Giving Thanks Without Me

In an extremely controversial move my family has decided to celebrate Thanksgiving without me. As my friend Sara would ask, "Can you even??"

No Sara, I can't.

My brother-in-law Hector is apparently the only one thoughtful enough to forego Thanksgiving celebrations due to my absence. Very diplomatically Hector has told the rest of the family that he cannot attend because he is working. I always knew he was my only ally.

Even my darling niece, Aila, is part of the betrayal. Shame on her.

My dear parents, Pete and Irma, my sister, and my niece Aila are gathering with the "Finnish" side of the family, north of Sacramento, in Loomis, at my aunt and uncle's house. I thought they loved me. I can't bear the thought of them having fun without me.

They should forego Thanksgiving celebrations because: it's inconvenient to have 10 at the table - place settings are always sold in sets of 11, no one will be there to replace all the photos of Maria with pictures of ME, no one else will eat the tender white meat, and because there won't be anyone to sleep on the floor - and everyone knows it's not REALLY Thanksgiving unless the youngest, single relative sleeps in a sleeping bag on the living room floor.

In conclusion, I believe the "Finnish" side of the family is incapable of celebrating Thanksgiving without "the Informer" (a name I earned at age 11).

I welcome rebuttals. And white meat.