English Lessons via T.V.

On Sunday Ted was watching Smokey and the Bandit.

A-L: Hi Ted. Oh, it's Burt Reynolds.

Ted: Yes, Alabama.

The End.

Ted's Holiday

I'll set the scene for you ... Ted is leaning out the living room window, which he calls his "office", and smoking.

A-L: Are you looking forward to your holiday?

Ted: Holiday?? (and then his face lights up) Holiday in four weeks.

I'll take that as a 'yes'.

Geography

A-L: Gemma's moving to Abu Dhabi.

Norette: Is that another prison that you Americans have opened?

A-L: No, it's a city, I think. She's moving there for a job.

Norette: Prison guard?

A-L: No, I don't think it's prison work. It's a city. I think she's doing something UN-related.

Norette: Ummm, where is Abu Dhabi?

A-L: Oh Norette, you're so silly. Uh, I have no idea.

Norette: It sounds like it's near Dubai.

Muchas Congratulations

Dear Cousin John, *NEW* Cousin-in-law Britt, Caroline and Dave,

I was thinking about you all this weekend as you were getting married. I would have loved to have been in Portland and Reno on Saturday.

Happy honeymooning.

A-L

We Bring Good Things to Life

At Heathrow, returning to Edinburgh, checking in for the flight...

A-L to two Germans in line in front of her: Oh, it's so lovely to hear German. (auf Deutsch)

German A: Really? No one ever says that.

A-L: Hearing the German language brings back wonderful childhood memories.

German B: Yes, people do not usually like the German language.

A-L: I do. (and then I sneezed.)

German B: Gesundheit.

A-L: Danke. British people don't usually say 'bless you' or 'gesundheit'.

German A: I have heard that the new business etiquette is to not say 'Gesundheit' if someone sneezes during a meeting because it disrupts the meeting, especially if someone sneezes several times, and everyone in the room says 'Gesundheit'. And nowadays so many people have allergies, that a lot of company time could be wasted extending blessings to colleagues.

A-L: I suppose it's not very efficient. Are you here on business?

German A: Yes.

A-L: What do you do?

German B: We work for G.E. in Frankfurt.

A-L: What??? You do??? Ohmigosh, my dad worked at G.E. in Frankfurt!! That's so exciting!! Ohmigosh. (all in a faux German accent, I think)

German A: What division did your father work for?

A-L: Uhh, he carried a briefcase, wore a trenchcoat, and travelled to Moscow a lot.

German B: Was he a spy?

A-L: Yes, for G.E.'s medical division.

German A: We work for G.E. Corporate Finance, but we are in the building your father would have worked in.

A-L: Wow! My heart is palpitating. I have to sit down. G.E. sponsored my happy childhood memories of Germany. They really do bring good things to life.

German B: Uh, nice to meet you, I think. Good bye.

A-L: Aufwiedersehen (again, in faux German accent)