Bacon Flu

A-L: What's new?

Irma: I think that cough Public Safety Pete had for three weeks was Swine Flu.

A-L: You've been watching too much Fox News.

Irma: We don't get that channel. We only get ABC, NBC, and KTLA, on a good day.

A-L: Have you and Pete finally turned into hippies? Are you living off the grid?

Irma: No, our T.V. antenna isn't great, and I'm too cheap to pay for cable. We used the money we would have spent on cable to send you and Sister Maria to private school.

A-L: Was St. Bonaventure only $35.99 a month? Truth be told, I'd rather have had MTV and VH1 than a Catholic education. Have you ever seen Pop Up Video? That sh** rocks.

Irma: No, I'm not familiar with that program.

A-L: You should sneak into the neighbor's house when they're out of town and watch cable. I'd trade my straightened teeth for three years of the Discovery Channel.

Irma: Is it that good?

A-L: Better. Give them three months, they'll have a documentary on Swine Flu.

Irma: If we're still around then.

A-L: Do you really think you'll catch it?

Irma: I hope not.

A-L: Come on Irma, you're a nurse. You know how diseases are spread, and you and Pete just aren't in the target market. You don't live with pigs, and you wash your hands far too often.

Irma: You don't have to live with pigs to catch it.

A-L: You just have to come in contact with someone who has it, and then lick them. And I bet no one you see, or lick, has it.

Irma: You never know.

A-L: Well, just know that if you and Pete fall victim, Maria and I will handle the proceedings in a manner befitting your legacy.

Irma: You'll serve ham and cheese sandwiches at the memorial service?

A-L: Pork ribs. Happy almost Mother's Day.