Diagnosis

Emma (not to be confused with GEmma): I think I have Turret's Syndrome.

A-L: Is that a syndrome that causes you to misspell other syndromes?

Emma: Nope. It's a syndrome wherein you're envious of people whose homes have turrets. Extremely common in visitors to San Francisco.

No Film in the Camera

My Finnish fairy Godparents went to Russia about 25 years ago and took some amazing photographs. Not exactly sure at what point, but sometime - presumably after all the photo ops - they realized that there wasn't any film in the camera. Which reminds me...

...back in early(ish) June I sat at a dinner table with Sister Maria, The Dog-Father, Peter the Greek, The Downstairs Neighbor of the Upstairs Unicorn, and Grand brother Hector's cousins, amongst other characters as-yet-unknown in this sphere. Did I take a picture?

No. Left the film in Russia. With my Finnish fairy Godparents.

Those Silly Germans

The Dog-Father: Why aren't you blogging?

A-L: Nothing funny has happened.

D-F: That's why you should go hiking with those Germans.

A-L: Pardon?

D-F: There's a German Tourist Club. They have a hike planned for next weekend. You should go.

A-L: What makes you think I think Germans are funny?

Sister Maria: I told him.

D-F: Please report back to me after the hike. Thanks.

SE Portland Update

Caroline: Hello?

A-L: Hi. I wasn't expecting you to answer the phone.

Caroline: Well, we are about to sit down to dinner, and my mom is visiting...

A-L: And you have a newborn and a three-year-old...

Caroline: But I do have a minute to say hello.

A-L: I was resigned to the fact that you're going to be busy for the next three years. And our friendship would continue via a series of unreturned answering machine messages. Does anyone else think Dave sounds like a robot on the answering machine?

Caroline: Yes, and yes. I am busy, but immobilized. That's what happens when you have a newborn.

A-L: Well, it's so nice to hear your voice, even for a minute.Please tell everyone hello from me.

Caroline: Zoey's back on prozac.

A-L: Sorry I don't remember Zoey. Is that someone Dave and I worked with at Tripwire? Or no, that was your manager at the Macaroni Grill in Little Rock.

Caroline: Zoey the cat.

A-L: Of course. I knew the god of blogging dialed your number for a reason.

Caroline: And Cujo's always been on Prozac.

A-L: Generic or name brand?

Caroline: Name brand.

A-L: Of course. Let's talk soon.

Welcome

Dear Baby Ben,

Welcome. Will they now have to change the blog name to "Big Dutch Babies?"

Jus sayin...

The Sunny Side of Life

Sister Maria: I'm soooo bummed I'm sick and on antibiotics. I wanted to do two things this weekend to (belatedly) celebrate my birthday with all of you: 1. Play in the snow. 2. Drink wine. And I can't do either of those things.

And then a little voice from the Peanut Gallery chimed in...

Annais: But you can still drink coffee!

The Unicorn Chronicles

I have an update from Dana, our long-suffering downstairs neighbor of an upstairs unicorn.

A-L: What's news? Any unicorn sightings?

Dana: We've done some more forensic work and confirmed that it's definitely a unicorn, or someone who moves about their room via a rolling chair.

A-L: Like a wheelchair?

Dana: No. Like an office chair.

A-L: Oh, like that scene from the opening credits of Family Ties, when Alex P. Keaton rolls across his room? It's the episode where he was taking speed.

Dana: Maybe. Although I don't think the unicorn is on speed.

A-L: Conjecture.

Dana: Indeed.

If I Had Spoken to My Arkansas Correspondent

A-L: Hi, since I haven't had a chance to speak to you, I'm going to make up a conversation we've had.

Caroline: Fair enough.

A-L: As the Portland-based Arkansas correspondent for this blog, I'd like to hear your take on why red-winged blackbirds are falling out of the sky in Arkansas.

Kitty: Old news.

A-L: Sister Maria and I are inclined to believe the Presbyterians are behind this, of course.

Caroline: Fair enough.

A-L: Is that polite Southern talk for "no comment"?

Caroline: No. I'm just pondering the evidence.

A-L: While you're pondering, can you help us with the pronunciation of the town now covered in dead red-winged blackbirds? It's Beebe, Arkansas. Would one say "bee-bee" or "beeb"?

Caroline: No comment on the pronunciation. As for the birds, turns out some fool set off professional-grade fireworks which scared them.

Emergency Preparedness

Yesterday I travelled home on the N-Judah with a très pregnant colleague. Our train was stuck for about 10 minutes in one of the stations.

Pregnant Colleague: I wish they had a better contingency plan for when these things happen.

So of course I'm thinking about escape routes, or alarms, or an announcement system.

P.C.: They should come around and serve us ice cream.

Neighbors

Dana: I haven't been getting very much sleep lately.

A-L: What ails you?

Dana: Have I told you about the unicorn upstairs?

A-L: No, indeed you have not. Tell all.

Dana: Well, there's a new "person" living in the room above mine. Lots of noise, at night. I've gone upstairs to introduce myself, and to express my concern about the noise. And this "person" is never home.

A-L: Ah, yes. I'm familar with upstairs neighbors. What makes you think it's a unicorn?

Dana: There's lots of prancing about. I can hear the clip-clopping of hooves. And it keeps odd hours. Tell-tale signs. Others have confirmed it sounds like a unicorn.

A-L: Well I'll be. I'd love to bring my nieces over. I'm sure they'd be *thrilled* to meet a unicorn.

Dana: I'll see if we can arrange a pot luck.