Interview Saga - Part 1

This really happened. To someone I know. Names have been changed to protect those who need protecting.

Sally: I'm thrilled to be here, Nancy. Thanks for giving me an interview.

Nancy: No problem. I just want to start out by telling you that I'm leaving the company very soon. I'm going to get my MBA. I just thought it was fair to say that up front.

Sally: Great, then maybe I'll get your job instead of the one I'm interviewing for. I mean, what a shame. I'm sure I could learn so much from you.

Nancy: I have NO IDEA how they're going to find someone to replace me. They're never going to find what they're looking for.

Sally: Yes, you look like that rare individual who is indispensable.

Nancy: So, the salary's not spectacular for this low-level customer service position. How do you feel about that?

Sally: I've considered dog walking, nit picking and converting so I could become the mother to someone else's Jewish baby. I'm not particularly money motivated in this down spiraling economy. What's REALLY important to me is that I like the product I'm selling and that I work with nice people. And that I'm employed.

Nancy: Oh, I'm not nice.

Sally: Yes, I didn't not notice that. I mean, tee hee.

Nancy: I'm serious. I'm not nice. I hate training people. I'm really impatient.

Sally: Are you drunk? Did you just say that to me? I mean, I can understand that sentiment. I've been a manager, and training people can be challenging.

Nancy: Yeah, I'll show someone how to do something once, and if they don't get it, they're on their own and I get really aggravated.

Sally: Nit picking wouldn't be so bad. I could make my own hours.

Nancy: One thing that makes this mindless job very complicated is that we use many different systems, so you have to be very precise.

Sally: Well, I'm very good about admitting if I've made a mistake, and then going back and fixing it.

Nancy: That's a good trait, but, uh, we don't make mistakes. I'm serious. We don't make mistakes. We can't make mistakes.

Sally: You are the best thing that's ever happened to my blog. Are you kidding me? Did you REALLY just say that to me during an interview?

Nancy: Ok, come meet my boss, Bob.

Sally: Let's hope he's also a goldmine of interviewing no-no's.

-----

Bob: Scaaawwt-land, huh? How long did you live in Edin-bor-ough?

Sally: I'm not sure where Edin-bor-ough is, sir, but I lived in Edinburgh for five years.

Bob: I'm Scawwww-tish.

Sally: I don't believe you.

Bob: So, tell me about the retail job you had in Beverly Hills. I bet you had some demanding customers there.

Sally: That was seven jobs ago. Do you really want to focus on that one?

Bob: I'm just going to talk over you, and anything you say is wrong. My interviewing style is a mix of aggressive, condescending and confrontational. So explain how you would have dealt with an unhappy customer when you were working retail.

Sally: Well, I would have apologized, and then spoken with my manager...

Bob (interrupting): Let's say your manager's unavailable.

Sally: Well, I would have spoken to my manager's manager.

Bob: That person's not available either.

Sally: I didn't work alone at this high-department store. I don't think, sir.

Bob: Moving right along, prove to me that you're organized.

Sally: Uh, my resume is easy to read? I got here on time?

(At this point in the interview, Sally had given up, and already strongly disliked both Bob and Nancy. And never wanted to work near/with/for/against them.)

Sally: What, exactly, are you looking for in a low-level underpaid customer service rep reporting to self-important, inexperienced and unprofessional managers? I mean, what are you looking for in an employee?

Bob: I'm looking for someone who can "keep their head, when all about are losing theirs".

Sally: I like that poem.

Bob: Yes, it's Robert Burns.

Sally: Try again. It's Rudyard Kipling.

Bob: It's one of the two.

Yeah, the one I said.

And here concludes Part 1. Let's recap: Sally corrected her potential boss's boss in an interview because she can't bear to let it pass that he's attributed a Rudyard Kipling poem to Robert Burns. Will Sally ever get a job?? To be continued.