That Elusive Kitchen Table

A-L: I need help finding a kitchen table.

Peter-the-Greek: Did the old one run away?

A-L: In a sense. It went to a better home. Downstairs Neighbor and Former Roommate Michael (aka "Jewish Downstairs Neighbor/Sound Engineer Michael") was bequeathed the table by a former roommate. So we had to let her go.

P the G: What's the problem? Kitchen tables practically fall from the sky in a city of renters.

A-L: That's exactly what I'm hoping for. I want the perfect kitchen table to land in our kitchen. Upright. I'm tempted just to go to IKEA.

P the G: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! You can't just go to IKEA.

Downstairs Neighbor and Former Roommate Michael: Hi. What are you guys talking about?

A-L: The case of the missing kitchen table.

P the G: Our job is to stop her from going to IKEA.

DN+FRM: Craigslist all the way.

P the G: I don't know about "all the way". I have rule: If a cat can pee on it, I won't buy it from Craigslist.

A-L: I'm against Craigslist because it involves a lot of legwork. And what *can't* a cat pee on?

Caroline: True dat.

DN+FRM: We'll do the work for you. Peter and I will find the tables, and e-mail you the links.

P the G: In between looking for dates.

A-L: Too much work.

P the G: Reading an e-mail is too much work?

A-L: Vetting the kitchen table choices, calling the owners to make appointments to "meet" the tables, driving 930 blocks to look at them...that's too much work. I believe my patience will be rewarded.

Kitty: Until then, dinner in the garage.