Dear Maria:
Thank you for responding to Caroline's enquiry (inquiry) into Finnish nationalism. (Those readers who don't check the comments section will have missed this development.)
In answer to your question: "Is Paul back yet??", the answer is no. No he's not, Maria. And I'm not sure when he returns. Maybe this Sunday.
Dear Paul (flatmate Paul):
My sister wants to know when you're coming home?
Dear Paul (Portland Paul) and Gemma:
Thank you for sharing my enthusiasm for the German language.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Overheard
"He thinks he's nicer than I think he is."
My friend on a tricky relationship.
"We can hear your laugh, two rooms over."
My colleagues, to me.
"We had 'the kitten talk'."
Stu breaks the news to me that the kitten's father might repossess Kitty.
"But Kitty thinks I'm her mother."
Crazy cat lady rationalizing her desire to keep someone else's kitten.
My friend on a tricky relationship.
"We can hear your laugh, two rooms over."
My colleagues, to me.
"We had 'the kitten talk'."
Stu breaks the news to me that the kitten's father might repossess Kitty.
"But Kitty thinks I'm her mother."
Crazy cat lady rationalizing her desire to keep someone else's kitten.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
KITTENGATE, Part 1
Stockpiling
Today at the grocery store I bought a big box of dry food and a six-pack of cat food. I figure I can claim kustody (see what I did there, with the klever use of 'k'??) until the food is finished.
Today at the grocery store I bought a big box of dry food and a six-pack of cat food. I figure I can claim kustody (see what I did there, with the klever use of 'k'??) until the food is finished.
Kitten Kustody
The kitten's father is returning tonight from China, and the battle will begin. Will I return Kitty to her rightful owner, or will her rightful owner sense the bond that has developed and let the sleeping kitten lie, with me?
Stay tuned for the events surrounding KITTENGATE.
Stay tuned for the events surrounding KITTENGATE.
Mid-Week German Mania
Last night was the first class of a 10-week German course. Nine of us in the class. (9, not nein.) So far so good. I have the worst vocabulary but I have a plan. (insert evil laugh.) I was the only person who didn't know how to say 'region' or 'election' or 'vote' or . . .
My evil plan: pick their brains for German vocabulary.
My evil plan: pick their brains for German vocabulary.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Grand(e) Plans
Paul: Hello?
A-L: Hi Paul, I need to talk.
Paul: What's up?
A-L: I'm not happy with the way my blog looks.
Paul: Anna-Lisa, I'm in California. Can this wait until I get home?
A-L: Quit being selfish. I have readers to please.
Paul: By 'readers' do you mean your sister, your 33 cousins and the two Judys?
A-L: There's a global network of readers who fly low, you know, below the radar.
Paul: It's 3 a.m., somewhere in the world, I'm in California, and I have to be up early tomorrow for Gregor's wedding.
A-L: You don't have to look rested, the bride does. I hope you're not wearing white. We don't do that in the States. We're very traditional, you know. We're the colonialists.
Paul: Don't trick me into talking about Imperialism so you'll have something to post on your blog. And you're not colonialists, you're the colonies. WE were the colonialists.
A-L: Actually, we're now known as 'the Former Colonies.' And imperialism shouldn't be capitalised.
Paul: What would the Founding Fathers do if they knew you were spelling capitalised with an 's' instead of a 'z'?
A-L: I don't know, what, roll over in their gravez?
Paul: What do you want from me?
A-L: When you get home, can you please fix my blog so that there's not that super-huge white space between the title and post? I think it's aesthetically displeasing to the discerning reader's sense of design. Hello? Paul?
A-L: Hi Paul, I need to talk.
Paul: What's up?
A-L: I'm not happy with the way my blog looks.
Paul: Anna-Lisa, I'm in California. Can this wait until I get home?
A-L: Quit being selfish. I have readers to please.
Paul: By 'readers' do you mean your sister, your 33 cousins and the two Judys?
A-L: There's a global network of readers who fly low, you know, below the radar.
Paul: It's 3 a.m., somewhere in the world, I'm in California, and I have to be up early tomorrow for Gregor's wedding.
A-L: You don't have to look rested, the bride does. I hope you're not wearing white. We don't do that in the States. We're very traditional, you know. We're the colonialists.
Paul: Don't trick me into talking about Imperialism so you'll have something to post on your blog. And you're not colonialists, you're the colonies. WE were the colonialists.
A-L: Actually, we're now known as 'the Former Colonies.' And imperialism shouldn't be capitalised.
Paul: What would the Founding Fathers do if they knew you were spelling capitalised with an 's' instead of a 'z'?
A-L: I don't know, what, roll over in their gravez?
Paul: What do you want from me?
A-L: When you get home, can you please fix my blog so that there's not that super-huge white space between the title and post? I think it's aesthetically displeasing to the discerning reader's sense of design. Hello? Paul?
Talent
If I ever meet George Clooney I'll tell him, "I loved your work in The Facts of Life." (Scroll down to the see photo of George with Mrs. Garrett and the girls.)
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Kitten-tastic, Part II
How kitten-tastic is this site? Do not visit this site if you don't think kittens are cute, and you're evil. I confess that I ridiculously rated each kitten as a 10, because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
Besides Googling the word 'kitten', I'm watching a BBC programme on a hobbit brain that was found on some south Pacific island. And one of the researchers speaking was introduced as 'a leading expert in hobbit brains. And then I came upon a site for rating the kitten-tastic-ness of, well, kittens.
Besides Googling the word 'kitten', I'm watching a BBC programme on a hobbit brain that was found on some south Pacific island. And one of the researchers speaking was introduced as 'a leading expert in hobbit brains. And then I came upon a site for rating the kitten-tastic-ness of, well, kittens.
Avocados
I'd like to talk about avocados, because there's nothing worse than a bad one, and nothing better than a good one. My friend Kyle once said he would marry for guacamole. I'll dip to that.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Two Years in Scotland
Dear Millions of Readers, and what I mean by that is "Dear Maria, Judy and Maria's friends from work...",
Two years ago I sailed for the Old World from that majestic Los Angeles harbour that baggage handlers call LAX. And lax it is. Because in L.A. you can wear sweat pants to court, even if you're the prosecuting attorney. But I won't bore you with one of those silly lists, like "10 things I've Learned Since Leaving the U.S. for the U.K.", because they're silly.
Aila was 14 days old when I left. And now she's a political activist. Maria, stop raising over-achievers.
Two years ago I sailed for the Old World from that majestic Los Angeles harbour that baggage handlers call LAX. And lax it is. Because in L.A. you can wear sweat pants to court, even if you're the prosecuting attorney. But I won't bore you with one of those silly lists, like "10 things I've Learned Since Leaving the U.S. for the U.K.", because they're silly.
Aila was 14 days old when I left. And now she's a political activist. Maria, stop raising over-achievers.
Monday, September 19, 2005
Race relations
I spoke to Aila on the phone yesterday. Here's how it went:
A-L: Hi Aila, how are you?
Aila: Hi. Good. I'm colouring.
A-L: What are you colouring?
Aila: Dora.
And then for some reason I asked her: What colour are you colouring Dora?
Aila: Well, Anna-Lisa, I'm colouring her brown, but that doesn't mean she's not an American citizen. And contrary to popular ignorance, all 'brown' Spanish-speaking Americans are not Mexican. They might be Cuban, or Honduran, or Salvadorean, or Nicaraguan, or Guatamalan, or from (and she said this in the voice of the guy who announces the Miss Universe pageant contestants) Puerto Rico.
A-L: Light brown or dark brown?
Aila: I'm colouring Dora medium brown.
A-L: Is Dora from Puerrrrrrrrtttttttto Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicccoooo?
Aila: I have no idea. By the way, the new mayor of L.A. is Latino. I signed up to work on his campaign, but my mom wouldn't let me drive to L.A. alone.
A-L: You say he's Latino. Don't you mean Mexican?
Aila: He's American, but I'm not sure where his parents are from. He's brown, if that's what you're asking.
A-L: Yeah. So, do you think you'll be able to get some cool college scholarships because you're so frickin' cute . . . I mean, because you're half-brown and half-Finnish.
Aila: I'm actually not half-Finnish. My mom is half-Finnish, so I'm just a quarter Finnish. But I am half-Mexican, one-sixteenth Swedish, a quarter Finnish and the rest is Mid-western, I think.
A-L: Do you know what you want to major in?
Aila: Look, I'm 24 months old, I have a Dora picture to colour, and you've already taken up too much of my Sunday. Do you want to talk to my mom?
A-L: Yeah.
Maria: Hi. What did you and Aila talk about?
A-L: Oh, all I heard was 'Dora' and 'colouring' and 'baby'.
Maria: Aila is talking more and more every day.
You're tellin' me.
A-L: Hi Aila, how are you?
Aila: Hi. Good. I'm colouring.
A-L: What are you colouring?
Aila: Dora.
And then for some reason I asked her: What colour are you colouring Dora?
Aila: Well, Anna-Lisa, I'm colouring her brown, but that doesn't mean she's not an American citizen. And contrary to popular ignorance, all 'brown' Spanish-speaking Americans are not Mexican. They might be Cuban, or Honduran, or Salvadorean, or Nicaraguan, or Guatamalan, or from (and she said this in the voice of the guy who announces the Miss Universe pageant contestants) Puerto Rico.
A-L: Light brown or dark brown?
Aila: I'm colouring Dora medium brown.
A-L: Is Dora from Puerrrrrrrrtttttttto Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiicccoooo?
Aila: I have no idea. By the way, the new mayor of L.A. is Latino. I signed up to work on his campaign, but my mom wouldn't let me drive to L.A. alone.
A-L: You say he's Latino. Don't you mean Mexican?
Aila: He's American, but I'm not sure where his parents are from. He's brown, if that's what you're asking.
A-L: Yeah. So, do you think you'll be able to get some cool college scholarships because you're so frickin' cute . . . I mean, because you're half-brown and half-Finnish.
Aila: I'm actually not half-Finnish. My mom is half-Finnish, so I'm just a quarter Finnish. But I am half-Mexican, one-sixteenth Swedish, a quarter Finnish and the rest is Mid-western, I think.
A-L: Do you know what you want to major in?
Aila: Look, I'm 24 months old, I have a Dora picture to colour, and you've already taken up too much of my Sunday. Do you want to talk to my mom?
A-L: Yeah.
Maria: Hi. What did you and Aila talk about?
A-L: Oh, all I heard was 'Dora' and 'colouring' and 'baby'.
Maria: Aila is talking more and more every day.
You're tellin' me.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Kitten-tastic
Seven weeks ago or so, Su went to China, and left me in charge of his kitten, whose name I didn't like, so I've renamed her "Kitty". You might recall that I've had a rabbit named Bunny, and cats named Puppy and Mr. Kitty. So this time, I got creative.
Kitty's been a terrific house guest. She's only peed on the duvet once.
We have a Kitty Rota on the wall in the kitchen so that with three busy people coming and going, we can keep track of who forgot to feed her. The writing, as they say, is on the wall.
Paul said today, "I don't think I'm a cat person." Which made me think of the trouble it would cause if he were half-cat, half-human.
Kitty's been a terrific house guest. She's only peed on the duvet once.
We have a Kitty Rota on the wall in the kitchen so that with three busy people coming and going, we can keep track of who forgot to feed her. The writing, as they say, is on the wall.
Paul said today, "I don't think I'm a cat person." Which made me think of the trouble it would cause if he were half-cat, half-human.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Fond Memories
This evening I remembered that in sixth grade, when our teacher Mrs. Biesendorfer read Where the Red Fern Grows to us, she cried. That's such a great book. Every sixth grade teacher should spend 15 minutes after lunch reading that book to his or her students. And then I was trying to think of the name of the author, and the name Lou Rawls came to mind first. But it's not, it's Wilson Rawls. Thank goodness for the internet, and fact-checking abilities.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
English lessons
Ted's English is coming along well. Tonight's lesson was in long and short vowel sounds, as changed by the 'e' at the end of a word. And then I threw in a lesson about the difference between 'finish', 'finished' and 'Finnish'. Just because I'm the self-appointed teacher and I could.
Monday, September 12, 2005
White Lies
So flatmate Paul was at a wedding last weekend and sat at the same table as an elderly woman and her daughter-in-law, among others. Although Paul is of the opinion that it is the responsibility of older people to begin conversations, he began speaking to the old lady.
Paul: Are you from Elgin?
Old Lady: No, I'm from Lossiemouth. Are you from Elgin?
Paul: Yes.
O.L.: Oh, did you go to school there?
Paul: Yes, I went to Elgin Academy.
O.L.: Oh did you? I taught at Elgin Academy.
Paul: Really? Well, I went there about 15 years ago. What did you teach?
O.L.: A little bit of everything.
Paul: Really?
Daughter-in-law interrupts: No, you didn't teach at Elgin Academy. You worked at the Hydro Board.
Paul to O.L., trying to keep a straight face: Oh, did you like working at the Hydro Board.
O.L.: Yes, I did.
Paul: Are you from Elgin?
Old Lady: No, I'm from Lossiemouth. Are you from Elgin?
Paul: Yes.
O.L.: Oh, did you go to school there?
Paul: Yes, I went to Elgin Academy.
O.L.: Oh did you? I taught at Elgin Academy.
Paul: Really? Well, I went there about 15 years ago. What did you teach?
O.L.: A little bit of everything.
Paul: Really?
Daughter-in-law interrupts: No, you didn't teach at Elgin Academy. You worked at the Hydro Board.
Paul to O.L., trying to keep a straight face: Oh, did you like working at the Hydro Board.
O.L.: Yes, I did.
Friday, September 09, 2005
Long lost roommates
Is roommates one word? Because it looks odd. Maybe I'll throw in an ise and then I'll feel better. Because those Brits don't like our z. But the joke's on them. Because the ize is actually more correct in the sense that it's older. And we all know older is better.
Anyway, if you're a real fan of this blog that means you read the comments, so you'll know that my roommate from Freshman year in college has gotten in touch. When I knew her she was Tara Elkins, from McMinville, Oregon. Kind, smart and outgoing. Boy was she outgoing. I remember riding the elevator up to the 7th floor where our dorm room was, and by the 5th, Tara had met seven people. So, she's switched identities and now is Mrs. Tara Darrow, and she does PR for the pilots of the world, or some such thing. And I googled her and found out she's damn good at her job because she won some award. But I could have told you that anyway, because she's meticulous, and organised, and fun.
Tara and her brother and sister have started an organisation called Answer to Cancer in memory of their brother Adrian who died of liver cancer. So if you feel like donating money to a worthy cause, I nominate this one.
Anyway, if you're a real fan of this blog that means you read the comments, so you'll know that my roommate from Freshman year in college has gotten in touch. When I knew her she was Tara Elkins, from McMinville, Oregon. Kind, smart and outgoing. Boy was she outgoing. I remember riding the elevator up to the 7th floor where our dorm room was, and by the 5th, Tara had met seven people. So, she's switched identities and now is Mrs. Tara Darrow, and she does PR for the pilots of the world, or some such thing. And I googled her and found out she's damn good at her job because she won some award. But I could have told you that anyway, because she's meticulous, and organised, and fun.
Tara and her brother and sister have started an organisation called Answer to Cancer in memory of their brother Adrian who died of liver cancer. So if you feel like donating money to a worthy cause, I nominate this one.
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Breakin'
The other evening I remembered that my sister's 7th grade "boyfriend", Pat, broke his leg bike riding, which put the kabash on his break dancin'.
Elusiveness
Conversation overheard at the bank yesterday:
uncharacteristically friendly bank Teller: "Ok, here are your euros."
uncharacteristically (even for Britain) unfriendly Customer: "Thank you."
Teller: "Are you going on holiday?"
Customer: "Yes."
Teller: "Oh, great. Where are you going?"
Customer: "Europe."
uncharacteristically friendly bank Teller: "Ok, here are your euros."
uncharacteristically (even for Britain) unfriendly Customer: "Thank you."
Teller: "Are you going on holiday?"
Customer: "Yes."
Teller: "Oh, great. Where are you going?"
Customer: "Europe."
Friday, September 02, 2005
Our Little Capitalist Piglet
Paul and I are raising Ted (the Polish flatmate) to be a capitalist pig. Not that the Poles aren't capitalists, but they're just not the capitalist pigs they could be. Now, I know some political correspondent - there must be one among my thousands of readers - will comment on the distinction between capitalism and consumerism, so I won't bother. I'll just change my mind now. Paul and I are raising Ted to be a consumer. A piggish one. When he first arrived in our home, he was happy with very little. Then he discovered catalogues. He's bought jeans and shoes and t-shirts and a really fancy camera-phone, and a stereo thats REALLY LOUD and he his currently shopping around for sunglasses and a baseball cap.
So today, as I had the day off, I decided to take Ted to ASDA. It's a subsidiary of Wal-Mart. Need I say more. He loved it. I took him 20 minutes to get past the first aisle. Now the nearest ASDA is two buses and about 25 minutes away. But that will not deter Ted.
Ted: "ASDA very good."
A-L: "I knew you would like it," she cackled.
Ted: "I no know what ASDA is. What is this ASDA? You no say it very big store. I only bring £10. You say we going to big store I bring more money."
A-L: "Oh, I wanted it to be a surprise."
Ted: "OK. It's ok, now I know bus number 44 and 4 come to ASDA."
Uh oh.
And I saw something verrrrrrrrrry suspicious today at ASDA. Jeans for £3. (Which is $5.50.) Hmmmm. Where are these being made? Hmmmmmm. Good thing we have another convert.
So today, as I had the day off, I decided to take Ted to ASDA. It's a subsidiary of Wal-Mart. Need I say more. He loved it. I took him 20 minutes to get past the first aisle. Now the nearest ASDA is two buses and about 25 minutes away. But that will not deter Ted.
Ted: "ASDA very good."
A-L: "I knew you would like it," she cackled.
Ted: "I no know what ASDA is. What is this ASDA? You no say it very big store. I only bring £10. You say we going to big store I bring more money."
A-L: "Oh, I wanted it to be a surprise."
Ted: "OK. It's ok, now I know bus number 44 and 4 come to ASDA."
Uh oh.
And I saw something verrrrrrrrrry suspicious today at ASDA. Jeans for £3. (Which is $5.50.) Hmmmm. Where are these being made? Hmmmmmm. Good thing we have another convert.
Happy Lutheranism
Look at our new little Lutheran, who was baptised last Sunday. And in my baptism dress. And the best part about being the "second" baby is that the story everyone will remember from your babtism is that the pastor said "shut up Jesus" in the sermon, several times. Bless.
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