Foxes are Birds, in Great Britain

Scotland seemed like a good place to attend graduate school because: a. I could study in English. Before I left Los Angeles, Matt in the photo department at the Daily News told me that his friend had said: 'Scottish is harder to understand than German.'

'Well,' I told Matt, 'I speak German.'

'So did he.'

My verdict is that Scottish is not more difficult to understand than German, but it's just as colourful. (More on the rainbow-like features of the German language in a future post.) I know there have been billions of articles written on the hilarious Three's Company-like situations that arise when two English speakers, presumably speaking the same language, get their mixed messages crossed. But here's another.

In the States, 'partner' used in this sentence: 'My partner and I are going out for dinner' means 'gay lover'. In Scotland, 'partner' used in the above sentence means boyfriend, or girlfriend, or signficant other. Mr. Furley would have been confused too.

Another phrase the Scots throw around is 'popping out', as in, 'I'm just popping out for a minute.' In American English, the phrase 'popping out' is reserved for describing the very specific situation when a woman is wearing a bra that is two or more sizes too small and her breasts are 'popping out.' Boy has this phrase tripped me up.

'Neeps and tatties' is another doozy. We just don't have that phrase in Los Angeles. Probably because it's a Scottish term for 'turnips and potatoes' usually served with haggis. (Not to be confused with Meryl Haggard.)

Who knew the word ‘pants’ would present so many problems? In class one day I told my Canadian friend Melanie, ‘I like your pants.’ ‘Thanks,’ she responded, ‘they’re new.’ (I made that up, I can’t remember what she said.) And everyone started laughing at us, the misguided North Americans. Customs officials should have to tell Americans arriving in Great Britain that on this island ‘pants’ means ‘underwear.’ But as my American friend Jess so expertly argued, if underpants are underpants, then surely the garment they’re worn ‘under’ is ‘pants.’ So underwear are underpants and pants are pants. Melanie, I don’t take it back. I like your pants.

And in Scotland foxes are birds. In terms of looks. The Scots would say, ‘she’s a fit bird.’ Translation: ‘She’s hot’ or ‘she’s a fox.’ Fit bird brings to mind the roasted turkey being basted on Thanksgiving by your hen-pecked father who’s trying to stay out of the way of your mother who’s running around like a chicken with her head cut off. To Americans, birds aren’t sexy. But foxes totally are.

I recently read Bill Bryson’s Made in America. It should be required reading for any American fox venturing to Great Britain.