A-L: Peter, would you mind using the voucher I have to book me a flight from LA to Portland?
Peter: No problem. When do you want to fly?
A-L: Friday morning, returning Monday morning.
Later...
Peter: I got your flights booked. You leave Oxnard at 5:30am on Friday.
A-L: Umm, isn't that technically still Thursday night?
Irma: Oh, it's fine. I take your father to the airport all the time for that early flight.
A-L: Is he in his pajamas? Do you dress him while he's asleep in his car seat?
Irma: I can put your coffee in a bottle.
Peter: Your flight lands in Portland at 9:00am.
A-L: Is the Portland airport open that early? Will this give me jet lag?
Later...
Irma: What time do you want your father to wake you up tomorrow morning?
A-L: I'm 32. I might be able to set an alarm for myself, but if a wake-up call is included in the package deal, have Peter wake me at 4:30.
Peter: 4:30? We need to be leaving at 4:30.
A-L: Don't start this again.
Peter: How long does it take you to get ready?
A-L: At that time of night, about 17 minutes.
Peter: I'll wake you at 4:00.
A-L: Or you could wake me at 17 minutes before 4:30, whatever time that is.
Later, in the car on the way to the airport, somehow the topic of conversation drifted to the Vietnam War...and this is all I remember
Peter: LBJ micro-managed the Vietnam War.
There you have it.
Monday, June 25, 2007
Trump Card
My sister overheard Aila and Annais playing dolls. This is what went down:
Aila's Doll: Ok, I'm Mom AND Gloria. (Gloria is their babysitter.)
Annais's Doll: Ok, I'm Daddy.
Game over.
Aila's Doll: Ok, I'm Mom AND Gloria. (Gloria is their babysitter.)
Annais's Doll: Ok, I'm Daddy.
Game over.
Monday, May 14, 2007
E-mail from Maria
Subject line: Conversation in the car last night
Aila: "Mommy, what is the name of the little monkey that hangs on the giraffe?"
Mommy (aka Maria): "I don't know baby, what is it called?"
Aila: "It has a really long tail and it's really small."
Mommy: "I'm sorry Aila, I don't know its name."
Aila: (matter-of-factly) "Oh, its the Pygmy Marmoset."
Mommy & Daddy, beaming with pride, burst out laughing because neither of us knows what that is!!!
I Googled it this morning to find out that it is indeed very small (the smallest primate) and it does have a very long tail.
Mommy & Daddy talking with each other...
Aila: "Mommy, what is the name of the little monkey that hangs on the giraffe?"
Mommy (aka Maria): "I don't know baby, what is it called?"
Aila: "It has a really long tail and it's really small."
Mommy: "I'm sorry Aila, I don't know its name."
Aila: (matter-of-factly) "Oh, its the Pygmy Marmoset."
Mommy & Daddy, beaming with pride, burst out laughing because neither of us knows what that is!!!
I Googled it this morning to find out that it is indeed very small (the smallest primate) and it does have a very long tail.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Saturday, February 03, 2007
Arts & Krauts
A-L: Hi Aila, what are you doing?
Aila: Arts and krauts. I'm colouring.
Maria: Whenever she says 'arts and krauts' I picture a bunch of German soldiers wearing those Kaiser Wilhelm hats, sitting around a table colouring.
Aila: Arts and krauts. I'm colouring.
Maria: Whenever she says 'arts and krauts' I picture a bunch of German soldiers wearing those Kaiser Wilhelm hats, sitting around a table colouring.
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Story Time (with Aila)
I was reading a book to Annais, and Aila was playing nearby.
A-L, pointing to a bird/parrot in the book: What's this, Annais?
Annais: Bird.
A-L: Very good. It's a bird. It's called a parrot.
Annais: Parrot.
This is what really happened:
A-L: What's this, Annais?
Radio silence from Annais.
A-L: What is it Annais? Is it a bird?
Aila: Oh, that's a scarlet macaw. It's one of my favourite birds.
Radio silence from Anna-Lisa.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Confrontation
A-L: I have a question. Actually my friend Caroline wants me to ask you something.Ted: What?
A-L: Are you really David Coverdale, of Whitesnake fame?
Ted: Yeah, that's actually why Paul moved out. He hates Whitesnake.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Moveable Airports
4 days ago...
Pete: I see you've booked yourself another round of rookie flights back to Edinburgh.
A-L: No, it's fine. I have a friend in Cincinnati who might come see me at the airport, and I'm hoping to meet Dawn in Paris for a coffee before my flight to Edinburgh.
Pete: I hope your 'friend' in Cincinnati likes Kentucky, because that's where the airport is.
A-L: Shirley, you jest.
Pete: The Cincinnati airport is in Northern Kentucky. Look it up. But it's just across the river.
A-L: What river? So where was WKRP?
Pete: And I don't think it's a good idea to leave the airport in Paris. It'll take you longer than you think to get into town, and you'll have a heckuva time going back through security.
A-L: It's amazing that I survive alone in Scotland.
Pete: Your mother prays A LOT.
A-L: So are you taking me to the airport?
Pete: Yeah, I'm going to East Texas for work.
4:30 a.m. the morning of departure...
Irma: Your father has to repack his suitcase. He forgot it was winter in East Texas.
A-L: What season did he think it was? Does this mean I have to wait for him to execute a complete wardrobe change? Does he know Colorado just got hit by another blizzard? I heard they're airlifting food to cattle stranded in the snow. And Pete's packed linen trousers?
Pete (shouts from the other room): I'm not going to Colorado. I'm going to East Texas. Oklahoma protects it from Colorado.
At the airport...
After security, I realise I left my winter coat in the rental car that my dad was going to turn in. I make my way to the gate, then consider calling my dad's cell phone from the pay phone, and decide just to head to the lounge.
Lady at the desk, after I show my boarding pass: Your dad is looking for you. He has your coat. He's waiting downstairs for you.
So I go back to the front, and find my dad, who says someone took my coat to the gate.
A-L (sheepishly): Thanks.
So I go back through security, and to the gate, and retrieve my coat. Then back to the lounge.
Lady at the desk: Oh good, you got your coat.
A-L: Yeah, I wonder why my parents treat me like I'm 11 years old, and then I leave my coat in the rental car.
Lady at the desk: Oh, I bet your mom prays for you, a lot.
Pete: I see you've booked yourself another round of rookie flights back to Edinburgh.
A-L: No, it's fine. I have a friend in Cincinnati who might come see me at the airport, and I'm hoping to meet Dawn in Paris for a coffee before my flight to Edinburgh.
Pete: I hope your 'friend' in Cincinnati likes Kentucky, because that's where the airport is.
A-L: Shirley, you jest.
Pete: The Cincinnati airport is in Northern Kentucky. Look it up. But it's just across the river.
A-L: What river? So where was WKRP?
Pete: And I don't think it's a good idea to leave the airport in Paris. It'll take you longer than you think to get into town, and you'll have a heckuva time going back through security.
A-L: It's amazing that I survive alone in Scotland.
Pete: Your mother prays A LOT.
A-L: So are you taking me to the airport?
Pete: Yeah, I'm going to East Texas for work.
4:30 a.m. the morning of departure...
Irma: Your father has to repack his suitcase. He forgot it was winter in East Texas.
A-L: What season did he think it was? Does this mean I have to wait for him to execute a complete wardrobe change? Does he know Colorado just got hit by another blizzard? I heard they're airlifting food to cattle stranded in the snow. And Pete's packed linen trousers?
Pete (shouts from the other room): I'm not going to Colorado. I'm going to East Texas. Oklahoma protects it from Colorado.
At the airport...
After security, I realise I left my winter coat in the rental car that my dad was going to turn in. I make my way to the gate, then consider calling my dad's cell phone from the pay phone, and decide just to head to the lounge.
Lady at the desk, after I show my boarding pass: Your dad is looking for you. He has your coat. He's waiting downstairs for you.
So I go back to the front, and find my dad, who says someone took my coat to the gate.
A-L (sheepishly): Thanks.
So I go back through security, and to the gate, and retrieve my coat. Then back to the lounge.
Lady at the desk: Oh good, you got your coat.
A-L: Yeah, I wonder why my parents treat me like I'm 11 years old, and then I leave my coat in the rental car.
Lady at the desk: Oh, I bet your mom prays for you, a lot.
Just like the stigmata
There, in the mirror, between Dawn's two heads, appears Paul Auster. For his fans, it will be crystal clear that it's the man himself.
Emir
I met Emir in Cincinnati, waiting for the flight to Paris. He's 14 years old, and was travelling from Portland, Oregon with his uncle, going back home to Istanbul.
Emir and his uncle bickered like brothers. But in a kind-hearted way. Mostly about semantics.
Emir told me a joke. The punchline was "because he was looking for Pooh."
I told Emir a riddle. And after 20 seconds he asked "What would the answer be?" More arguing about semantics.
And when Emir's uncle went to charge his mobile phone, Emir left him a note saying he had gone to meet a friend in Cincinnati and wasn't travelling back to Turkey with him. I wish I'd taken that note.
"You fell for it," he told his uncle.
"No, I didn't," his uncle said.
(Replay above dialogue 10 times.)
Emir showed me all 178 photos on his phone. Most were of his dogs, and a school trip to Helsinki, for a softball tournament.
And then Emir asked me about the Napa Valley. And after a visit to the buffet, he held up a fork with a grape on the middle tine and said, "THIS is why we want to go to California."
And then Emir was concerned that the Frankfurt flight which was leaving at the same time as our flight was boarding first. He wanted to know why. And kept asking why? why? why?
So I told him it's because the Germans are very organised, and before I could say more he said, "We're German."
"Gut, dann können wir Deutsch sprechen," I replied.
"Oops, we're not German," he said.
And then he asked me what my dad does for a living. I told Emir he owns the Cincinnati airport.
No, actually, he installs and fixes medical equipment.
"With a screwdriver?"
"Yes, and nothing else."
I wish I could write about Emir more eloquently. He was so kind and smart and mischevious, and more polite than any other 14-year-old. And he made the 5-hour layover in Cincinnati fly by.
Emir and his uncle bickered like brothers. But in a kind-hearted way. Mostly about semantics.
Emir told me a joke. The punchline was "because he was looking for Pooh."
I told Emir a riddle. And after 20 seconds he asked "What would the answer be?" More arguing about semantics.
And when Emir's uncle went to charge his mobile phone, Emir left him a note saying he had gone to meet a friend in Cincinnati and wasn't travelling back to Turkey with him. I wish I'd taken that note.
"You fell for it," he told his uncle.
"No, I didn't," his uncle said.
(Replay above dialogue 10 times.)
Emir showed me all 178 photos on his phone. Most were of his dogs, and a school trip to Helsinki, for a softball tournament.
And then Emir asked me about the Napa Valley. And after a visit to the buffet, he held up a fork with a grape on the middle tine and said, "THIS is why we want to go to California."
And then Emir was concerned that the Frankfurt flight which was leaving at the same time as our flight was boarding first. He wanted to know why. And kept asking why? why? why?
So I told him it's because the Germans are very organised, and before I could say more he said, "We're German."
"Gut, dann können wir Deutsch sprechen," I replied.
"Oops, we're not German," he said.
And then he asked me what my dad does for a living. I told Emir he owns the Cincinnati airport.
No, actually, he installs and fixes medical equipment.
"With a screwdriver?"
"Yes, and nothing else."
I wish I could write about Emir more eloquently. He was so kind and smart and mischevious, and more polite than any other 14-year-old. And he made the 5-hour layover in Cincinnati fly by.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Remembrance
2 days ago...
Maria: Why is the flag at the Civic Center at half mast?
A-L: James Brown died.
Maria: Was he from Coachella?
A-L: No, but he was the godfather of soul.
24 hours later...
Maria: I just heard that Gerald Ford died, in Rancho Mirage.
A-L: Oh, wow. I wonder if they'll put the flags at half mast for him too? How do they handle that situation, when two famous people die so closely together?
Maria: Maybe they'll put the flags at quarter mast.
A-L: Do you think James Brown would be annoyed if he knew that Gerald was stealing his thunder, as it were? I read in People magazine that they were bitter rivals.
Maria: Wasn't President Ford's wife an entrepreneur?
A-L: Yeah, she ran a chain of clinics.
Maria: Jenny Craig? She's quite a bit younger than President Ford.
another 24 hours later...
Maria: If you come meet me for lunch, be sure to avoid Miles Boulevard. It's closed for the memorial service.
A-L: James Brown's?
Maria: Why is the flag at the Civic Center at half mast?
A-L: James Brown died.
Maria: Was he from Coachella?
A-L: No, but he was the godfather of soul.
24 hours later...
Maria: I just heard that Gerald Ford died, in Rancho Mirage.
A-L: Oh, wow. I wonder if they'll put the flags at half mast for him too? How do they handle that situation, when two famous people die so closely together?
Maria: Maybe they'll put the flags at quarter mast.
A-L: Do you think James Brown would be annoyed if he knew that Gerald was stealing his thunder, as it were? I read in People magazine that they were bitter rivals.
Maria: Wasn't President Ford's wife an entrepreneur?
A-L: Yeah, she ran a chain of clinics.
Maria: Jenny Craig? She's quite a bit younger than President Ford.
another 24 hours later...
Maria: If you come meet me for lunch, be sure to avoid Miles Boulevard. It's closed for the memorial service.
A-L: James Brown's?
Thursday, December 28, 2006
Overheard
I'm staying at Maria and Hector's. The following phrases have been said in the last week:
"Don't put that in your mouth. That's not a straw. It's a pinwheel."
"Annais threw up on him."
"No, that's Puppy Puppet. Put Puppy Purse next to Bibbit."
"Did I tell you that Annais threw up on me at J.C. Penney?"
"Don't put that in your mouth. That's not a straw. It's a pinwheel."
"Annais threw up on him."
"No, that's Puppy Puppet. Put Puppy Purse next to Bibbit."
"Did I tell you that Annais threw up on me at J.C. Penney?"
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Philly
Pete: I've e-mailed you the itinerary for your flight home.
A-L: Yeah, I got an e-mail from you. But you sent the wrong itinerary
Pete: I just forwarded the one I received from United.
A-L: No, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have booked the itinerary I received.
Pete: No, I've double checked, it's the right one. Irma wanted you to pick up some German Christmas decorations in Frankfurt, and a Liberty Bell magnet for Maria in Philadelphia.
A-L: Oh, so that's why I have two stops between Edinburgh and Los Angeles. I thought it was a mistake.
Pete: No, no. I figured two and a half hours in Frankfurt was enough time to shop for decorations, and three hours in Philadelphia would give you plenty of time to buy the right magnet.
A-L: Yeah, I got an e-mail from you. But you sent the wrong itinerary
Pete: I just forwarded the one I received from United.
A-L: No, I'm pretty sure you wouldn't have booked the itinerary I received.
Pete: No, I've double checked, it's the right one. Irma wanted you to pick up some German Christmas decorations in Frankfurt, and a Liberty Bell magnet for Maria in Philadelphia.
A-L: Oh, so that's why I have two stops between Edinburgh and Los Angeles. I thought it was a mistake.
Pete: No, no. I figured two and a half hours in Frankfurt was enough time to shop for decorations, and three hours in Philadelphia would give you plenty of time to buy the right magnet.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Auster-Doyle Rears Its Spooky Head
Back in the beginning of November the Publishing Ladies* were in Paris to celebrate Jess's birthday. One of the key Publishing Ladies was missing: the Irish-Belgian Abu Dhabi Gemma. (She's the one who suffers from Auster-Doyle syndrome. Which sometimes manifests itself as Auster-Doyle-Smith syndrome. See previous posts.) She's working in Abu Dhabi on a conference on human trafficking, and apparently couldn't sacrifice a weekend for frivolity in Paris.
So, on Saturday night we were out at a restaurant to fete the birthday girl, and who should be sitting at the table next to us? Yes, Paul Auster. Playing the role of Gemma. Coincidence? Perhaps. Probably not. Who knows? Not me.
So, we decided to do the "I'm from L.A. and I see celebrities all the time and I leave them alone" thing, so we took photos of each other, hoping that he'll appear in the background. I will certainly post them when they're developed. What if Roddy Doyle appears in the background?
*Ladies who have/have had a tenuous link to the publishing industry.
So, on Saturday night we were out at a restaurant to fete the birthday girl, and who should be sitting at the table next to us? Yes, Paul Auster. Playing the role of Gemma. Coincidence? Perhaps. Probably not. Who knows? Not me.
So, we decided to do the "I'm from L.A. and I see celebrities all the time and I leave them alone" thing, so we took photos of each other, hoping that he'll appear in the background. I will certainly post them when they're developed. What if Roddy Doyle appears in the background?
*Ladies who have/have had a tenuous link to the publishing industry.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Possessive-Definite Articles
Ted: What is the name of your friend, we went to Arthur's Seat?
A-L: My friend from Portland? Who came to visit? Gavin is his name.
And then Ted made a gesture, putting his hand to his heart, to indicate that Gavin is either:
a) one of his 'homies'
b) a really nice person
Ted: Gavin is a very good man.
A-L: Yes, he's very nice.
Ted: He's my the best friend.
A-L: Six months ago you told me that I was your the best friend.
Ted: I lied.
A-L: My friend from Portland? Who came to visit? Gavin is his name.
And then Ted made a gesture, putting his hand to his heart, to indicate that Gavin is either:
a) one of his 'homies'
b) a really nice person
Ted: Gavin is a very good man.
A-L: Yes, he's very nice.
Ted: He's my the best friend.
A-L: Six months ago you told me that I was your the best friend.
Ted: I lied.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Vocab
Franch: Ted's word for 'French' or 'France'. Or both, at once.
Usage note: "You go on holiday to Franch?"
Usage note: "You go on holiday to Franch?"
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
English Lesson 335
I've taught Ted the following song, which we (ok, I) sing almost every morning in the kitchen when I'm heading out to work, and he's coming back from the night shift, drenched:
Rain, rain
Go away
Come again
some other day
Rain, rain
Go away
Come again
some other day
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Family Friends
A couple months ago Aila was looking at pictures from Maria and Hector's wedding, and she saw me in the line-up. So this is what happened next...
Aila (pointing to A-L): Mommy, is that your friend Anna-Lisa?*
Maria: No, I don't know who that is. I think she was with the photographer.
Aila: But she visits us twice a year, and always stays about three days too long. I think Daddy said she was your sister.
Maria: I think you're mixing her up with someone. I'm an only child. I don't know that woman you're pointing at.
Aila: When I'm older, can I tell people I don't know who Annais is?
Annais: I already tell people that you're a family friend.
*this is the only factual line of the story.
Aila (pointing to A-L): Mommy, is that your friend Anna-Lisa?*
Maria: No, I don't know who that is. I think she was with the photographer.
Aila: But she visits us twice a year, and always stays about three days too long. I think Daddy said she was your sister.
Maria: I think you're mixing her up with someone. I'm an only child. I don't know that woman you're pointing at.
Aila: When I'm older, can I tell people I don't know who Annais is?
Annais: I already tell people that you're a family friend.
*this is the only factual line of the story.
More ESL Fun
So Ted's English continues to improve. This of course takes some of the fun out of living with him, but there are still a few gems that crop up now and again. The other day, Ted confused 'barbeque' and 'manicure'. How these words have crept into his vocabulary I'm not sure, but the fact that he switched them delighted all within earshot.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)