If I Had Spoken to My Arkansas Correspondent

A-L: Hi, since I haven't had a chance to speak to you, I'm going to make up a conversation we've had.

Caroline: Fair enough.

A-L: As the Portland-based Arkansas correspondent for this blog, I'd like to hear your take on why red-winged blackbirds are falling out of the sky in Arkansas.

Kitty: Old news.

A-L: Sister Maria and I are inclined to believe the Presbyterians are behind this, of course.

Caroline: Fair enough.

A-L: Is that polite Southern talk for "no comment"?

Caroline: No. I'm just pondering the evidence.

A-L: While you're pondering, can you help us with the pronunciation of the town now covered in dead red-winged blackbirds? It's Beebe, Arkansas. Would one say "bee-bee" or "beeb"?

Caroline: No comment on the pronunciation. As for the birds, turns out some fool set off professional-grade fireworks which scared them.