My Niece, the Genius

It's official, my niece, Aila, who is 15 months, 18 days old, is a genius. My mom has confirmed this. Apparently my mom was counting in Finnish and Aila repeated the numbers, in Finnish. Stop the presses: "Genius Baby Counts To Three, in Finno-Uric Language"

A Thousand Apologies

Dear Fans,

I've been busy. Work is hectic. And the Christmas season just places so many demands on you, socially, emotionally, financially, and, frankly, artistically. As Britney Spears once said, it's the 'hecticity' that really gets you.

Love,
The Artist

Some Hot Music

Below are some of the bands that EVERYBODY in the UK is listening to:

Franz Ferdinand
Scissor Sisters
Snow Patrol
Postal Service
Biffy Clyro
Kasabian
The Libertines

Just in case you were wondering...

The Perfect Present for the Reader

If you are a lover of Brits, and their humour (notice the 'u'), and fancy a wee tale about a Brit's misadventures in the U.S., may I recommend Toby Young's How To Lose Friends & Alienate People. True story. Hilarious. 'T'would make a great Christmas gift for that hard-to-buy-for-reader-who-likes-funny-memoirs-and-stories-of-British-and-American-culture-clashing.

(Mr. Paul Rollo, I'll save you the trouble of pointing out that 'American culture' is an oxymoron, to the Brits...who are too busy deep-frying 'cuisine')

The Return of the Scottish Weather

So we have had a lovely and mild Autumn here in Edinburgh. Today the Scottish weather has returned. It's wet and cold and windy. Some places can be like a wind tunnel. My co-worker Gillian told me that she had a friend at University who was very short and thin, and when it was windy in Glasgow she said she had to wear heavy shoes.

The Pressure of Hilarity

I feel extreme pressure to be hilarious every time I post to this blog. Therefore I haven't been posting lately. Frankly, I don't have anything hilarious to say. Or anything even remotely funny. Not that I'm sad, it's just that nothing uber-funny has happened.

I've always wanted my own humor column, and in a sense a blog is just that. And I've buckled under the pressure. I can't write a weekly column, let alone a daily one. How DID Erma Bombeck manage?

And the fact that *everyone* can read this kinda sometimes takes the fun out of writing. Because I have to censor what I write. For example, I can't write a poem about cats, because I might lose all my friends.

You know what I say to that?

Meow.

Finland Finland Finland

Happy Belated Birthday to Finland, who turned 87 on December 6.

This is what the CIA has to say about Finland.

Sandstrums Hit it Rich

I received this e-mail today:

Dear Sandstrum

It is my pleasure contacting you now, as I have longed to get in touch with anybody who knew Mr.Wilson Sandstrum, I am William Glashow (Esq.) United State citizen and the personal attorney to Wilson Sandstrum, who perished along with his family on the 01 FEB 1997 in a plane crash, the aircraft name is Hawker Saddled HS-748-353 Srs.2A.This crash happened in Tambacounda(Senegal) in Africa, and the registration number of the Aircraft is6AV-AEO.

My client had deposited about six Million, US. Dollars (6Million US Dollars)at the: STANDRAD TRUST BANK PLC, in west Africa, while working with an Oil Firm development center in west Africa as the head engineer. Since then, there had not been any trace of claim from any person, as the fund remains dormant in his account with the security company.

Although, I kept this information secret within my jurisdiction to enable me put claims and transfer the said amount through a trustworthy friend overseas whom I shall present to the bank as the bonfire next-of-kin to the deceased for a Profitable and successful project. Ever since I have been trying to locate the next of kin or any of the relatives to come forward and make this Claim, but to no avail. Please, if you are related to my client in any way or you know my client's actual relatives, re-contact me, so that
I can link them up to make the claim. But if you cannot contact them, you can come up and make the claim, because I do not want the money to be forfeited, as I expect to benefit from the Money also. Do consider this and get back to me. Thanks for your co-operation. Reply to my alternative email: (jayhg@mail2layer.com)

Sincerely.

William Glashow (Esq.).

PRINCIPAL ATTORNEY

LEVAN ASSOCIATES.


Here is my reply:

Dear Glashow,

First of all, no one addresses me as "Sandstrum". But I was hooked when I read that you have "longed to get in touch with" me. (I'll overlook the fact that the next word in that sentence was "anybody".)

Let me tell you why it's been so hard for you to locate any "bonfire next-of-kin": frankly, no one could stand old Uncle Wilson. As my dad would say, "he was a drunk." He'd show up for Thanksgiving, eat us out of house and home, tease the dog, steal the latest issue of Reader's Digest, break a lamp in the guest bedroom, and then head off again, presumably to Timbuktu.

Totally off the subject, I was confused by your phrase: "My client had deposited about six Million, US. Dollars (6Million US Dollars)." For clarity, I suggest you uncapitalize "Million" and practice consistency when punctuating "US". This sentence would read much better if it were written: "My client had deposited about six million dollars U.S. (US$6,000,000)."

And if there's a subject and verb in this incomplete run-on sentence, I'll be damned if I can find it: "Although, I kept this information secret within my jurisdiction to enable me put claims and transfer the said amount through a trustworthy friend overseas whom I shall present to the bank as the bonfire next-of-kin to the deceased for a Profitable and successful project."

So, just send us a cheque.

Sandstrum.

This is for my friend Johanna

She loves bubblewrap. Pop some here.

For a Laugh

See: Cat and dog sweaters

I read it in The Scotsman

From everyone's favourite newspaper, The Scotman, comes this headline:

Why festive shopping after 12:30 today equals trouble
Expert works out the exact moment it’s no longer fun to go hunting for those presents

To Do: Take Jewish Friends Off Christmas Card List

see above

Paris Hilton Trashes Paris Hilton

Didn't happen. But wouldn't it be great if Ms Paris Hilton stayed at the Hilton, in um, Paris, and then trashed it? More untrue headlines to come.

British Government Steals Passports

Not really, but I thought it would make a great headline.
More sensational headlines to follow.

Smokin' Pete Sandstrum

Last night I had a dream that my dad was in Edinburgh and needed my help navigating the public transportation system. So he rode the bus to work with me, and then I showed him which bus to take to the airport. (This is, after all, KGB Pete with billions of frequent flyer miles, and countless secret missions to complete.)

So I went into work and then later walked outside to make sure my dad had gotten to the bus stop ok. There he was, at the bus stop, my dad, AND HE WAS SMOKING! MY DAD, PETE SANDSTRUM, SMOKING A CIGARETTE. Can you even??

So I stayed back and just watched him. And he was smoking like an expert, so I decided that all these years he's been a secret smoker. Later in the dream, I was sniffing his briefcase and work papers for traces of cigarette smoke.

What would Freud say?

The Queen's English

This afternoon I overheard a woman ask the salesclerk at an electronics store if a product was "carry-able". No, ma'am, but it's portable.

Which reminds me of a good laugh my friend Ken Lund and I had a few years ago when he told someone we weren't making the most of the "up-space" above our convention booth. Yes Kenny, sometimes they call it the height.

And my friend Craig once spoke of the importance of "fore-planning". (The planning, apparently, that takes place before any planning can happen.)

I think the Queen would approve.

A Thanksgiving Greeting From My Family

Yes, they're thinking of me. This is the message my family sent me on Thanksgiving:

Gary says to just quit your whining and enjoy your haggis. Bagpipe music just doesn't go with football and turkey anyway.There really wasn't room for an 11th person at the table, and the only other setting was a tupperware plate from the 1960's with a whinnie-the-pooh sippie cup. The surplus white meat went to the most worthy recipient, our dog Pepper.

Peter is still raving about the stuffing and the gravy. Aila especially enjoyed Tina's yams with that tasty marshmallow topping.But you probably didn't care about any of that anyway.

Surely tropical Scotland is a much preferable place to spend the holidays, not like the sunny 70's we're enjoying here in California with a nice Napa valley merlot in hand. Oh, well, at least you get the benefit of picking up Shrek's accent.There's plenty of packing and moving waiting for you when you return.

I grabbed a few morsels of turkey for you from Pepper's bowl before he scarfed the rest down, so you'll have a memento of our holiday.

Who Needs the G?

The G on my keyboard is bein uncooperative. It takes three tries to et it to be a g. It has made it difficult to write about raduation, or the St iles Cathedral in Edinburh, and about reat White Sharks, and Scott Peterson's Attorney Mark eraos. And it's hard to properly wish everyone back home a Happy Thanksivin.

ood thin I'll be home soon and my dad can fix the . He's ood with computer hardware. I take that back: He's reat with computer hardware. He's fixed everythin from printin presses, and dishwashers, to CT Scanners, MRIs, and mammoraphy units. The should be no problem.

And when it's fixed, I'll tell him:

"Thank you, you're reat! You're the reatest dad a irl could wish for."

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving to all y'all.

The Mormon Pope

I know the Mormons don't have a Pope. But if they did, and the Mormon Pope had a web site, it would be www.mormoncult.blogspot.com.

What Baby Cat?

The apartment building across the street looked promising, when we first moved in. With about 15 windows within direct view of our sitting room, the building, we thought, would provide my flatmate Paul and I with lotsa 'people-watching' opportunities. We were prepared to have the neighbors figured out within, at most, a couple weeks.

At his last flat, on Alva Street, Paul and his flatmates had a direct view into six flats. Within a year of living there they had 'figured out' four of the six. There was Grooming Man who was a caretaker of a chess club (information gleaned from the Internet, legally) who groomed himself constantly. Next door to him lived four guys, one of whom moved away to Australia. Above them lived a gay poet with a taste for Victorian furniture. To the right of him was Ugly Almost Naked Man who did not do much besides sit on his sofa, in underwear. Above UANM was Single Lady Whose Parents Came to Visit Quite Often. Next to her was a couple who kept respectable hours, as far as Paul could tell.

But here on Perth Street, no such luck. We have Single Smoker Lady, and downstairs there's Boring Nordic Man, and a family, and The Guy With the Blue Light. Tonight I found out that The Guy With a Blue Light has a baby cat, who I could have been watching all this time. Meow.

Book List Continued

Recently read books:

The Mambo Kings Play Songs of Love, by Oscar Hijuelos (Winner of the 1989 Pulitzer Prize)

Man and Boy, by Tony Parsons (Winner of the Book of the Year 1999, British Book Awards)

A Clockwork Orange, by Anthony Burgess

Hire A Cousin

Visit my cousin Marty's web site.
Read his cowboy poetry.
Listen to his music.
The End.

Graduation is Tomorrow

Graduation is tomorrow.
I'm not nervous though.
I've already written my acceptance speech.
Boy will they be surprised when I grab the microphone.

Since ya'll won't be there, I'll give you a preview:
"Ladies and gentlemen, fellow graduates, esteemed guests, family members and friends.
Welcome to Edinburgh's Festival Theatre, and to my graduation.
I remember what my dad said to me when I told him that I had been accepted to Napier University's Masters in Publishing Programme: 'What do you know about this school? Are you sure it's not some diploma mill?'
On that note, I'd like to conclude.
Thank you for your attention."

It's only a preview.

You Say Tomato

Here I was thinkin' that Donald Rumsfeld had fled. But it was John Ashcroft. Six of one, half dozen of the other.

And now Colin Powell. See, I told you my U.S. Army Officer source was reliable. You read that scoop here, first. Don't forget it. So in the future, turn to this page for breaking news.

Giving Thanks Without Me

In an extremely controversial move my family has decided to celebrate Thanksgiving without me. As my friend Sara would ask, "Can you even??"

No Sara, I can't.

My brother-in-law Hector is apparently the only one thoughtful enough to forego Thanksgiving celebrations due to my absence. Very diplomatically Hector has told the rest of the family that he cannot attend because he is working. I always knew he was my only ally.

Even my darling niece, Aila, is part of the betrayal. Shame on her.

My dear parents, Pete and Irma, my sister, and my niece Aila are gathering with the "Finnish" side of the family, north of Sacramento, in Loomis, at my aunt and uncle's house. I thought they loved me. I can't bear the thought of them having fun without me.

They should forego Thanksgiving celebrations because: it's inconvenient to have 10 at the table - place settings are always sold in sets of 11, no one will be there to replace all the photos of Maria with pictures of ME, no one else will eat the tender white meat, and because there won't be anyone to sleep on the floor - and everyone knows it's not REALLY Thanksgiving unless the youngest, single relative sleeps in a sleeping bag on the living room floor.

In conclusion, I believe the "Finnish" side of the family is incapable of celebrating Thanksgiving without "the Informer" (a name I earned at age 11).

I welcome rebuttals. And white meat.

Remembrance Sunday

Today is Remembrance Sunday. So this morning, Paul and Sarah and Bryan and I watched on T.V. the Remembrance Services, held in London. The Queen and her posse were there. We accidentally talked through the minutes' silence at 11:11 a.m. Oops. I must confess, before this year I didn't think much of the Royals. But my flatmate Paul is an admirer of the Queen and her diplomacy skills, so I'm converted. And today when she placed a wreath at the Cenotaph (the UK's national memorial) she backed down the steps, in high heels. Just like Ginger Rogers, who, as Faith Whittlesey said, did everything Prince Phillip did, but backwards and in high heels. So the Queen has my vote.

And this evening Madonna was inducted into the UK Music Hall of Fame. For some reason she only has an English accent when she's in the States. Here, in her homeland, she sounds quite American. But she deserved the award. Madonna wrote the soundtrack to my elementary school/junior high years.

And then today my friend Norette said the funniest thing I've heard in a long time:

"He's an atheist, thank the Lord."

Did you know?

1. Apparently Colin Powell doesn't care for (my mom told me never to say "hates" and to use "doesn't care for" instead) George W. Bush. Maybe this is old news, but I had no idea. My inside source is an officer in the U.S. Army. And Army officers know everything about Colin Powell and his friends.

2. Glasgow, a city in the west of Scotland, when pronounced correctly, rhymes with "BINGO"

3. Scottish people make fun of Americans who mispronounce "Glasgow"

4. There is a market for sheep showers. See: http://www.andertongroup.com/Monsoon/monsoon2.htm

5. "This is Peter Knowlson" sounds like "this is Peter Thompson", especially when he has an English accent

6. If you work at Black and White Publishing you are entitled to a free copy of every title. Guess who's giving books as Christmas persents???

7. "Sewer Rat" is actually a corruption of the German term "Sauer Rotte" a Bavarian dish made with cabbage.

8. "For all in tents and porpoises" is a kinda funny way of saying "for all intents and purposes"

To Do:

Send the Palestinians an sympathy card
Send Donald Rumsfeld a Thank you note (Has Hallmark broken into the "Thank you for not serving a second term" market??)
Try to remember what my darling niece looks like because I don't have any recent photos of her (Hi Maria, if you're reading this. or this.)
Calm the North Wind (it makes Scotland cold)

In no particular order.

Visit Finland

Since it's Wednesday, and you're probably at work, you deserve a break. Take a quick virtual tour of Finland. It will make you feel happy, and inspired, and relaxed, and refreshed. Click here to visit Finland.

Things To Do List

You know those lists (or books) that list all the things you should do before your life is over? Well, I've started such a list for me. I've bolded the things I've already done.

• Eat mussels in Brussels.
• Dye Belgian lace by melting Belgian truffels on it.
• Leave a stuffed animal in a hotel in one country and have it sent back to you in another.
• Adopt a homeless pure bred dog.
• Be the sister of someone who's taken a hot air balloon ride.
• Celebrate a birthday in Brussels.
• Dress as a pirate and walk around town asking people if they've seen the new pirate movie, "It's Rated ARRRRRRRRGGHHHHH,"
• Learn how to make a good pie crust.
• Write one good sentence.
• Fly from Chicago to Los Angeles on a clear, sunny day. Sitting at the window seat.
• Make a documentary about crazy, fun, sentimental extended family.
• Visit all seven continents, dressed as a pirate.
• Learn to speak with a Scottish accent.
• Be called "unflappable".
• Fall at a graduation ceremony. (May be bold next week.)

to be continued

Witch Doctors and Old Wives' Tales

Never doubt "the Irma." That's what I started calling my mom yesterday. "The Irma" is an international phenomenon. More on that later.

On Saturday my niece, Aila, had a temperature of 102. My sister wanted to take her to the emergency room. I think her husband, Hector, persuaded her to call "the Irma" for some medical advice. So she did.

The Irma said, "Give Aila some baby Tylenol and then give her a bath. It will lower her body temperature."

What??!!? Maria is used to getting cockamaimie medical advice from well-meaning friends, neighbors, and in-laws. Had she misdialed? She thought she had called the Irma, Registered Nurse, mid-wife, and font of all knowledge medical. The best the Irma could come up with is "give the baby a bath"?

"Ok, thanks," Maria told the Irma.

For the first time, she doubted our mom's medical advice.

So she called the pediatrician.

Maria: "Aila has a fever of 102. Should I take her to the emergency room?"

Pediatrician: "No. Just give her a bath."

It will lower her body temperature.

The Canadians Will Save US

Bless the Candians. They will save the American liberal.
(Thank you to my friend DPD in Portland, Oregon for alerting US to this site.)

Quotes and such

When did Jesus have time to learn carpentry?

And today my flatmate Paul said, "I suppose Germany is the Texas of Europe."

Yes Paul, I suppose it is.

"Remember, we dumped all that tea into Pearl Harbor," my friend Hannah explaining to Paul the history behind Americans' love of coffee. (Hannah is writing a book. It's called: Why the Japanese Bombed Boston. It will be available in December 2005.)

That Clown

Last night I was watchin' the election results. When I went to bed Bush had 39 electoral votes, and Kerry 3. I called my mom.

"I can't believe you voted for that clown," I told her.

She got mad at me.

"At my age you have to have common sense. I'm not voting for him, I'm voting for the Republican party," Irma said.

So I repeated my line:

"I can't believe you voted for that clown."

My mom got madder. She raised her voice.

"I am being practical and realistic."

So there you have it, my mom voted for that clown, and his party.

Thank heavens I'm Finnish.

Finland in the News

It's not good news.

Election Mania

U.S. Presidential Election Mania has hit Edinburgh. My flatmate Paul says if he could vote in the election tomorrow he would vote for John Kerry because he is altruistic. (Paul, not John Kerry.) My friend Mhairi (pronounced Mhairi) would vote for John Kerry not because she likes John Kerry but because it would be a vote against Dubya. My flatmate Jason would vote for John Kerry because "you can't trust a man whose eyes are too close together." (Yes, Ralph Nader's eyes are much too close together.) And my friend Simon is going to make a million when he auctions off the chad from my ballot on E-bay. And he'd vote for Kerry too. So Kerry wins Scotland.

Tom Foolery

Tom foolery has kept me from posting the latest news from Edinburgh. Friday ushered in the beginning of a weekend of tom foolery with the arrival from Los Angeles of friends Hannah and Emily. They departed today, for London, so they had the standard 66-hour Edinburgh tour. It included: dining in French, French, and French restaurants, drinking in a couple few many establishments, a look at Edinburgh Castle from the parking lot, a spin through the *new* Scottish Parliament building, many cups of coffee, and a night-time tour of the spooky underground vaults. Oh, and a little Halloween party.

Any others interested this sort of whirlwind tour should book now.

Happy Birthday Irma Helena

Today is my mom's 65th birthday. For the occasion, I wrote a song. It's called, "Happy Birthday", and it's sung to the tune of "Happy Birthday." Twice.

Are You Voting for the Redskins?

Harness the power of the Washington Redskins.

Stupid Americans

Tonight at the bus stop there was a Scottish guy and his American girlfriend. I asked her where she was from and she said "Massachusetts." Where am I from? she wanted to know. "Los Angeles," I said, because if I say "California", then the next question is always "where in California?"

"Have you voted?" I asked the very unfriendly American lady.

"No, have you heard what Bush is doing to prevent Americans overseas from voting?" she asked me.

"No," I said to the crazy unfriendly American lady.

"Well, he's done it to me. I have tried to vote three times and haven't been able to. You're supposed to be able to vote online and when I try to vote it says it's not working so I haven't been able to vote."

"Well, I just had my mom mail my ballot to me," I told the crazy unfriendly conspiracy-theory-spreading American lady.

So then the number 27 bus arrived and we boarded. The Scottish man and the American went to the back of the bus. I overheard her say "Los Angeles" and then laugh.

Bitch.

Have You Visited This List?

Sad list.

www.fatcatalley.com

If you like cats, or cartoons, or humor, visit Fat Cat Alley. Click on the litterbox and check out the cartoon Cheap Hotel. It's funny. Alan and Elenor Sheltra, the masters of this web site, have been hosting my cat, Puppy, since August 2003.

Parents

My friend and co-worker Rhona is having surgery on Thursday. Her parents were going to come over to Edinburgh on the weekend to visit her in the hospital. But then they decided that they are coming over on Thursday because they want to be there when she wakes up. Rhona told them that it's ok and they don't have to come over until the weekend, but her mom said they want to be there so she's not scared when she wakes up.

Isn't that sweet? Rhona is 40.

Job Wanted

I'm looking for a job. Here are my qualifications.

Two degrees. (One obtained in Scottish.) Cat-sitting experience. Extensive knowledge of Finnish candy. Culturally sensitivity: I don't tease Germans about the whole Nazi thing. Ability to get along with people who think I'm funny. Exceptional organizational skills admiration.

To be continued.

An Interview

I thought I'd interview myself because no one else will.

Q: When was the last time you ate an avocado?
A: Two days ago. And it was a bad avocado. There's nothing better than a good avocado, but there's also nothing worse than a bad avocado.

Q: Who do you think will win the Presidential Election?
A: Which one?

Q: Don't play dumb.
A: I don't think you can trust a man with two first names. John Kerry will lose.

Q: Where is Osama bin Laden?
A: Crawford, Texas. Or Nashville.

Q: When was the last time you did a cartwheel in public?
A: Three weeks ago.

Q: What was the name of your first pet?
A: Pinky. He was a cat.

Q: Who does your mom swear she saw at the Zurich airport the summer of 2001?
A: One of the 9/11 hijackers.

Q: If you could be a fly on any wall, which would you choose?
A: The Berlin Wall.

Thursday Afternoon

What you folks in America just don't understand is that while it's Thursday afternoon for you, it's Thursday night for me. It has to do with the rotation of the sun around the earth. I've been through Thursday afternoon already. It's like so eight hours ago. I'll tell you what happens on your Thursday afternoon:

At around 4:30 p.m. the bosses and Gillian will leave for Glasgow to attend the launch party for Pretty Wild by Anvar Khan. Then you and Norette will decide that you have to leave at 5:07 p.m. to take the post out. From there on out your Thursday afternoon involves a short bus ride (on the no. 10) and then a stroll down Princes Street. And shopping. Some trying on of ill-fitting trousers is followed by going to Norette's flat and getting rid of the big spider in her hallway whose presence kept her from sleeping last night. What are friends for? I guess you'll find out this afternoon.

Two Bunnies (squared)

Read a great math problem, involving rabbits.

Go Red Sox

What a baseball season to miss.

Go Red Sox.

Presidential Visions

Last night I had a dream that my mom and I were in Florida and we met John Kerry and the Republican Vice Presidential candidate (who was not Cheney) and I told them that my mom called President Bush a 'nit wit' (which she did, last week). My mom was so embarassed and John Kerry laughed.

The Beautiful German Language

In a previous post I mentioned the beauty of the German language. I was going to conduct a world wide survey to find the most beautiful German word in the world. But someone beat me to it. (Visit the article "Word power" on this page.)

My favourite German phrase is 'auf das wiedersehen' which is shortened to 'aufwiedersehen' and is translated as 'good bye.' What it really means is 'upon seeing each other again' or 'to seeing each other again.' Beautiful. Simply beautiful.

Thank you to my friend Paul Scherzinger who forwarded the link to me.

A Pouty EU Passport Photo

Don't smile, the lady told me.

Apparently you're not allowed to smile, or show your teeth, in EU Passport photos because it prevents 'them' from being able to scan your face and determine if you're carrying anthrax.

So now I have my photos for my Finnish passport. Tomorrow I'll head out to the Finnish Consulate to order my passport.

When I get my Finnish passport I have to leave the UK with my American passport, get it stamped that I left, enter another country with my American passport, get it stamped that I entered, and then turn around and come back with my Finnish passport. I love international customs BINGO.

Sunday Best

Do you think more people would go to church if there was karaoke? The acolyte and Mrs. Trahan could do a duet to 'How Great Thou Art'. The rest could sing along, they just wouldn't be miked.

We went to church every Sunday from the time I was 7 until I was about 17. And then for some reason, when my parents were deprived of the joy of waking their daughters up on Sunday mornings, when Maria and I had left the nest, and Pete and Irma just had each other, they stopped going. My mom says she's not going back to Peace Lutheran because the new pastor used to be a mechanic. My parents started going to Peace Lutheran way back in the 70s, when it was just a few Lutheran lambs following Pastor Laatz. Now some auto-mechanic is leading the flock.

A couple years back, on their way to the Christmas Eve candlelight service, my dad almost turned into the parking lot of St. Columba's, the Episcopal church. He was tired, and it's quite reasonable that he would get lost. They've only been going to 71 Loma Drive for 30 years. My mom came home from that service talking not about the miracle of Jesus' birth, or the beautiful service, or the old friends they saw, but laughing about how they almost became Episcopalian.

My goal as a church-going teen was to make my mom laugh out loud in church. For all her Lutheran-Finnish seriousness she was a good sport. She has always been a 'church laugher.' My sister and I used to change the words of the hymn from 'when I fall on my knees with my face to the rising sun, oh Lord have mercy on me' to 'when I fall on my face with my knees to the rising sun.' Irma loved that one.

With the mechanic at the helm, my mom worships at home. She keeps up on the church gossip through Jeff, their life insurance rep. (Apparently the pastor who served Peace Lutheran before the mechanic is no longer a pastor. Controversial.)

I promised I wouldn't tell anyone about the time when my mom was on altar duty and accidentally let the Eternity Candle extinguish. Oops.

Help Wanted: Airport Security Screeners

They're hiring baggage screeners at airports around the country. Read the ad.

Electoral College Map Fun

Boy is this presidential race close. So close. I got my absentee ballot in this morning's mail. The Original Finn mailed it too me. I voted. I'll mail it tomorrow. The American lady who works at the deli by my work told me that she wishes she had mailed her ballot 'registered mail' because she doesn't trust the election officials. She thinks something 'untoward' will occur, and the result will be a Bush victory. Paranoia? Hysteria? I think. I think we need to keep an eye on ourselves.

The Los Angeles Times has an excellent electoral-vote-possible-scenarios map.

Recycling

So my cousin Amy Holloway has located Heather Locklear who I reported 'missing' in yesterday's post. My apologies to anyone who became distressed. Apparently Heather is doing quite well, starring in a 'new show called LAX with the lovely Blair Underwood and it's all about the daily drama and goings on at the LAX airport' writes Amy, University of Portland Class of 2003. (My dad could totally be a highly-paid consultant to that show. With all the travelling he does, my dad's so totally popular at LAX.)

And on a lighter note, I'd like all of you to encourage others to recycle. No joking around here. (or here.)

Being the child of a child of war I was raised reusing wrapping paper and saving sour cream containers (they could be used to confuse the Russians if they ever attacked). I'm all for REDUCING, REUSING and RECYLCLING. My friend Christina's mom signs greeting card very lightly, in pencil, so that the recipient might reuse them.

Here are some totally unrevolutionary tips for recycling:
use both sides of notepaper when taking phone messages
use scrap paper for taking notes
recycle aluminum cans, glass bottles and plasic containers where possible

I read somewhere that with the energy saved by recycling one aluminum can, you can raise a village, or a child, or something. Or maybe light a bulb for an hour. No specifics here, just a little friendly advice. Amy, can you ask Heather to recycle?

Hypochondria and Heather Locklear

Whatever happened to Heather Locklear? She was so totally happenin' in like 1999. She's virtually disappeared. If you see her, let me know.

For those you of you looking for a good recipe for making fake blood (for Halloween costume fun) I'd like to pass on an old Scottish recipe: mix Nescafe instant coffee and ketchup. Instant fun. And blood.

I had a close relative who my mom secretly diagnosed as a hypochondriac, and I'm wondering if it's hereditary. Or perhaps contagious. I used to sit next to Alex when I worked in the Pre-Press department at the Daily News. Alex was convinced he had throat cancer because he had these horrible pains, and difficulty swallowing. He prolonged the drama by scheduling a doctor's appointment for September. It was July when his 'spells' began. By the time the doctor's appointment rolled around, Alex had interviewed morticians and willed away his 1992 Toyota Corolla. The doctor's verdict? Heart burn.

Interviewing Pediatricians

My high school friend Erin is expecting her first baby. But she wasn't expecting so much unsolicited advice from others. Her friend Gretchen, whose name I have changed to protect Melissa's identity, recently had her first baby. How recently? Last week, or so. But she's already an expert. Gretchen asked Erin if she has started interviewing pediatricians.

"Do I have to interview them??" Erin asked me.

Well Erin, since you asked, you're waaaay behind schedule. You should have started interviewing pediatricians at least six months before you got married. That way you could determine if your prospective husband and your pediatrician are compatible. The synergy between the father of the baby and the pediatrician is key to raising a happy and healthy child. If they're not a match, ditch the husband. A good pediatrician is much harder to find.

And don't name your baby without reaching a consensus. You MUST have the baby's name approved by your in-laws, your sister-in-law's boyfriend, your parents' neighbors, and of course me. And my mom. Since you're due in April, you have until January 5th to present us with the shortlist. (Names of Finnish origin will be looked upon favorably.)

Also consider these factors which will affect the health and development of your unborn baby:

1. Hand-me-down maternity clothes. No way. You work in Beverly Hills. A reasonable budget for maternity clothes is $2000. Any less and your baby will know you're cutting corners. (Gretchen spent $3000.)

2. A new car is a must. You're not still driving that Honda, are you? I suggest finding the perfect car seat (to be re-upholstered each season), and then buying the car to match. The car seat will also have to be coordinated with your husband's vehicle. Maybe he should get a new car as well. (Gretchen's husband did.)

3. Vitamins A - Z. I'm sure your OB Gyn will advise you on which vitamins you should take, but I would, at all costs, avoid generic brand prenatal vitamins. Your baby will fail kindergarden if you buy your vitamins at Target.

4. The foods you eat now will determine how much your child loves you. As Gretchen would suggest, organic foods are a must. Avoid the affordable Farmer's Markets that occur in your area. Specialty supermarkets are best. Afterall, it's for your baby.

Good luck. Call my mom if you need any REAL advice.

Stem Cell Research and My Mom

I have a lot on my mind these days. Forefront is the very important decision that I will face in three weeks: should I dress as Rod Stewart or Martina Navratilova for Halloween. The dilemma arises because of one very versatile mullet wig. It belongs to my flatmate Jason. Worn with a tennis skirt, the mullet is very Martina, and I've been told I look like her. On more than one occasion. Unfortunately. In the company of leopard print trousers and a flowy white blouse, the mullet is totally Rod Stewart (who by the way is NOT Scottish, even though he claims to be).

Also on my mind is the upcoming election. I might have mentioned that before. I spoke with my mom last night. She said my absentee ballot is on its way. And then she offered some 'friendly' suggestions on voting on some of the propositions. She briefly explained one proposition that involves Indian gaming. She summed it up with 'and then there will be card rooms everywhere.' The next thing I heard was 'stem cell research' and before she hung up, she whispered, 'and please vote for Elton Gallegly for Congressman.'

This week the Finnish government granted me citizenship. Through my mom. She's Finnish, by the way. In case I haven't mentioned that in this post. The woman from the Finnish Embassy in London called yesterday. She said in a very serious voice, the Finnish government has reviewed your papers and application and they have decided that you, have, because you submitted them, you have been voted ON the island. I mean, she said, you have been given Finnish citizenship. It was so dramatic. It was like she, um, granted me citizenship to her proud little country. Go Finland. No, go to Finland. Go visit. It's beautiful.

Pete "KGB" Sandstrum

Well, well. I thought it was scandalous enough that my parents met in a bar and married in Vegas, but now it turns out my dad was a KGB operative. Or something like it.

We lived in Germany from 1979 to 1982, and my dad "fixed medical equipment." He would leave the house carrying a suitcase, a briefcase, a tool box, and wearing a long, dark winter coat. He would return a couple weeks later with wooden Russian dolls. (The kind where the biggest one houses all the littler ones, almost like she swallowed them.)

The other day my mom dropped into conversation that my dad used to "fix medical equipment" at the KGB Hospital in Moscow. What??? I knew my dad travelled to Russia a lot, but only to retrieve dolls for my sister and me. Turns out he was keeping the KGB officers healthy.

While the rest of the world was waiting in fear for the Russkies to press "the button" and obliterate us all, I was wondering how the littlest doll got in there. And by the way, the Russians didn't have a thing on us. My dad used to bring them basic supplies. He once brought them a coffee machine, which the doctors had never seen before.

Looking back, I think it was wise of my parents not to tell me, as a five-year-old, that my dad was working at the KGB Hospital. That's just the sort of thing I would have told everyone on the plane, which is the 1980 equivalent of posting it on the internet...

A Unique Timepiece

This is the coolest clock I've seen.

Foxes are Birds, in Great Britain

Scotland seemed like a good place to attend graduate school because: a. I could study in English. Before I left Los Angeles, Matt in the photo department at the Daily News told me that his friend had said: 'Scottish is harder to understand than German.'

'Well,' I told Matt, 'I speak German.'

'So did he.'

My verdict is that Scottish is not more difficult to understand than German, but it's just as colourful. (More on the rainbow-like features of the German language in a future post.) I know there have been billions of articles written on the hilarious Three's Company-like situations that arise when two English speakers, presumably speaking the same language, get their mixed messages crossed. But here's another.

In the States, 'partner' used in this sentence: 'My partner and I are going out for dinner' means 'gay lover'. In Scotland, 'partner' used in the above sentence means boyfriend, or girlfriend, or signficant other. Mr. Furley would have been confused too.

Another phrase the Scots throw around is 'popping out', as in, 'I'm just popping out for a minute.' In American English, the phrase 'popping out' is reserved for describing the very specific situation when a woman is wearing a bra that is two or more sizes too small and her breasts are 'popping out.' Boy has this phrase tripped me up.

'Neeps and tatties' is another doozy. We just don't have that phrase in Los Angeles. Probably because it's a Scottish term for 'turnips and potatoes' usually served with haggis. (Not to be confused with Meryl Haggard.)

Who knew the word ‘pants’ would present so many problems? In class one day I told my Canadian friend Melanie, ‘I like your pants.’ ‘Thanks,’ she responded, ‘they’re new.’ (I made that up, I can’t remember what she said.) And everyone started laughing at us, the misguided North Americans. Customs officials should have to tell Americans arriving in Great Britain that on this island ‘pants’ means ‘underwear.’ But as my American friend Jess so expertly argued, if underpants are underpants, then surely the garment they’re worn ‘under’ is ‘pants.’ So underwear are underpants and pants are pants. Melanie, I don’t take it back. I like your pants.

And in Scotland foxes are birds. In terms of looks. The Scots would say, ‘she’s a fit bird.’ Translation: ‘She’s hot’ or ‘she’s a fox.’ Fit bird brings to mind the roasted turkey being basted on Thanksgiving by your hen-pecked father who’s trying to stay out of the way of your mother who’s running around like a chicken with her head cut off. To Americans, birds aren’t sexy. But foxes totally are.

I recently read Bill Bryson’s Made in America. It should be required reading for any American fox venturing to Great Britain.

Presidential Election Mania

I encourage all y'all to play this game. It matches your views on issues with the Presidential candidate most likely to do what you want.

And this map shows who is voting for whom. And here you can check up to see which candidate your neighbors are giving their money to.

What was the voter turnout in the last presidential election? Find out here.

What I Learned Working Retail in Beverly Hills

I worked at Barneys New York in Beverly Hills part-time from February 2002 to August 2003. Here's what I learned:

1. Never button the bottom button on a suit coat.

2. Plastic surgery makes your face look plastic.

3. Money doesn't buy class, manners, good taste or common sense. (Thanks to Kevin who added 'common sense'.)

4. People who have been waited on all their lives will lose their grown son in the store and expect me to know where he is.

5. Shannen Doherty doesn't answer to 'Brenda'

6. Self-importance is a four-letter word.

7. Behind every well dressed actor there are 17 exhausted assistants.

8. If it's torn, dirty, or missing, blame it on the Studio Department.

9. The only way to sell a $3000 white linen Armani suit is to tell people it comes with a speedboat.

10. Men who've known for three months that they're going to the Oscars will wait until the Tuesday before to buy a tuxedo, that needs extensive altering.

Money-Saving Tips

Being a recent graduate only partially employed, I'm on what some might refer to as a shoestring budget. In fact, I've been on said budget for a while.

The other night my flatmate and I were watching “The Bank of Mum & Dad”, which featured a twenty-something whose parents were called in to help him get out of debt. They offered revolutionary advice such as: 1. walk, don't take a taxi, and 2. buy groceries instead of eating out. Wow.

I would like to offer some additional (and may I say better) tips for saving money/reducing debt.
1. At your next party, ask guest to bring canned food. Tell them it's for a charity. (It's not.)
2. Pay your rent as late in the month as possible. This allows you to maximize the interest earned on your checking account. (Last month I earned £.67)
3. When the hand soap (or dish soap) gets low, fill the dispenser with water. This soapy mixture goes a long way. (I'd like to acknowledge my mom for this great tip!)
4. Pick up odd jobs where possible. I have a regular babysitting gig, and I ALWAYS arrive hungry. That way, I earn an hourly wage AND dinner.

Visit this site tomorrow for some more money-saving tips!

Anna-Lisa

What the Americans Are Saying: Bush or Kerry?

Lanae from Los Angeles:

I have a terrible feeling Bush will win again. But alas this is the second election where I will NOT vote for him!

D. from Portland, OR:

I live in Portland, where I am forbidden to express my opinions publicly unless they are liberal and pro-Democrat (or at least anti-Republican). Expressing any support for the President results in someone stealing my yard sign, keying my car, spitting on my car, etc.

I think it's safe to say Kerry will take Oregon. Ironically, the same people wearing "Bush is taking away my civil liberties" pins are the ones that think I'm an attack target if I exercise my right to free expression.

Anyway, I think it will be a very close race nationally (too close to call) and Kerry is getting hit pretty hard for not being able to hold a consistent position on key issues. I think that may be his undoing. Without that albatross, I think he'd win by 5% to 8%.

Mike from D.C.:

In my opinion, Bush will win with 56% of the popular vote. He is the right man at the right time in history. Kerry would be a disaster as President.

C. from Portland, OR:

Everyone I talk to (except my boss) is voting for Kerry. I don’t know who will win, but I think it will be close. Jim and I enjoyed watching the debate the other night. I agree w/ the analysts who said it seemed like Bush ran out of material. My mother will be visiting during the next two debates. I can’t wait to watch with her. She is a staunch Democrat (surrounded by Republicans where she lives) and extremely informed.

Do I think more people will vote this time? I know for sure that at least one more person will: I was talking w/ a guy in our office about the debate the other day. It seems his wife was moved. After the debate ended, she told him she was going to register to vote. He told me he was surprised by that b/c “she’s not like that”. I was surprised he was comfortable telling me that his 28 year old wife wasn’t registered to vote.

Nancy in Los Angeles:

I just heard on the news this morning that after last week’s debate, 3 different polls taken the 4 days after the debate show that kerry and bush are neck in neck at 49% each. And they also said that in the swing states, voter registration is up 3x more than usual….so obviously people think this is an important election where their vote WILL make a difference. Personally, I think it’s too close to call yet. It will all depend on what happens in iraq the next month and if any terrorist things happen and how the next 2 debates go. Bush was SO not presidential and looking like he didn’t even want to be there last time. I think a lot of people are waiting to see what happens in the next few weeks…with the 2 of them and in the world.

Mike from Minneapolis:

There are more presidential lawn signs this year than last the 4 elections combined. Kerry seems to have a little momentum and hopefully is getting some previously uninterested people to register.

Caroline from Portland:

I think we're all holding our breath after Kerry trounced Bush in thedebate. there seems to be a "hope for the best, expect the worst"attitude. for myself, I fear that Bush will win but not fairly.At a party last night I talked to one woman who feels like Kerry willwin. I think people are kind of afraid to get their hopes up and havebecome more cynical. that's the news from the Portland potluck party circuit.

Presidential Worries in Edinburgh

So my flatmate Paul Rollo and I are engaged in debate here in Edinburgh about who is going to win the upcoming U.S. Presidential election. Paul is convinced that Dubya will be re-elected. He has threatened to steal my absentee ballot and vote for Bush.

I have sent an e-mail to some friends in the States so they can fill me in on what Americans, not Brits, are saying about the campaign.

I know how two dead people feel:

Wisconsin Man endorses Kerry in wife's obit

And my mom found an Obituary in the Ventura Star Free Press in which the family of the deceased had written:

Her greatest consolation in death was knowing that she would not live to see Bush re-elected.

The Guide to a Perfect All-American Halloween Party in Scotland

In late September/early October of an election year most folks are pondering global issues. I am too. But my global issues involve how to host an authentic American Halloween party in Edinburgh. As the sole American host I feel the Scots will look to me for guidance.

First let me debunk a couple myths. American Halloween parties do not involve dunking or 'bobbing' for apples, for two reasons. 1. It's unsanitary. A person fishing with their open mouth around a tub full of water trying for an apple will invariably deposit bacteria. 2. It's dumb.

Second, Halloween Costumes have nothing to do with scaring people. You don't, as one Scottish friend suggested, have to dress as a ghost or goblin or mummy or witch or serial killer. You can dress as anything you want.

Third, Halloween is for adults. I have made up the following statistic which I stand by: 57% of Americans aged 18 and over attend a Halloween party, compared with only 31% who attend a New Year's Eve party.

Fourth, Halloween Costumes can be 'tacky' or 'tasteless'. (ie: it's ok to dress as Osama bin Laden or the Unabomber - a favorite of a few years back).

Fifth, use your imagination. Following is a list of some of some Halloween costumes of which I approve:

- A college acquaintance dressed in all brown and taped pieces of yellow paper to himself. Voila, he was 'Poop with corn in it'

- My friend Harold has chosen his costume for this year: A Devil with a Mullet

- One year Gavin grew his hair out (which obviously requires much planning and Halloween costume commitment) and shaved himself a bald spot and created a comb-over for a very authentic old man costume

- One Halloween spent in Las Vegas I came upon some young college guys dressed in plain wool trousers, wearing braces (suspenders, for the Americans), and plain grey shirts. They had grown the appropriate facial hair and were, you guessed it, Amish. This costume was made all the better by the fact that they were surrounded by women dressed as kittens and were at the craps table.

- Several friends all dressed as Madonna, but each from a different album

- Some of the old stand bys can be very good: the old lady/man, the nerd, the pregnant cheerleader, the flasher, the priest or nun (wearing sequins underneath), and the cross dresser.

I hope the above tips have been helpful.

Anna-Lisa

Old Writings: The Announcement of My Move to Edinburgh

In September I'm starting school in Edinburgh, Scotland. At Napier University. (It's not French.) Mr. Napier was a Mathematician. I'll be studying Publishing. Why, you ask? Because. Because I said so.

I chose Napier University because they have have an exchange program with the University of Jyvaskyla, in Finland (of course). And any institution associated with anything Finnish has to be good.

On the Missouri School of Journalism's web site I found this factlet: [Edinburgh] flourished by the 18th century time of enlightenment, when it was called the "Athens of the North." (Athens, Georgia?) And then I came upon the Edinburgh Chamber of Commerce web site which brags that Robert Louis Stevenson said Edinburgh "is what Paris ought to be."

So I rest my case. No, I haven't thought this out clearly. And no, Idon't know what I'll do with a Masters degree in publishing from some Scottish diploma mill, but at least y'all will have a friend in Scotland. I'll forward my address when I have it. Come visit.

Anna-Lisa MacSandstrum

Old Writings: Another Reason to Hate the French

Dear Airport Worker Who Stole Things Out of My Suitcase On My Recent Trip Through Paris,

I hope you enjoy the fish knife I bought in Finland. It was for my friend, but now that I think about it, you’ll get more use out of it. (The leather case has a loop so you can wear it on your belt.)

Please take care of my blue bikini bottoms. I’m sure you’ll find someone who’s a size 10 and owns the matching bikini top. Remember to rinse in cold water after each use and wash with gentle detergent.

You little devil, you don’t like chocolate bars or black licorice, but you LOVE chocolate filled mints. My 96-year-old great aunt bought those mints for my sister, silly. I’ll tell her you said “merci.” And that wooden toy was for a co-worker. But he pitched a fit when I told him his present was stolen, so he didn’t deserve it anyway.

I was foolish to put my undeveloped film in my checked bag, and thank you for teaching me that lesson! At least now I don’t have to pay to get those 6 rolls developed (that’s the most expensive part of this hobby). Please order double prints and send the extras to Marketta & Christian, Ritva, Leila, Ilkka & Hille, and Leena’s family, along with thank you notes. Isn’t Finland gorgeous in the summer!?! Give me a call if you need help labeling the photos.

If you’re ever in the States, you have a place to stay!

Bonjour,
Anna-Lisa

Old Writings: Work at the L.A. Daily News

I started my new job on Monday, at the L.A. Daily News. I'm the Recruitment Sales Coordinator in the Advertising Department. So far I've folded pieces of paper and made copies. I love it.

The guy who sits across the aisle answers the phone all day in a monotone voice, "Classified, this is Alex." Classified, this is Alex. Classified, this is Alex. He's 27, and is a step-grandfather. The lady who sits next to me is getting divorced. She spends her day making personal calls. Apparently her soon-to-be ex-husband only offered her 20% of the profits from the sale of their home. And a year ago, a fortune teller who she met at a Pampered Chef Party (think Tupperware) told her that she needed to work on her relationship or it would end.

I still don't have a computer because Ernesto in I.S. can't find the work order that my boss and my boss's boss signed on Monday. Today Ernesto told me, "the good thing is, if you don't have a computer you don't have to do any work. Ha ha ha." Ernesto is hilarious. And a hard worker.

Today I heard Diane telling Shawn and Stacey that cats can get acne. Catne, maybe. And then there's the Pennsylvania Dutch girl, Analissa, who works in Retail Advertising. Cathy had a sticky note on her calendar to remind her to pray for Analissa, maybe because she spells her name wrong.

Anna-Lisa

Bush or Kerry

My absentee ballot should be arriving here in Ediburgh in the next couple weeks so I can cast my vote for the next President. Hmm. Tough choice. (see http://www.jibjab.com/)

My sister and I have to cancel out our parents' votes. That's how it works, right? Two Kerrys cancel two Bushs. I read an article in The Big Issue in Scotland http://www.bigissuescotland.com/ that says the 18-24 year olds will determine the outcome of this Presidential election. Only 32% of that age group voted in the last election. That's pathetic. I have to admit I didn't vote in the last election because I didn't like Gore or Bush. And a friend of mine had always said 'no vote is a vote.' I think that's bad advice.

365 Days of Reading

Books Read since September 2003:
Made in America by Bill Bryson
The Madness of Adam & Eve by David Horrobin
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon
Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden
Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim by David Sedaris
How to Lose Friends & Alienate People by Toby Young
The New York Trilogy by Paul Auster
Herzog by Saul Bellow
Jigsaw by Sybille Bedford
The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency by Alexander McCall Smith
Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons
The Love Hexagon by William Sutcliffe
Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt
White Teeth by Zadie Smith
Time for Bed by David Baddiel
O Caledonia by Elspeth Barker
Le Mariage by Diane Johnson
Post Office by Charles Bukowski
Goodness by Tim Parks
Cakes & Ale W. Somerset Maugham
The Restraint of Beast by Magnus Miles
Hotel World by Ali Smith
New Scottish Writing 1997
The Perfect Storm by Sebastian Junger
May You be the Mother of a Hundred Sons by Elizabeth Bumiller

Edinburgh, Day 372

My one-year anniversary of staying in (not "living in" as the Americans would say) Edinburgh passed uneventfully. Oh, maybe it rained. My how the year has flown. My grandma used to say "the older you get, the faster the years go by." I thought she was just crazy, but maybe she was on to something.

This morning on the bus to work I overheard someone say, "where has the summer gone, I can't believe it's almost October." What summer? It's Scotland. It's been 60 degrees since June. Scotland didn't get the "it's summer-time" memo. Now the weather is already turning cold, just like it did when I arrived a year ago.

Highlights of this year in Edinburgh include finding the best kebab place this side of the Nile, Kebab Mahal at 7 Nicolson Square, and finishing a masters dissertation. Six years ago when I went to my friend's college graduation and saw all the folks in gowns getting their diplomas I decided I wanted to go back to school for a masters degree. I know that's childish. But now it's finished and in November I'll get to put on a gown and get a degree.

Scott Peterson's Trial

The Laci Peterson murder case has been occupying my mind lately. I've been following the story since a couple weeks after she disappeared in December 2002. The Modesto Bee www.modbee.com has the best coverage. But sometimes I check with Court TV www.courttv.com/trials/peterson/.

For a while it looked like Scott Peterson's fancy-dancy lawyer was going to pull some stunt to get him acquitted. But now the prosecution's case seems to be going better.

Even if Scott Peterson is convicted of killing his wife Laci and their unborn son, we will probably never know why he did it.

Feline Visitors

Dear Paul and Judy,

Ash, formerly Hash Man, is staying with us while his guardians wait for their new flat to be remodeled.

So, for a month we have a cat. He suffers from a bizarre disorder that causes him to lick the fur off his abdomen. (It might be psychogenic dermatitis.) Poor kitty.

The good news is he caught a mouse yesterday. The bad news is he caught a mouse yesterday. Good kitty.

Love,
Anna-Lisa

Lengua Tacos

Dear Paul and Judy,

As you know I'm a Mexican food snob.

I grew up in Southern California eating burritos at the Somis Market. And chimichangas. No one can top their pico de gallo.

I've been in Edinburgh for a year, and I still haven't tried any of the many Mexican restuarants. I just can't. Eating Mexican food in Edinburgh is like eating haggis in Rome.

But tonight we made tacos. So I've had Mexican food in Scotland. Finally.

Love,
Anna-Lisa

Finding a Focus for your Blog

So I started a blog to copy my flatmate Paul (www.anoasis.co.uk) and now I can't think of what to write. Originally I was just going to ramble, like an online diary, but then I remembered that other people will be able to read it. And I don't want them to know I ramble. At least I don't think I want them to know I ramble.

And then I decided that I would try to find a focus for my blog. I could give people some useful information, like how to REALLY search Google, or how to ace an interview, or make a bitchin' cup of coffee. But then I remembered that the only person reading my blog, probably, is my flatmate Paul (and maybe his big sister Judy), so I'm back to square one.

Dear Paul and Judy,

Thanks for visiting my blog.

Love,
Anna-Lisa

Jolie Holland's "Escondida"

A music recommendation from my friend Robert DiFalco:
"If you ever get a chance, listen to some Jolie Holland. Escondida is my favorite album."

Other good music DiFalco recommends:

• Neutral Milk Hotel, "In the Aeroplane over the Sea" http://neutralmilkhotel.net/
• Modest Mouse http://www.modestmousemusic.com/
• Califone www.perishablerecords.com/califone.html
• Built to Spill http://www.builttospill.com/dotcom/main.html