Quiz

Here's what I learned when I was apartment hunting in San Francisco:

1. (Two cats) x (casual/non-existent housekeeping) + (super nice owners) = (pervasive cat pee odor)
Please note that the addition of (super nice owners) does not negate cat pee smell, no matter where in the equation it sits. This equation can also result in (more cats), which means you can square (pervasive cat pee odor).

2. (A stovetop wrapped in tin foil) + (doormats outside each of the bedrooms) x (nervous apartment owner) = (perpetually feeling like you're 11 years old and about to spill hot chocolate on mean grandma's white sofa)
You can substitute (grandma) with the following for the same result: (relative, neighbor, or piano teacher); and (hot chocolate) can be substituted with: (red wine, coffee or molasses).

10 Points Extra Credit
3. Including the following information in an ad for a sublet: (I am a thirty-one year old woman originally from NYC. I am a professional chef and freelance writer who moved to the Bay Area from a farm-based restaurant I ran in Georgia to cook at Chez Panisse, where I spent a year and a half. I currently work from home, writing full-time about food and culture, but spend many nights and weekends at my boyfriend's house in the Mission. The rest of the time I do yoga, cook, read, and work on sustainable food projects with Slow Food Berkeley.) =

A. (General confusion about why work experience at Chez Panisse is included.)
B. (Am I going to be tested on your hobbies?)
C. (Is it relevant that your boyfriend lives in the Mission?)
D. (Other answer, listed in comments.)