25, 2005
File Systems
If you were filing something for Ice-T, the rap musician, would you file it under "T, Ice" or "Ice T"?
Today I saw him filed as "T, Ice".
Today I saw him filed as "T, Ice".
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Censor
My mom's sister, Ritva, reads this blog, which totally affects the content posted on this site. For example, I have a friend, Paul, who lives in Portland and is hilarious, but I can't post links to his two blogs on here because his blogs are blasphemous, and I wouldn't want Ritva tati, who is also my sister's godmother, to know that I associate with someone who calls himself the Mormon Pope, and has a web site dedicated to tasteless cartoons. And I also can't mention that my sister, who baptized the *first* baby Catholic, and is baptizing the *second* baby Lutheran, jokingly promised the Mormon Pope that if she has a *third* baby, she will baptize it Mormon, in his honor.
Whistle-Stop Tour
So Paul was in town last night for, like, a couple hours. He drove down from Elgin to pick up Gerry and Judy at the airport, Prestwick Airport, the airport of false economy.
Anna-Lisa: "You know, flights into Prestwick are alwaaaaaaaaays cheaper."
Paul: "Yes."
Anna-Lisa: "You know why?"
Paul: "Because they're into Prestwick."
Anna-Lisa: "Where's Prestwick?"
Paul: "Exactly. That's the point."
Anna-Lisa: "Indeed, false economy."
Paul: "And Judy said I promised to pick them up at the airport. Although I don't remember saying that."
Anna-Lisa: "Where are they flying in from?"
Paul: "Rome. They were at the wedding of Gerry's friend."
Anna-Lisa: "Is he Romanian?"
Paul: "Yes."
Anna-Lisa: "You know, flights into Prestwick are alwaaaaaaaaays cheaper."
Paul: "Yes."
Anna-Lisa: "You know why?"
Paul: "Because they're into Prestwick."
Anna-Lisa: "Where's Prestwick?"
Paul: "Exactly. That's the point."
Anna-Lisa: "Indeed, false economy."
Paul: "And Judy said I promised to pick them up at the airport. Although I don't remember saying that."
Anna-Lisa: "Where are they flying in from?"
Paul: "Rome. They were at the wedding of Gerry's friend."
Anna-Lisa: "Is he Romanian?"
Paul: "Yes."
Monday, July 18, 2005
Edinburgh Update
Dear Paul,
As per your e-mail of some hours ago, I shall indeed give you an update of all things recent in Edinburgh.
Last week, as you may have heard, there was a bomb scare on the number 12 bus, and Princes Street was shut down. It was Thursday, so all the shoppers had their Thursday-evening shopping interrupted. Stu, Stu, Katie and I whiled away the evening hours in a pub. We felt safe. We were underground and in a bunker-like compartment. Eva Braun was there. Just kidding.
Ted, our Pole, ate your ice cream and thought it was mine so he bought me a replacement ice cream, which is really yours, which I have been eating.
On Saturday Stu and I took the Pole for a walk. We visited the swan pond, and then headed for the Royal Botanic Gardens, again, and then Ted said, "I feel 20."
Work is going very well. I live in a room at work with 5 others, and they are kind and good.
The frickin' Lothian Bus drivers decided to strike today, which left many, many morning commuters mourning the fact that they had forsaken the last First Bus that passed, including me. I was never so happy to see a First Bus.
And no Edinburgh report would be complete without wondering where the heck that Martin Little has gone? Where are you, Martin Little?
I am expecting an update on Elgin.
As per your e-mail of some hours ago, I shall indeed give you an update of all things recent in Edinburgh.
Last week, as you may have heard, there was a bomb scare on the number 12 bus, and Princes Street was shut down. It was Thursday, so all the shoppers had their Thursday-evening shopping interrupted. Stu, Stu, Katie and I whiled away the evening hours in a pub. We felt safe. We were underground and in a bunker-like compartment. Eva Braun was there. Just kidding.
Ted, our Pole, ate your ice cream and thought it was mine so he bought me a replacement ice cream, which is really yours, which I have been eating.
On Saturday Stu and I took the Pole for a walk. We visited the swan pond, and then headed for the Royal Botanic Gardens, again, and then Ted said, "I feel 20."
Work is going very well. I live in a room at work with 5 others, and they are kind and good.
The frickin' Lothian Bus drivers decided to strike today, which left many, many morning commuters mourning the fact that they had forsaken the last First Bus that passed, including me. I was never so happy to see a First Bus.
And no Edinburgh report would be complete without wondering where the heck that Martin Little has gone? Where are you, Martin Little?
I am expecting an update on Elgin.
Sunday, July 17, 2005
My Neighbor, Sort of
So John Knox apparently lives across the street from where I work. Well, lived, I suppose, but I'm not one for splitting hares. The John Knox House is literally, a stone's throw away. But I'm not about to go throwing anything at the home of the "Scotch Protestant leader", being a Protestant myself. And I often get a hearty chuckle out of folks when I pronounce it as "protest"ant, as it should be. Why is that funny? That's what we are (the Protestant "we", not the royal "we".) Which brings me to Princess Anne's horrible grammar. Excuse me, I mean "the Princess Royal's" atrocious grammar. She was on the telly last week congratulating the city of London on being awarded the 2012 Olympic Games, and she said something to this effect: "the team have worked hard for this", or something like that. Basically, the Princess used the word "team" in concert with a plural verb. Actually, I think she said "the team are." I flipped! So my dear flatmate, Paul, who I haven't seen since that very evening, was appalled that I, a peasant from the colonies, dare to question the grammar one of the Royals. I was so astounded I almost called my sister right then and there, and risk waking up two under two, just so that Maria could calmly explain that "team" is singular. Unfortunately I don't have Princess Anne's mobile number, so having grammar-Maria "on the horn" would not have done much good. So I decided to do the diplomatic thing and say that is must just be a difference between British and American English, and headed to bed, to pray that Mrs. Bettencourt, my high school English teacher, will know that I am forever grateful that she taught this peasant from the colonies that team ain't no plural word. And then I cried myself to sleep. And the next day, one of the very talented editors at work confirmed the singularity of the word "team", and I rejoiced that all of the money my parents spent on my Catholic education was not in vain. Oh, back to the Protestants, my sister had her *first* baby baptized Catholic, and the *second* baby is going to be a Lutheran, a "Protest"ant. I can't wait til the little one is nailing theses on the older one's door. Now that would make a fabulous interdenominational Christmas card.
The Sequel
So when we were at the wedding in Ireland, Stuart's granda casually mentioned that the week before he had been to four funerals, which led to talk of a sequel to that silly movie with Hugh Grant, but maybe one aimed at the "silver" generation: Four Funerals and A Wedding.
Saturday, July 16, 2005
Chicken Portraiture
My friend John takes a mean chicken portrait. Non? Above are Scout and Scratch, his chicken-son and chicken-daughter. (You might recognise them from his blog: My Life With Chickens. (Note: not MY life, but HIS life, but "His Life With Chickens" was taken.)
Forget law school, and the summer work at the Attorney General's office, you have a future in farm animal portraiture. A big future. Attorney General, Shmattorney General.
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Book of Scottish Poems
Every Scottish, and Scots language-loving, person should own this funny book of poems: Blethertoun Braes.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Sorrento Cheese Italian Festival of Buffalo
I think I know where my friend Craig B. will be July 14 - 17 . . . am I right, or am I a Buffalo Italian??
Texans in Edinburgh
This morning there were Texans on the bus. The first one to board was a man, who asked the bus driver - in a voice 16 times louder than anyone over here as EVER spoken - for a "DAY PASS." It's called a Day Saver. Duh.
So these two 60ish couples sat behind me, and talked of pressed ham and cheese sandwiches. Why "pressed" ham? Because the guy almost leaned back in his backpack against the sandwiches.
So I turned to the lady behind me and asked where they were from.
"Texas, in the United States."
And her husband had the most fantastic Texas drawl, and he spoke without moving his mouth.
Where in Texas?
"Deep in the heart of Texas. Brownwood."
"Too close to George Bush," added his wife.
And then the man said that their plan for the day was, "to get on the train and get off somewhere."
And then Stuart gave them the name of a town they MUST visit. And we exited, leaving the Texans, and a bus full of stunned Edinburghers who COULD NOT believe that people were actually talking to each other, out loud. And without moving their mouths.
So these two 60ish couples sat behind me, and talked of pressed ham and cheese sandwiches. Why "pressed" ham? Because the guy almost leaned back in his backpack against the sandwiches.
So I turned to the lady behind me and asked where they were from.
"Texas, in the United States."
And her husband had the most fantastic Texas drawl, and he spoke without moving his mouth.
Where in Texas?
"Deep in the heart of Texas. Brownwood."
"Too close to George Bush," added his wife.
And then the man said that their plan for the day was, "to get on the train and get off somewhere."
And then Stuart gave them the name of a town they MUST visit. And we exited, leaving the Texans, and a bus full of stunned Edinburghers who COULD NOT believe that people were actually talking to each other, out loud. And without moving their mouths.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
My Sister On Artificial Sweeteners
Maria: "Have you heard of that new fake sweetener, Splenda?"
Anna-Lisa: "Yeah, I have. Fake sugar is gross."
Maria: "Sooo gross. I had a piece of cake made with Splenda, and it totally tasted weird."
Anna-Lisa: "Gross."
Maria: "Yeah, after I ate the cake I had a really weird taste in my mouth, and then I burped and it tasted like chlorine."
Anna-Lisa: "Totally gross."
Maria: "Totally. So I asked Tina (cousin Tina who is also a Registered Dietician) what Splenda is. And she said that they (read: the evil scientists of the world) took a sugar molecule and removed something and added three chlorine atoms."
Anna-Lisa: "Gross."
Maria: "Totally gross."
Turns out Cousin Tina was right: read more. Gross.
Anna-Lisa: "Yeah, I have. Fake sugar is gross."
Maria: "Sooo gross. I had a piece of cake made with Splenda, and it totally tasted weird."
Anna-Lisa: "Gross."
Maria: "Yeah, after I ate the cake I had a really weird taste in my mouth, and then I burped and it tasted like chlorine."
Anna-Lisa: "Totally gross."
Maria: "Totally. So I asked Tina (cousin Tina who is also a Registered Dietician) what Splenda is. And she said that they (read: the evil scientists of the world) took a sugar molecule and removed something and added three chlorine atoms."
Anna-Lisa: "Gross."
Maria: "Totally gross."
Turns out Cousin Tina was right: read more. Gross.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Dora and Aila
It's been more than 3 days since I posted photos of Aila, so here she is. And her little friend Dora the Explorer with her monkey companion Boots.
My Sister on World Politics
Maria: "Have you been to Estonia?"
A-L: "No, have you?"
Maria: "Yes, it's beautiful. It looks like Finland except f***** up by the Russians."
There you have it folks, my sister on communism.
A-L: "No, have you?"
Maria: "Yes, it's beautiful. It looks like Finland except f***** up by the Russians."
There you have it folks, my sister on communism.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Anna-Lisas of the World
Believe it or not, there are other Anna-Lisas. It takes a while to comprehend. There are people trading on my good name.
Shall we meet them?
There's a lady in Sweden who calls herself by my name. She sounds boring. And another one posing as me, although not very convincingly, in Syndney. And a really fun looking Anna-Lisa, also in Sweden.
Well, now that you've met all of us, the tour is over.
Shall we meet them?
There's a lady in Sweden who calls herself by my name. She sounds boring. And another one posing as me, although not very convincingly, in Syndney. And a really fun looking Anna-Lisa, also in Sweden.
Well, now that you've met all of us, the tour is over.
The Pauls' Holidays
So one Paul went to Brussels, and the other Paul reported this from a recent holiday adventure:
And beyond that, the Godhead IIskimmed the outer borders of the Scientology System, a bright and horrible place with gravity which targets money and sucks it down its white-toothed maw, where it's channeled into the heart of Hubbard VII, a crimson gas giant, alive with operating thetans who use the money to purchase materiel [sic] for the long-waged Psychiatry Wars.
Thanks for those reports, Pauls.
Thanks for those reports, Pauls.
Friday, July 08, 2005
Good Food
There's an "inter-denominational" church across the street from my new place of employment that runs a cafe. Not a soup kitchen, although they do serve soup. Today I had a salami, pesto, sun dried tomato sandwich and dutch apple cake. More breaking news later.
Spike Lee
Spike Lee's telephone number is in my Microsoft Outlook contacts file at my new job. Haven't had reason to phone him, yet. And if I ever do, I can't tell you about it because that's confidential information. So mind your own business.
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Funny Things That Happened in Ireland (cont.)
4. When the 9-year-old boy whose parents run Barnabrow Country House, where we stayed told us: "I get free drinks."
Oh the perks.
Oh the perks.
Funny Things That Happened in Ireland
3. Catherine (the bride) made envelopes for all the people she had to pay at the wedding (the band, the church, the singer) and there was one that said "Piper". Yes, you must pay him.
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