Sandstrums Hit it Rich

I received this e-mail today:

Dear Sandstrum

It is my pleasure contacting you now, as I have longed to get in touch with anybody who knew Mr.Wilson Sandstrum, I am William Glashow (Esq.) United State citizen and the personal attorney to Wilson Sandstrum, who perished along with his family on the 01 FEB 1997 in a plane crash, the aircraft name is Hawker Saddled HS-748-353 Srs.2A.This crash happened in Tambacounda(Senegal) in Africa, and the registration number of the Aircraft is6AV-AEO.

My client had deposited about six Million, US. Dollars (6Million US Dollars)at the: STANDRAD TRUST BANK PLC, in west Africa, while working with an Oil Firm development center in west Africa as the head engineer. Since then, there had not been any trace of claim from any person, as the fund remains dormant in his account with the security company.

Although, I kept this information secret within my jurisdiction to enable me put claims and transfer the said amount through a trustworthy friend overseas whom I shall present to the bank as the bonfire next-of-kin to the deceased for a Profitable and successful project. Ever since I have been trying to locate the next of kin or any of the relatives to come forward and make this Claim, but to no avail. Please, if you are related to my client in any way or you know my client's actual relatives, re-contact me, so that
I can link them up to make the claim. But if you cannot contact them, you can come up and make the claim, because I do not want the money to be forfeited, as I expect to benefit from the Money also. Do consider this and get back to me. Thanks for your co-operation. Reply to my alternative email: (jayhg@mail2layer.com)

Sincerely.

William Glashow (Esq.).

PRINCIPAL ATTORNEY

LEVAN ASSOCIATES.


Here is my reply:

Dear Glashow,

First of all, no one addresses me as "Sandstrum". But I was hooked when I read that you have "longed to get in touch with" me. (I'll overlook the fact that the next word in that sentence was "anybody".)

Let me tell you why it's been so hard for you to locate any "bonfire next-of-kin": frankly, no one could stand old Uncle Wilson. As my dad would say, "he was a drunk." He'd show up for Thanksgiving, eat us out of house and home, tease the dog, steal the latest issue of Reader's Digest, break a lamp in the guest bedroom, and then head off again, presumably to Timbuktu.

Totally off the subject, I was confused by your phrase: "My client had deposited about six Million, US. Dollars (6Million US Dollars)." For clarity, I suggest you uncapitalize "Million" and practice consistency when punctuating "US". This sentence would read much better if it were written: "My client had deposited about six million dollars U.S. (US$6,000,000)."

And if there's a subject and verb in this incomplete run-on sentence, I'll be damned if I can find it: "Although, I kept this information secret within my jurisdiction to enable me put claims and transfer the said amount through a trustworthy friend overseas whom I shall present to the bank as the bonfire next-of-kin to the deceased for a Profitable and successful project."

So, just send us a cheque.

Sandstrum.